i walk into the kitchen and sit next to Lottie. Dean and Johanna are talking about buying new things, Daisy and Phoebe are talking about something silly whilst stabbing the pancakes with a fork to try and pick them up, and Fizz is quietly listening to her headphones.
i look down at the small stack of pancakes sitting in front of me and feel disgusted by them. i look up to Dean, hoping he'll save me from having to eat them, when i notice he's already looking at me.
'just try and eat them.' he mouths.
i cut a piece off of one of them and slowly eat it. it takes a lot of effort to swallow it, but i manage. ew, you're so fat, why are you still eating? my mind yells. i put down my fork and silently regret eating.
Lottie turns to face me and asks "Mum and Dean say you can come shopping with me and my friends tomorrow, do you want to?"
"but i don't have any money" i say.
"oh, don't worry about money, I've still got that credit card from your parents." Dean says.
"i thought they cut that off?" i ask.
"nah, they didn't think I'd last as a music director so they kept funding it."
"so you'll come shopping with us?" Lottie cuts in.
"yeah, okay." i say.
"I'll text Shaunee and Erin." she says, then gets up from the table and goes upstairs.
Johanna stands up and collects all the plates, then places them by the sink. she tells Phoebe and Daisy to go to the sitting area, and tells Fizz to go back to her room. then she turns to me.
"i have some clothes in my warbdrobe, some that better suit going out, if you want to go anywhere" she says, then pulls Dean into the other room.
not sure what to do, i stay seated at the kitchen table. i can here the soft murmur of Dean and Johanna's conversation. i don't try to listen, but when i here the mention of my name more than once, i quietly sneak over to the door and press my ear against it.
" Jena cant . . . has to . . . with parents . . . " that's all i manage to here through the thick door.
i try and listen to more, but the sound is silenced by the noise of rowdy boys.
"we kicked ass at that game!" an Irish accent yells.
"Yeah!" 4 other voices yell together.
"please don't come in here. please don't come in here. please don't come in here." i whisper to myself.
"uhhh, Lou?" i here Harry ask, then it gets silent.
"are you still here?" Louis asks, an annoyed tone in his voice.
i turn and face them. they're wearing football strips. Niall's is muddier than the others.
"wait. are those my clothes?" he asks.
i look down at the baggy clothes that hang on my body, then back up to Louis and the boys.
"I-I'm sorry, n-nothing else fit." i say quietly.
he opens his mouth to say something, but is interrupted by Lottie walking into the room.
"Don't even start it, Lou." she says, giving him a disgusted look.
she then turns to me and says, "Shaunee cant do tomorrow anymore, so we're going today, I'll help you find something to wear."
she walks over to me, lightly grabs my arm, and pulls me past the boys, up to her room. She tells me to sit down on her bed, then she leaves the room.
She comes back a few minute later with a big pile of clothes.
"These are some of the clothes Erin left here." she says.
"some?!" i ask, shocked.
"she's very forgetful. just pick out something you like and try it on. I'll be down stairs once you're done." she says, places the pile on the bed, then leaves the room again.
i look through the pile of clothes, most of them are really summery. i find a pair of baggy jeans that fit me and put them to the side. i keep looking until i find a white tank top that has a cartoon kitten on it. i place it next to the jeans and go to Lottie's closet. i pull out a zip up hoodie and throw it on the bed.
i close the closet, then strip of my clothes, leaving me in my underwear. the cuts along my arms and legs are fading, but they're still very noticeable.
you're so fat. my mind screams as i look down at my stomach.
i go to slip on the jeans when the door opens. i snap my head around to see Louis walking in.
"hey Lottie, whe-" he stops speaking when he notices it's me. in my underwear.
his eyes trail along my body, stopping when he gets to my arms. his eyes slightly widen as he stares at the scars.
he slowly walks into the room and closes the door behind him. i grab something random off the bed and use it to cover my body. the flowery dress does a good job of hiding most of me.
"why?" he asks, now looking me in eye.
"why? are you being serious?" i yell at him. "You ruined my life! You make everyday a nightmare for me! and you ask 'why?' "
"you weren't supposed to do this. we just wanted you to feel what we felt after what you did."
"that's the thing! what did i do?! " i scream.
"you really don't remember?"
"you text Becca saying she should go die, you text Jess to fuck herself, you text the lads saying you didn't want to be friends with anyone and you'd rather have no friends than us, and you text me saying that you thought i was stupid for liking you and I'd never . . . " he gets really quiet at the last part so i cant hear all of what he said.
"what are you on about? i never said any of that stuff?" i say.
what is he talking about?
"don't play dumb Jena! I've got screen shots of them all!"
he took out his white Iphone and showed me a picture of a text. then he showed me 5 other photos.
"Lou, i swear i never sent those! my phone was stolen when this stuff happened!"
"so you didn't send any of these texts?"
"no, none of them. so this is why you all hated me? over a text?"
" I'm so sorry, Jen." he says.
"you never even asked me. why did you ask me?"
"Leanne said not to. that you'd deny it."
Leanne, fucking of course. Leanne is the biggest bitch at our school. she's fucked pretty much every guy.
"how did she know about it?" i ask.
"She said she found your phone and, wait."
"she stole my phone! that fucking bitch!"
before we could say anything else, Harry walks in the room.
"Lou! Niall ate all the-" he stops, stares at us for a minute, then says "didn't realise i was interrupting your fun with the slut."
after Louis being 'nice' - not saying anything mean or hitting me - this brings a few tears to my eyes.
"Harry, don't." Louis says.
"why not? she's a bitch." harry argues.
he sweeps past Louis and comes towards me.
"I'm warning you Harry. Don't."
Harry ignores him and stops when we're inches apart. he lifts up his hand, ready to hit me, but before he can, i fall to the floor and black out.