When people distance I never seem to understand it. Some people choose that suddenly they don't want to associate themselves with you. They decide that one you've grown an attachment - a bond, they'll just up and leave. You'll be the one left behind, hurting, breaking and torturing yourself, trying to figure what you did wrong. Digging into the depths of your dangerous thoughts to find out what you could have so horribly done to cause them to suddenly end all association with them. The thing is, they don't realize how much pain they could have possibly caused you by leaving. They don't realize that maybe just maybe they actually meant something to you; that they actually played a role in your life. And worst of all they don't realize that you were leaning on them. That they were your lifeline and when they were gone the plug got caught in the process. That when they left, the monitor went flat; leaving nothing but a constant smooth beep, with no ups nor downs. No smiles or tears. No joy or sadness - merely numbness.
That's when you learn a lesson, you learn that when it continuously happens maybe the risk isn't worth it - so you stop. You stop trying to make the effort to befriend them or anyone, you stop making the effort to grow a bond and worst of all you stop making an effort to pick yourself back up. That's when you begin to fear it. You fear friendships, relationships, and simply association with anyone. You fear bonding, caring and loving. You fear anything and everything; but I guess that's why fear is used.
Fear is used to control you.
It's been nearly a week and Miles hasn't spoken to me once. He hasn't looked at me or even acknowledged me. I know I shouldn't care whatsoever but I do. For the first time in a very long time I made a new friend, I was always so afraid since everyone I ever grew close to was taken and never seen again. Honestly the two people who ever stuck by me were my father and Cassidy. They've been there through everything, my tears my laughs and my nagging - never once leaving my side; and to that I'm eternally grateful. So I stopped. I stopped loving and caring, I stopped letting my walls down and I stopped feeling and showing emotion. Then Miles comes along. Stupid, arrogant, narcissistic Miles. Making me smile, making me feel something and making me begin to actually develop some form of an attachment.
He literally has not spoken to me unless it was for our DT assignment, and even then he displayed no form of emotion. Did I do something wrong? Did I offend him in some way? I just wish he'd tell me. Ever since a young age I've always been one to over think, anything that may have been as a joke was engraved into my mind. Anything said throughout the day was turning knobs in my head during the night. The littlest thing would stay on my mind for days - weeks even.
I don't get Miles. For years he didn't even notice my existence and I was content with that. Then suddenly he decides that he wants to be friends. Then when that bond develops that little bit more he cowers away and leaves me in the shadows. I don't understand him. Did I do something? I wish he'd just tell me! I'm so sick of been played around with, thrown around like a toy then just dropped whenever someone feels like it! I finally begin to lower my walls and I'm instantly given a reason to raise them back up. I let someone in and I already regret it.
"Hey," I'm taken out of my rant when Gabe walks up to me with a smile on his face. Happy people annoy me sometimes.
"Hi. What's gotten you all chirpy today?" I question, eyeing him to see if he was hiding anything.
"Can't a man be happy for no reason?"
"No. Now spill."
"I'm asking Cassidy to prom." I stopped taking my books out of my locker and stopped and took a good long hard at him, seeing if he was playing around or plain serious.
"Seriously? How long have you been dating for? 2 days?" I questioned,
"Two months next Tuesday actually." My eyes widened, has it really been that long?
"Well what do you want with her? What are you hoping to achieve in your relationship with Cassidy?" My best friend instincts kicked in and I had my arms folded across my chest. Gabe let out a light chuckle before speaking,
"What are you her dad? Well I want nothing more than to develop a prospering and flourishing relationship with Cassidy. I've been friends with Cass for years now and I still remember when I first saw her, she was stubborn yet sassy. Sexy yet beautiful." Well I was not expecting that - that was so incredibly cheesy but cute.
"Are you going to just drop her or use her as nothing more than a bed buddy?" I know that was a bit of a harsh interrogation but Gabe, Sean and Miles are all known to be ones to sleep around. Does that stop the girls from falling for their flirtatious ways? No way - and this only causes their already big egos to grow even more.
"Of course not. I care about the friendship and relationship I currently have with Cassidy. I care about her more than you think and although we have only been together for such a short period of time, I value every second I have with her. I respect her decision and I would never do anything she's not comfortable with." Did he like rehearse this or something? How are his answers so perfect?
"Damn that was so deep I think Adele's rolling in it." He barked a laugh and was toppled over in laughter. Geez it wasn't that funny. I'm getting the feeling that he's only being like this so he could get my approval, like when the boyfriend meets the parents and laughs at any of the dads lame jokes.
I couldn't help but crack a smile and the boy standing in front of me, he spoke about Cass with such admiration and it was so evident how much he genuinely cared for her. "You have my approval," I nodded and he let out almost a sigh of relief, I'm not that intimidating am I?
"Geez man, your whipped." At the sound of a deep but sexy voice, my smile faltered. Stupid, arrogant - wait sexy? No, none of those thoughts. I rolled my eyes at Miles' words and quickly said my goodbyes to Gabe before turning around and quickly walking towards the school gates, anything I forgot in my locker can't matter that much.
"Well that wasn't nice." Stupid asshole is like a damn parasite who follows you everywhere,
"Just like the view of your face." I continued walking hoping to get away from him as swiftly as possible.
"Touché. Listen I just want to talk, not -"
"Are you sure that's such a great idea Miles?" Colton came out of nowhere, interrupting him. I whipped my head around and he was leaning on the hood of his car, his arms folded across his chest and a smirk playing at his expressions.
I turned towards Miles and he eyes were darting between me and Colton, it was as if you could hear the cogs turning in his head.
"You know what Colton. Your deals off, I'm not giving you the satisfactory of having this power over me. Fuck it. Fuck you! Listen princess meet me at the lake I took you to the day I was driving you home. I know your dad leaves the car for you on Thursdays, I'd take you but I just need to get something from home. I was genuinely dazed and confused to what was happening. Colton had seemed to have disappeared and I just nodded, I'll be honest I am still mad with him for shutting me out for the past week but my curiosity always gets the better of me. I begun to turn around until I heard the click clacking of a pair of heels. Hilary; the school bitch.
She swayed her hips as she walked towards him, supposably seductively but honestly she looked like she was trying to walk with seven toes. She latched onto him and looked towards me with what was supposed to be a fatal glare.
"Not today Hilary." Miles had bluntly stated and she looked up at him with wide eyes, I don't think he's ever rejected her before. Actually I don't think Miles has ever rejected anyone before when it comes to bed.
"What?" She looked him stepping closer to him,
"I said not today." With one more look towards me Miles walked off towards his car leaving me with a very sexually frustrated Hilary.
"Listen nerd. I don't know what it is your playing at but Miles is mine. I know you just want to get in with him and pry into his private life." I rolled my eyes at her stupidity and turned around beginning to walk away but that only seemed to frustrate her even more.
"Your such a snitch." I turned towards her giving her one hard look before turning back around.
"I'd rather be a snitch than a bitch."
Okay I understand if people want to possibly curse at me. I haven't updated for over a month and I understand that but I haven't been feeling so well, I had exams, got sick, had stuff going on and just was facing a few things. BUT I have finally got a chapter up and next chapter is going to be really really important, and also explains this chapter.
Thank you to all you dedicated fans and readers.
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Until next time lovelies x