something about Liam made my stomach fill up with butterfly's.
I smile as I walk to my hotel room.
I was on Twitter when I got a text message:
Hey!, it's Liam (:
Oh hey!, what's up?
I just wanted to know if you have plans for tonight.
My heart begins to beat fast for two reasons, 1.) I hope he doesn't ask me out for dinner and 2.) he might!.
cool, do you want to go out for dinner with me and my friends?
My heart sinks a little but I cant say no.
sure!, who's going?.
I'm hoping not a lot of people so I don't break down in front of them.
Harry, Louis, Niall, Zayn, some girls I met and Jason. Can I ask you a question?
Thoughts flooded in my head, what did he wanted to know?, did he some how find out about my eating disorder?.
Are you dating Jason?
I take a deep breath, thank god!, but then again...this is a weird question.
hahahaha no? why do you ask? xD.
Just wondering xD, so I'll see you later, right?
I begin to panic at the thought of watching all the food in front of me or breaking down in front of them.
I've hurt enough people already.
My mom and some of my other family members, and it's all my fault.
I wish I didn't care about what people thought about me, my life would be so much easier.
My thoughts get interrupted by my phone ringing: mom.
"Hi mom!" I say in a cheerful voice trying to hide my anxiety.
"Hi honey, how are you?"
"I'm great, it's so much fun here, I wish you were here"
"me too, have you been eating?"
I feel like breaking down, if I tell her the truth I'll hurt her but if I lie I'll just put more pressure on my shoulders.
"yes, the food here is great" I'm used to hurting myself.
"I'm so happy to hear that" I can here how happy she is and it breaks my heart, I'm such a failure.
"I'm going out tonight with some friends"
"I'm glad you made friends, by the way, are you dating that Jason guy?"
I laugh at that comment.
"what no!, he's just a close friend"
"oh it's just that I saw it on a magazine..."
"nah, never believe them until I conform it"
" alright alright , well I got to go, stay safe, talk to you soon!"
"okay, bye mom"
"bye honey, love you"
"love you too"
I hang up and think about my lies.
my whole life is a lie.
the memories come back. The night I thought I've had enough.
"why me god" I said sobbing in the bathtub.
"what have I done to feel this way?"
"I'm hurting people"
I took the bottle of pills and swallowed as much as I could. I wasn't sure if I wanted to die, I felt numb, I didn't care about myself.
there I lied in the tub, cold and dizzy, not sure of what was going to happen next.
my eyes felt heavy so I closed them, my throat felt dry and I began to struggle on breathing.
the flashbacks began, it was me...smiling.
the times I spent with my family.
the days I was there for people who needed a shoulder to cry on even though they were never there for me.
my mom listening to me singing, she was smiling too.
the feeling of regret was filling my head slowly.
I felt selfish.
if I die, imagine what will happen?.
my mom will be hurt for the rest of her life.
all of my family will feel down.
and what will happen to those people I was there for when they cried?, they might fall deeper into the black hole and end doing what I'm doing.
I heard a scream but it was like an echo...far away.
*flash back ends* (A/N: I know a lot of you can relate to what I just wrote, look at the quote there :) ->)
I wipe tears away.
I was done getting dressed, I passed back and fourth in my room.
I opened it to see Liam and Jason, "Hi guys" I greeted them and gave them a small smile.
"hey" they said at the same time, we laughed.
"where is everyone else?" I ask coming out and shutting the door behind me.
"they are waiting for us at the restaurant " Liam responded.
When we got to the restaurant lots of people were waiting for us.
people chanted our names and I waved.
before we got inside we made small talk with some fans and took pictures.
girls were wearing shirts that said: team hason or team liper, I smirked and walked inside the restaurant with the others. Everyone looked to fancy and I was just wearing regular clothes. I blush in embarrassment, I didn't know this place was going to be so huge and fancy!, I wasn't used to all this, the attention, people being so nice to me, and fancy restaurants. Back at home I lived in a small apartment.
I shook hands with everyone and sat next to Jason and in front of Liam, to my left was Harry.
he was cracking some weird jokes.
a lady came and took our order.
I looked at the menu and my palms felt sweaty, "I'll take a uh chicken salad"
"what!?, out of all the food here woman?" Jason joked.
"just give her this" he pointed at a picture filled with different kinds of food on the plate, I gulp and smile.
after 10 minutes of fake smiling our order came, "dang" Jason said and ate as soon as he got his plate.
I stared at my plate, "aren't you going to eat?" Liam asked looking at me suspiciously.
"uh yea" I dipped my spoon into my food and held it in front of me.
I closed my eyes tightly and put it in my mouth, "mmm" I said chewing slowly, "I told you so!" Jason said.
after a few spoons I felt sick, "are you feeling okay?" Liam asked with a worried expression and everyone stared at me.
Harry patted my back.
"I'M FINE!" I exploded.
everyone gasped and looked at me once again.
tears spilled out, "I'm so tired" I stuttered out.
I got up and ran out