Emma and I sat on the couch eating frozen yogurt and watching movies. I don't know if Niall has called or even what he's doing right now.. My phone Is charging upstairs out of my sight and hearing. I'm not quite prepared to bring up the subject again.. It's for Niall's own good. I'll end up saying something I'll regret and he'll say something he regrets.. It just won't end well.
"Autumn, you're not mad at him right..?" Emma asked me, worry in her voice.
"No.. It just makes me sad that he was-"
"With someone else?" Emma cut me off.
"Yeah.. I just wanted him to be happy." I sighed taking a bite out of my cup of frozen yogurt that contained gummy worms, chocolate chips, and strawberries. Yeah, strange combination.
"I was there the night she left with him.. He was drunk off his ass, couldn't even think straight." I nodded as if to say to go on with the story.
"He'd get one drink after another, he admitted to me that he was trying to erase you from his mind, but no matter how many pints he drank, he couldn't forget about you for a second. He came here the next morning. He was crying his eyes out."
Hearing stuff like this breaks my heart.. But why am I just now being told about this though? If he was so hurt and upset, why wouldn't he just come back for me? I surely would've accepted him with open arms.
"He told me that he slept with the girl cause he was so drunk and she looked like you, that he needed you more than he needed anything. It was like his past came back to haunt him.. He cried about you being in a coma, having to leave for tour, losing you. It was heartbreaking seeing him like that." Emma said giving me a sympathetic look. Suddenly her phone started ringing. "It's Niall." She mouthed to me. Why would he be calling Emma?
"Hello- Yeah, she's here- Yeah, you can talk to her." Emma said handing me her phone.
"Hey.." I sighed. I'm not mad at him, it feels like we're in a fight and everyone's trying to get us to make up.
"Did you watch the interview?"
"Amy was-" Niall started but I stopped him.
"It's okay Niall, I don't care." I lied. The thought of it, the images of the scene rolling through my mind, him loving someone else, this is what hurts.
"Autumn, I know you better than you know yourself. You're lying and we both know it." Niall snapped, mad at me for not letting him finish.
"Well I'm sorry that I'm upset that you did it with some random girl from the bar, right after we broke up!" I said raising my voice and fighting back.
"It's not like you didn't do the same thing! Where was Justin during all this!?" He raised his voice louder almost at a point of yelling.
"He was there because you weren't! And yes, we did do it and it was great!" Here I go lying again. Justin and I never did it.. I'd never let him go any further when we got close.
"Well maybe I'll go find Amy again and have some fun with her on tour with us! She was way better than you anyway!" Ouch. That hurt me.. Right in the heart. It feels like someone has pulled my heart out and painfully took apart all the pieces one by one that were just put back together.
"Go ahead Niall, have fun. Enjoy the rest of the tour." I said barely above a whisper. With that I hung up.
"Are-Are you okay?" Emma asked looking at my face that was still a little bit bruised. I closed my eyes trying to imagine that that didn't just happen, That I didn't have such an empty feeling in my heart, that everything was okay.. But it's not.
"I'm going for a walk, I'll be back later." Before she could reply my pink combat boots were on along with my headphones and iPod blasting music in my ears. 5sos, perfect. I gave Emma's cellphone back to her. Before I really realized what I was doing I was out the door and already half way to the park.
The sun was just now starting to set and the scene of the beautiful pinkish orange sky was breathtaking. To my surprise there was someone sitting on one of the swings. As I got closer I could make out his features. He had long legs and broad shoulders.. He was built nicely. He had light brown hair that was swept across his forehead.
"Mind if I sit next to you..?" I asked. Normally when I see someone's on one of the swings, I won't bother sitting next to them. But I'm in a terrible mood and I need to calm down.
"Sure." He replied. We sat there in silence for a couple minutes until he spoke up.
"Aren't you Niall Horan's girlfriend?" He asked stopping his swing and looking over at me. I can see he has piercing green eyes.. Wow.
"Uhh.. I guess you can say that but in not sure where we stand at the moment." I sighed.
"I feel ya. My girlfriend just broke up with me."
"I'm sorry.." I replied, feeling sympathy towards the poor boy I just met. "What's your name?" I asked.
"Brandon. You're Autumn, right?" He questioned.
"Yeah.. Sometimes I wish I wasn't." I sighed.
"Same here.. We have a lot in common." He said starting to swing back and forth lightly.
"Feel like spilling out anything you wanna get off your chest?" I smiled at him.
"Definitely, but you go first." He smiled back at me with a chuckle.
I hung my phone up and threw it across the bus. I would've loved the sound of hearing it shatter just like my f**king heart. I can't believe she said that to me! I can't believe I said that to her.. This is my worst nightmare. I knew that we'd both say things we'd regret and now look. Did we just break up..? No.. No.. This brought tears to my eyes. Soon it was no longer tears, but huge ass waterfalls pouring from my eyes.
"Mate.. We have the rest of the day and tomorrow off, wanna go for a drink?" Louis asked patting my shoulder.
"Yeah." I responded before thinking it through. The last time I was at the bar I slept with Amy.. The time before that I promised not to get drunk, got drunk, and called Autumn to come get me at 3:30 in the morning. That's what started the whole reason to end our relationship 3years ago in the first place.
Should I call her? Is she crying? Is she going to crawl back to Justin? Is she home? Is she moving out? Thoughts of questions like these raced through my mind.
Maybe this was the last straw.. Maybe we're done, for good.. Wait, I don't care. This fight was her fault.. I'm not wasting any more tears, texts, or phone calls on her. Maybe I'm just now opening my eyes and seeing.. Maybe I'm not in love with her anymore.