"You may now kiss your bride." The man said to Zayn. After they kissed we all stood up and cheered. I love the way Zayn looks at Perrie.. He looks at her like she's the only girl in the world.
"Autumn." Niall said grabbing my hand, dragging me out of my thoughts. I must've been staring a long time cause almost everyone was already gone and on their way to the reception area.
"Are you alright?" He said standing in front of me and looking at my face.
"Have you noticed the way they look at each other? It's beautiful." I said, following the end of the crowd to where the party would take place.
"Yeah.. That's what happens when two people are in love." He replied and I answered with a nod. We walked through the crisp afternoon air in silence.
"Niall.. Do you-" I started but he cut me off, as usual.
"Do I look at you like that.. That's what you were gonna ask right?" Niall said, hands in his pocket, and staring at the ground as we walked.
"How'd you know that?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.
"I know you better than you know yourself.. Have for years." He replied. I didn't answer, I just kept walking. "I don't know if I look at you like that honestly.." He said when I didn't react. I didn't know what to say so I just nodded.
"Please don't be mad at me.." He sighed. We got to the door to go inside but Niall's strong arm pulled me back and up against the wall.
"I'm not mad at you, Niall." I said looking around to make sure nobody was around. Unfortunately there was a couple people outside smoking, watching to see what would happen.
"I know you're not, but you're upset. You want a relationship like Zayn and Perrie's.. But we don't. Face it Autumn, we don't and we can't.." He whispered. I didn't feel like arguing with him.
It was almost the end of summer so it's starting to get chilly.. It feels like fall. I left Niall outside and walked in, I was immediately hit with the warm air and smell of alcohol. Pretty soon the celebration was in full swing and Niall was no where in sight.
"Autumn!" Zayn yelled over the loud music.
"Zayn!" I yelled back, hugging him so tight like I'd never see him again.
"I've missed you. How have you been?" The man whose been a brother figure to me asked.
"I've missed you more than you could imagine, and I've been alright I guess. You?" I replied. We talked for a couple minutes before Zayn got pulled away from me. I looked around and didn't see anybody I knew.. Harry, Louis, and Liam are here somewhere.. Finally, I decided on getting a drink and sitting down.
I looked around to see all the happy people dancing, both families getting to know each other better, Zayn and Perrie slow dancing away. I couldn't help but picture it to be Niall and I.. What if we would've gotten married? How would our wedding have went? I can picture myself walking down the aisle, looking down and seeing Niall smiling and blushing a deep shade of red, me holding his shaky hands as we said our vows. Hey, I can't blame him.. I know we'll never be like Zayn and Perrie.. They haven't gone through the same things we've gone through.. They haven't had anything shatter the love they have for each other..
I looked around for what seemed like the millionth time, and I finally saw the blonde irish boy that I've been staying away from the last couple hours. He was sitting at the bar with Harry and Liam drinking probably all the alcohol they have. I'm just glad to see he's okay.. I don't know why we're even avoiding each other.. I'm not mad at him. How could I be mad at him for speaking the truth?
After awhile of dancing, talking, and a little drinking, I was tired of partying. I just wasn't in the best mood. I told Zayn and Perrie congratulations and told Harry to let me know if Niall was too wasted to drive. I'd come pick him up in a heartbeat no matter how late or how big of an asshole he was being from how drunk he is.
The bus ride home was short but felt like it was never ending. It was sprinkling slightly.. I watched the raindrops drip down the window as if they were in a race, something I haven't done since I was just a kid. Where did everything go? Just yesterday I was a 6 year old little girl, loving life, happy as could be.. No worries. All I wanted was to grow up and be an adult with my own responsibilities, but I realize I was so wrong. Being an adult sucks..
"This is your stop ma'am." The old bus driver spoke, snapping me out of my thoughts of childhood.
"Oh, thank you." I faked a smile at him before getting off the bus. The raindrops mixed with the cold breeze in the air made me shiver.. The house is a couple blocks away. As I walked my feet ached worse and worse each step. I took my heels off and continued my walk home.
Once I got home I took a long shower wishing to just rinse off all the undesired feelings I have right now. I got dressed, making sure to put on Niall's oversized t-shirt. It smells just like him.. Finally I drifted off to sleep.
"Just get in the f**king car, Niall." Liam groaned at me. I think that's what he said. I'm a little drunk.. Okay, I'm very drunk..
"No! Where's A-Autumn!" I hiccuped.
"Niall, for the 100th time, she left a couple hours ago! She's at home, probably sleeping." Liam said pushing me in the back of the car and driving me home. I haven't seen Liam in awhile..
I air-guitared to the music on the radio. I can't tell what song it is but oh well. After a couple minutes the car stopped and Liam pulled me out. Next thing I knew I was in my bedroom. This is my bedroom right? Yeah.. Wait, why is there a person sleeping in my bed! Wait, that's Autumn.
I crawled into bed and wrapped my arms tight around the love of my life. I may be drunk but nothing can stop the affection I feel toward her, not even for a second. Finally I drifted off to sleep.
I woke up cold in an empty bed.. I don't even remember coming home last night. I remember drinking my weight in alcohol at the wedding, all because I'm a insecure selfish asshole. I know Autumn wants a relationship like Zayn and Perrie's. No fighting, no drama, just love.. But I know I can't give her that and I know that we can't ever be that way. She used to dream about her picture perfect wedding and I ruined it for her. I've been holding these tears in since last night.
I walked out onto the balcony and breathed in the fresh cool air. It felt cold on my face from the wet tears still streaming freely down my face. I feel awful. I told her that they look at each other like that because they're in love and then told her I don't look at her like that. She's probably doubting that I'm in love with her! She knows I'm in love with her.. Right? I'm truly, madly, deeply in love with her. Wait, Where is she??
I rushed downstairs and looked around the house. She's not in the living room, dining room, basement, or kitchen. When I was about to call her I looked up to see a note on the counter along with 2 Tylenol and some coffee. The note said, 'This should make your hangover go away soon. Xx -Autumn.'
She's the sweetest person in the world.. How did I get so lucky? I need to talk to her anyway. The only place I haven't checked would be the backyard, which is exactly where she is. I walked out to see her laying on the hammock, reading the latest popular novel that's out. She had a oversized sweater on that had sleeves that were longer than her arms. She looked adorable, as always.
I sat down on the hammock so that I was across from her. She looked up from her book and continued reading as if I wasn't there. Okay..
"Autumn, babe.." I sighed. She looked up at me again and looked me straight in the eyes. Her eyes looked a lighter shade of brown than usual.. A golden color almost.
"What.." She whispered flipping a page of her book.
"I- I'm sure you're tired of all the apologizing, but I'm sorry. I knew that you wanted a relationship like them and I knew that I couldn't give it to you. You deserve a huge beautiful wedding that's something to look forward to and I ruined it all for you." I cried out. Here come the tears again.. I covered my face with my hands but they were pulled away.
"Please don't cry.." She sniffled, hugging me tightly.
"I'm in love with you Autumn. You know that right?? I. Love. You. You're the only woman I ever want to be with." I said hugging her back and putting my chin on top of her head.
"Niall, you didn't ruin marriage for me. I still look forward to the day I marry you." She spoke so softly, so calmly.
"You still want to marry me?" I asked, finally feeling hope for the first time in who knows how long.
"More than anything." She smiled.
"Then marry me. Marry me for real this time. We'll have a wedding with just close friends and family. I'll get you a beautiful dress and-"
"Niall." She cut me off.
"Marry me.." I said, pulling a nice diamond engagement ring out of my pocket and bending down on one knee in front of her. "I want it to be you and me, together, every day! Please.. Let's prove everyone wrong. Our love can overcome anything."
"Promise me one thing.." She smiled at me slightly.
"Okay, anything.." I replied.
"Promise me that if things get tough, you'll fight for me.. You won't give up." Autumn said. I nodded in reply.. Of course I'll fight for her! I'll do anything!
"So is this a yes?" I asked my hopefully soon to be, fiancé.
"It's a yes." She smiled, tears of joy falling from her eyes as I happily slid the ring on to her finger.