I hung up my call with Niall and sat there on the couch feeling nothing. Isn't that weird? I feel as if I have nothing.. No emotion, no more tears, no energy, no reason to live. I know I have my my friends here for me, but I'm alone at the same time. Why is the world against me being happy? I'm just your average girl.. All I want in life is to be happy, fall in love, get married, have a family, why can't I have that? I'm beginning to think I've already lived life to its fullest. I've taken as much as I possibly could and I can't take any more. I'm done.
I'm gonna just have to stay at a hotel until I can figure out where I'm going to go when I move out for the 3rd time. I should just kick him out and keep the house but I just can't bring myself to do it.
What if I wouldn't have woken up from the coma? What if I would've died? I wouldn't have had to go through all of this shit.. Niall would most likely had me replaced. He probably would have brought her to my funeral too.. Wow, why am I thinking like this? Here is the start of my depression. I don't even care.. I have nothing to lose.
I walked upstairs and straight to the bathroom. I had makeup going all down my cheeks.. Great. I wiped all the makeup off, threw my hair up in a messy bun, and changed into my soft pajama shorts that have penguins on them with a plain tshirt that I got as a senior in high school. It has all my old fellow classmates signatures on it in all different colored markers. It was only about 4:30 but I don't feel like doing anything else but listening to sad music and sleeping.
I laid down on Niall and I's once shared bed, plugged my headphones in, and blocked the world out. Fix you by Coldplay came on when I put my sad songs playlist on shuffle. Soon I found myself drifting off into a light sleep.
I shot up at the sound of glass shattering loudly. It was so loud I could hear it through the blasting music through my headphones. I looked around the room but there was no sign of broken glass on the floor anywhere. Something must've fell.. I opened my bedroom door and looked both ways down the hallway, no sight of anything or anyone.. What the hell? I walked downstairs and looked around.. Nothing!
Finally I made my way to the kitchen. The huge window was shattered.. Them kids down the street probably shattered it playing baseball and then ran.. Oh I'm going to have a talk with their parents! Suddenly I felt two hands wrap around me and something cold being put against my head.
Why am I such an idiot.. I could've easily kept her if I would've apologized once during that phone call. I shouldn't have even apologized just once, I should've been begging for her. I need her more than she needs me and I see that now. Paul held me down on the ground and all I could do was cry.
"I'm going home, I'm going home." I repeated crying so hard I could barely speak.
"You can see her at the end of the tour Niall." Paul said trying to calm me down, but since she'll be completely gone at the end of the tour, that's not the best way to make me feel better.
"She's gone, Paul. Deleting contact with everyone, new address, not a f**king trace of her!" I yelled. "Get me on a plane right now or else I'm quitting." I said dropping the tone of my voice so I could speak as serious as possible.
"Quitting what..? The band?" Harry softly asked as Paul helped me up, trusting that my destructiveness was over with.
"If I don't have a plane ticket in my hand in the next half hour then I'll have no other choice.. I'm going to call Emma cause there's no way Autumn's gonna talk to me." I sniffled ruffling my hair.
I walked to the empty room in the back of the bus to make the call, I could hear Paul on his cell phone saying that he needs a plane ticket immediately.. Good. I dialed Emma's number and sat on the couch. It rang a couple times and she finally picked up.
"Niall, I don't want to talk to you." Emma said, obviously pissed off.
"I'm getting the next flight home. Make sure Autumn doesn't leave.. Please." I sighed. I sounded desperate.
"I'm not promising you anything.. I'm sorry, Niall. A second chance is okay, but a third is stupid. She's broken and you're the one that keeps hurting her. She's done with you." Emma replied sadly.
"She's the only serious relationship I've had my entire life! Please, I can make it up to her!" It was silent so I figured she didn't know what to say. "Please.. I know she needs me and I sure as hell know I need her more." I whispered. I could feel the tears coming so I couldn't talk out, it came out a whisper.
"You've messed up so many times and you expect her to just let you back in with open arms and hope she doesn't care. Well Niall, even strong people break. She broke and she's over it with you."
"If I leave tour tonight and go home, I might get kicked out of my contract. Does that say how serious I am about this??" I asked raising my voice a little.
"Alright.." Emma finally gave up. I thanked her and hung up.
"Your plane ticket is being held at the airport for flight 5c. You leave at 4 and land at 5:45." Paul sighed disagreeing with my decision to leave, but I don't care.
I walked to my bunk and packed all my stuff. What if she doesn't take me back? I honestly don't know what I'll do.. I don't even blame her. If it was me in her position and she told me she slept with another guy right after we broke up, that that same person was better than me, and that she didn't love me anymore, I'd be broken too. I'm an asshole.
"Alright I'm going to the airport, I can't be late for my flight." I sighed grabbing my suitcase. The lads jumped up and pulled me into a huge group hug.
"Good luck." Liam said giving me a small smile filled with sympathy.
"I'm gonna need it.." I sighed.
I put my suitcase in the trunk of the taxi and got in. I shouldn't have laughed at Autumn for having an old guy fall asleep on her shoulder and a little kid kicking her seat cause karma definitely came back to bite me in the ass. I got stuck with these two pre-teen girls squealing every 10 seconds and some woman spilling the rest of her unknown drink on my trousers making it look like I peed my pants.
"Where to?" The driver asked. I gave him the address and he drove off. "Aren't you the blonde one from that boyband?" He questioned me.
"Yes." I ruffled my hair and stared out the window at the beautiful scenery that is called London.
"You've got a lot going on from what I've heard mate.." The driver said looking at me in the rear-view mirror.
"Tell me about it."