“Can we talk?” Harry finally speaks. One of his hands is shoved in his pocket while the other is threaded through his hair.
“Uh, sure…” I nod and sit down on the edge of my bed. He leans against my desk and faces me with his arms crossed over his chest.
I’m suddenly ten times more anxious. Is he going to tell me how much he regretted it? How terrible what we had done was? Even though that’s what he should feel, that’s not want I want to hear.
I nervously pick at the polish on my nails, allowing him to start this dreaded, yet necessary conversation.
“About last night…” He stops, like he doesn’t know what to say.
“Can we just forget about it?” I blurt out. “I’m sorry I did it, I was just really drunk… I know that’s not an excuse, but I really am sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize, Chloe, I should be the one saying sorry.”
“Then let’s just forget about it.” I know that’s not going to happen, but it’s what needs to.
Harry sighs heavily, almost like he’s contemplating saying something, but he remains silent. He finally nods slowly before standing up and walking towards the door.
“Harry…” I sigh. Did he not want to forget about it? Does he not regret it? I wish he would say something!
He stops and looks at me, waiting for me to finish that thought. He looks almost disappointed, or maybe that’s just what I see because that’s what I want him to feel. Maybe he really is happy that I’m not going to make a big deal out of this.
I pat the spot next to me on my bed, and he complies to the motion by sitting down.
“…What were you going to say when you came in? You think we should just forget about it too, right?”
He sighs again, and I feel like I really am going to go crazy. I want nothing more than to read his mind at this point. “No, I wasn’t Chloe.” He admits.
My heart begins to race. Harry finally looks to me, and suddenly we’re way too close to each other on this bed.
“You don’t want to either.” He whispers with a straight face, somehow seeming to read my thoughts.
My breath catches at his closeness, but I find myself shaking my head slowly.
“I liked it too.” He keeps his voice low. Before I know it, his mouth is only inches away from mine… So close I can smell the mint of his toothpaste.
His mouth is on mine before I have time to gather a coherent thought. My hands instinctively go to his head and thread through his thick hair.
He moves so his body is hovering over mine on the bed as his tongue dips into my mouth. He groans, making my body tingle even more. God, how could I forget about this? How he makes me feel like this?
Once we’re both out of breath, Harry pulls his face away, but he still remains over me. His eyes burn into me as they bore into mine. Now I wish I could tell what he’s thinking at this moment.
His hand moves to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear before cupping my face. “I don’t want to forget about it Chlo.” He whispers.
I shiver as goosebumps cover my body with his words. What am I supposed to say? That was amazing, no doubt, but my conscience is telling me that this is wrong, and it needs to end. He’s practically your brother… He hooks up with countless girls, girls who's names he doesn't even know…. He doesn’t even really know you.
“Harry, I… We can’t do this.” I shake my head and close my eyes so I don’t have to look at him.
He leans forward and kisses my forehead this time, making my heart pound even harder against my chest with the anticipation. His lips feel perfect against my skin, but I can’t do this. We can’t do this. And not for the reason I was originally worried about. I couldn’t care less that we are practically siblings at this point. After that last kiss—I know I need to put a stop to this now that I've acknowledged the feelings he’s giving me. I’m afraid. I don’t want to get hurt again, and I don’t want to ruin what we have.
“I know.” He whispers. I open my eyes to see that his are now closed. “I know.” He repeats.
His forehead rests upon mine, and we sit there in that position for at least a minute before he steals another quick kiss.
I want so badly to pull his head back to me and kiss him longer, but I can’t. I know this isn’t right, for more than one reason. “We can’t do this again.” I say softly, my arms still hugging his torso.
He exhales deeply, like he’s at a loss for words before beginning to remove himself from my bed.
“Wait, Harry.” I grab his arm when he stands up.
All he does is turn around and look at me. Again, his eyes are unreadable. I really have no clue whether he’s satisfied that he just got a hook up out of me, upset that this can’t go any further, or angry with me.
“This isn’t… I mean, we’re okay, right?” I force myself to ask. I don’t want our friendship to die because of this mistake.
“Yeah, of course. Yeah.” He spits out and runs his hand through his hair. I wish I could believe him. “I have to go, uh, I have to help Niall out with something. I’ll talk to you later?”
This is getting more and more uncomfortable by the second. Fuck me and my drunk self for ruining this all.
“Yeah, talk to you later.” I force a smile. He does the same and exits my room.
Once he’s gone, the tears that were bound to come are now falling down my cheeks. Then, like God is punishing me for what I did and wants to see me hurt even more, my eyes land on the picture of me and Mom. I had almost forgotten what today was. And now I’m left here with no one to help me through this, and twice the ache in my heart.
As soon as I leave Chloe’s room, I rush to put on my boots and find my keys amongst the mess in my own room. Fuck, my hands are shaking and I can’t even lace my shoes.
That’s not what I wanted to happen, but she’s right. We can’t. I know she feels the same way I do, I can just tell… well I think I can… I hope I can...
I really didn’t have shit to do today, but I had to get out of that room before I lost everything. I felt like I was punched in the stomach. I was given everything I didn’t even really know I wanted, and then it was ripped right out of my hands before I could even fuck it up myself. I suppose this is the way it should be. It’s inevitable that I would hurt her, and I can’t do that… Not to her. I’m not capable of giving her what she deserves, although I wish I was.
I grab my keys and a jacket so I can get out of this damned house. If I see her again, I don’t know what I’ll do. I just need to take a nice long ride on my bike down the coast to clear my head. These feelings will pass… they have to pass… will they pass?
I switch off my light and step into the hallway. I pause for a second and look at Chloe’s door, like I have x-ray vision or some shit. I wish I knew what she was thinking. And then I think I figure it out when I hear her quiet sob through the door. Fuck.
Without bothering to knock, I open her door and find her curled up on her bed, crying softly into her pillow. Anger runs through me, but only anger at myself. I hate myself for making her cry like this.
“Chloe.” I whisper and invite myself on her bed after kicking off my boots. She flinches at first, but I figure we’ve been a lot more intimate in the past 24 hours, so I pretend not to notice. I pull her to my chest and hug her from behind. I don’t know why she hasn’t told me to leave for being such an asshole yet, but I’m selfish enough to take what I can get.
“I’m sorry, baby.” I say softly in her ear and pull her closer to me. Baby? I don’t know where that came from, but it feels so right to say.
My heart breaks even further when a loud sob escapes her mouth, like my presence is making this even harder for her. She looked so upset when she asked me if we would be okay, so my only goal right now is to make sure she knows that we will. Even if I have to push aside my deeper feelings for her, I will in order to at least keep some relationship. I’d take anything I can get.
Chloe finally turns to face me and buries her face in my chest. It has got to be one of the best feelings to have her so close. “I miss her so much, Harry.” She says through her cries, confusing the hell out of me.
“Who, baby?” There I go again with the baby again.
She hesitates for a minute, but I don’t push her to answer. “My mom.” She finally speaks. “It’s her birthday today.”
I feel even worse about what happened. She’s homesick, and I just added all of this stress to her plate. I wish I could take back it all just so she wouldn’t have to deal with it.
I don’t know what to tell her, so I pull her closer to me and kiss the top of her head. I’ve never been good at dealing with other peoples problems. Hell, I can’t even handle my own emotions, how can I help someone else with theirs?
Her sobs turn into a steady cry, and eventually stop. We lay in the same position on her bed for at least a half hour, just laying in silence. Despite the circumstances, I wish I could lay here forever. My hand running through her soft hair, my lips on her head, her small arms wrapped around my waist…
“I’m sorry.” She whispers, interrupting my thoughts.
“What are you sorry for?” I frown and force her by her chin to look at me.
She shrugs and diverts her eyes from mine. “For ruining things between us, for crying like a baby while you were supposed to go help Niall.”
Fuck. She’s blaming herself for all of this? God, we really need to communicate better. We’re both blaming ourselves for an undeniable attraction between us.
“Chloe, It’s not your fault. Nothing’s your fault. Don’t blame yourself, all right? Nothing is ruined between us,” I force her to look at me again by taking her soft face in my hands. I wipe her tears with my thumb and she nods. “And fuck Niall, I’d rather hang out with you anyway.” I smile, hoping it will make her feel like nothing is going to change between us.
I’m rewarded with a quick smile before she closes her eyes again, forcing one last tear to escape her eye. “Thanks, Harry.” She whispers.
“Don’t thank me, this is what friends are for.” I promise her. “Do you want to talk about it?”
She shakes her head once and I decide it’s probably best not to press her to talk. “Whatever you need, Chloe, I’m here. What can I do?”
She tilts her head up and kisses my cheek, making my heart beat even faster than before. “You’re doing it, thank you.”
“Let’s go see a movie or something.”
“I’m okay, Harry, really. Go help Niall, I feel bad for keeping you.”
“I’ll help him tomorrow,” I lie. I would tell her that I never really needed to help Niall, but I don't want her to think I'm pathetic. “Let’s go do something. We can get frozen yogurt again. I promise I won’t tell anyone we went yesterday too.”
“Ugh, are you trying to get me fat?” She groans, but I see a hint of a smile on her lips. The ache in my heart begins to fade. What is this girl doing to me?
“Yes.” I tease. “We can do something else if you want? We can go to the pier… the mall… grab lunch… Oh, I know what we’re doing.” An idea flashes through my mind.
“What?” She looks up at me.
“It’s a surprise.” I smile and reluctantly get off the bed.
I go over to her closet and rummage through her drawers to find a pair of denim shorts (I made sure they were the pair she wore when we went to the pier… They do wonders to her ass) and a tank top with some flower pattern shit embroidered on it. This will do.
I probably overstepped my boundaries searching through her closet, but she doesn’t stop me so that’s good. “Here. Change into this, do your makeup and hair or whatever you need to do.”
“Harry, I really don’t feel like—“
“Nope, don’t want to hear it. Get dressed and come to my room when you’re ready. I need to go check something on my computer, so you better be getting ready while I'm gone.”
All she does is smile. I wait to make sure she gets out of bed, and when she does, I force myself to stop staring at her perfect body. This friendship thing might be harder than I thought…
I leave her room and go back into my own. I power up my lap top and get what I need to hopefully help distract her again. Even though it kills me to see her suffering, I like that I get to help distract her. It’s a new, welcoming feeling to help someone out. It’s also refreshing to feel this way. Almost like there’s hope… like everything is going good for once.
About twenty minutes later, Chloe shows up in my room with the outfit I picked out for her on, her makeup done lightly but perfectly, and her hair still damp from her shower, but drying into waves. That’s another thing I love about her, the fact that she can get ready (and still look better than any other girl) in only twenty minutes.
“Can you tell me where we’re going now?” She asks as I grab what I need and join her in the hall.
“Not a chance. Let’s go.” I smile and lead her to her car. One of these days I have to get her on my bike.
During the short drive, I reluctantly allow Chloe to play her music. If she wasn’t so damn cute I would force her to change this shit, but for some reason she likes whatever boy band this is, and it’s good to watch her smile as she sings the lyrics into her imaginary microphone. I’ve made it my new goal to make her smile like that whenever I can… So happy and carefree.
After ten minutes of driving, we pull into a parking lot full of cars. I have no clue where we’re going, but I truly am excited. Harry distracted me wonderfully yesterday, so I expect his plan for today is just as good.
I glance out the window, searching for clues as to where we are. I see a large sign reading “Petco Park.” It looks like a stadium of some sort, but I’m still clueless as to what we’re doing here.
“Have you ever been to a baseball game?” Harry asks. Now the large stadiums and thousands of people are starting to make sense.
His question hits me hard, in a good way though. “Yeah, I have.” I smile at the memories of going to the Diamondback games with my mom during the summers. She always said she loved baseball because the players looked hot in their uniforms.
“Well I hope you like them, because we’re about to go to the Padres game. Sound good?” He asks as he finally finds a parking spot.
I smile and force myself not to cry tears of happiness. “It’s sounds great actually.” I tell him honestly.
When we get out of the car and make our way inside the stadium, he grabs my hand once we cross the busy street. My heart rate spikes at the contact, and it remains beating fast when he doesn’t let go once we’re inside.
Without even knowing, he’s helping me even more than I can express to anyone. Going to baseball games with Mom was something I always loved to do, and now, on her birthday, it’s like I can honor her by going to one. And I love that Harry is here with me. He’s helped me more than he even knows, and I’m incredibly thankful for that. Even after all that has happened last night and this morning, I feel like we can move on. We’re even closer now than we were before, without being too close. Even though part of me is worried that we’re still holding hands and exchanging looks in a way that is probably a little abnormal for just friends, it comforts me to know we aren’t taking it further. At certain times I want to just let him have all of me, but I know this is the only way I won’t be hurt. For now, things are perfect.