*Possible trigger warning*
I hear my alarm clock ringing loudly and I groggily wake up and hit the button on my alarm clock and I reluctantly stand up and walk to the bathroom to get ready for school, I honestly don't remember anything that I did after Ashton left yesterday, I honestly just don't care.
I walk out of the bathroom after taking a shower and brushing my teeth and doing my hair up into a quiff, I walk to my closet to find what I'm going to wear today, I finally decide I'm going to wear my ripped skinny jeans and my misfits shirt and some converse, I quickly grab my bag and try to make it out the door before my mum tries to get me to eat, as I'm walking to school I see ashton and I run up to him to greet him "hey ash!" I say a bit to loudly causing him to flinch and look towards me "oh sorry did I scare you?" I say a bit quieter and he looks a little sad and responds to my question "yeah, you scared me a bit, I just wasn't expecting that." He says in a whisper tone "are you okay ash?" I ask a little bit concerned now "yeah, I'm fine" he says in a soft whisper, I know he's not okay because I say 'I'm fine' a lot when I'm really not. I just dismiss it and nod and just continue walking with Ashton.
When I woke up this morning my whole body ached and my wrists still itched wanting to be cut, pain demands to be felt, I get out of bed slowly and I walk to my bathroom I grab one of my blades and I get into the shower, feeling the hot water trickle down my back was so relaxing I sat there for a minute thinking, thinking if I should drag this blade across my skin, yeah I should because I deserve pain and pain demands to be felt, I grab the blade and hold it to my thigh and I slowly drag the blade across my skin,
One for being ugly
One for being fat
One for being stupid
One for being useless
One of being worthless
One for not being good enough for anyone
One for hurting everyone around you
One for your father
One for Luke
One for everyone else who hates you.
By the time I was done I had 5 cuts on each thigh, for now. I quickly got out of the shower and got dressed into a blink 182 shirt and black skinny jeans and a hoodie to hide my black eye then I go over to the mirror to look at how ugly and fat I am. I pull up my shirt just to see a huge bruise on my side, I deserve the pain that I got. My black eye looks terrible, I should cover it up but if I don't leave now I'll be late for school.
I quickly do my hair and run down Stairs and I run to the front door and slip on my converse and grab my backpack and run out of the house, good thing my drunken father was asleep. I begin to walk to school and all of a sudden someone runs up to me and yells "hey ash!" I flinch a bit at the sudden out burst and I look over and see its Luke and he quietly apologizes for scaring me, after his out burst we just silently continued walking to school.
When we got to school I pulled down my hood that revealed my black eye and instantly I hear Luke say in a concerned tone "oh my god ash! Are you okay? What happened to you?" Of course he would bombard me with questions, I quickly make up a lie "uhm...I was opening my bedroom door and it hit me in the face...stupid door" I mumble he looks at me still concerned, he obviously doesn't believe my bad lie but he dismissed it anyway "oh okay, well you should be a bit more careful ash." He says quietly I just nod and walk to my locker
When ash walked away I let out a breath that I didn't even know I was holding in, I know something is going on and I will figure it out sooner or later, but for now I'll just let it be. I walk to my locker and put my stuff away and get my stuff for my first class, chemistry class with Ashton.
I walk into chemistry class and I see Ashton already in his seat so I silently go take my seat next to his and try to ignore the black eye so instead I turn to my left away from Ashton and see the girl I met on the first day of school, I think her name was Abby, so I write her a note, still staying quiet around people other than Ashton, I guess I'm not used to talking to people yet. We just continue to write random stuff back and fourth to each other till Mr. Banks walks into the room with a new student, she has lavender hair like Abby and she's wearing the same blink 182 shirt that Ashton's wearing and combat boots and skinny jeans, her eyes are amazing, one is blue and the other is green. If I wasn't gay I would totally go out with her.
I look over to Ashton who is just doodling in his notebook, and then Mr. Banks speaks up making me advert my eyes to the girl standing at the front of the class " ok class we have a new student, this is lyric." That's when I see Ashton snap his head up to look at the girl and he stands up and says "lyric? Is that really you? I haven't seen you since we were kids!" He says as he runs up to the girl and gives her a hug. I then hear lyric say "Ashy poo! It's so great to see you too!" As she jumps into his arms, I must admit I feel a little pang of jealousy in the pit of my stomach. "Lyric please don't call me ashy poo in front of everyone. I see you kept the matching shirt I gave you." He says as he slightly smiling and blushed at the nickname. "Yeah, I couldn't let go of it. It's funny how we both wore it today." She says giggling
Mr. Banks finally breaks up their little reunion, I have never appreciated a teacher so much before. "Okay, guys you can finish catching up at lunch time." He says as class continues I keep looking over towards Ashton and he looks so happy just before she walked in he was as cold as ice and now he is literally sunshine, it pisses me off. Not the fact that Ashton is happy, I'm happy that he's happy but it's the fact that I'm not the one who made him happy.
*****skip to lunch*****
Luke seemed a bit off throughout class, he wasn't paying attention and he seemed angry and he was deep in thought. I wonder what's up with him, I was talking to lyric when we walked into the cafeteria and then I saw Luke sitting alone again, he needs friends, I'm going to ask him to sit with Michael, Calum, lyric and I. I excuse myself from lyric and I tell her to go sit with Mikey and cal while I walk over to Luke I approach him and ask " hey Lucas, will you please sit with my friends today?" He looks up at me and just shakes his head, "oh c'mon Luke don't get quiet on me again!" He looks at me and just shakes his head again "well too bad Hemmings, it was a rhetorical question you're sitting with us whether you like it or not!" I say while grabbing his arm and dragging him to the table where everyone was sitting at.
"Guys, this is Luke Hemmings and he is sitting with us today, I don't care if you don't like him or if he doesn't like you, you will get along got it?" I announce and everyone just nods "good!" I say and I sit Luke down and I sit next to him, Michael, Calum and lyric are sitting across from us and I try to make small talk but everyone is just so quiet, it's really awkward, till Luke speaks up "so lyric, tell me what ash was like as a kid." He says with a smirk and Michael and Calum and I look at him wide eyed, they are probably just surprised that he talked but I'm scared of the stories that lyric is going to tell. "No lyric, please don't." I say quietly to lyric " oh c'mon ash, lighten up!" She says loudly and I feel my face heat up as she speaks again
"well ash was like any normal little boy, he was loud and he liked making messes and play fighting, he was a rowdy kid, he just couldn't sit still, His family thought he had ADHD but I knew he didn't I just knew that was his personality. We used to play ninja turtles a lot, Mikey and cal played too Calum was Donatello Michael was Michelangelo Ashton was Rafael and I was Leonardo, mike and cal would always pick on me for wanting to play a 'boys' game but Ashton didn't mind, he was always up for anything and he treated me equally, he made me feel like I was just one of the guys. He was sort of a weird kid but he embraced his weirdness, he was a crazy little kid and that was one of the things I loved about him. He hasn't changed much."
She couldn't be more wrong, I've changed a lot actually there is so much she doesn't know about me. "Actually I've changed a lot" I whispered mostly to myself "what was that ash?" I hear Luke say "oh nothing" I say a bit louder but what I really wanted to say was " I said I've changed a lot actually, I'm constantly fighting with the demons in my head and I'm stressed and depressed, I'm constantly feeling like I will never be good enough for anyone so I take my anger out on myself with a blade and my father beats me, so yeah I've changed a lot." But I could never say any of that out loud.
Hello my little penguins, I hope you liked that chapter, I keep getting stuck on what in going to write next so sorry if it takes a while to update, this is only just the beginning so get ready for drama! Bye bye for now my little penguins 🐧🐧🐧