When I wake up I quickly remember everything that happened the night before, coming out to my mum and Ashton being so supportive, and falling asleep on ashton then I look around and realize that ashton isn't next to me. I sit up and grab my phone off of the table that's sitting next to my bed and I check the time, it's 9:34 AM. I stand up from my bed and I make my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth and go potty.
(A/N - yes I said potty, deal with it 😎)
As soon as I finish my business in the bathroom I walk downstairs and I see my mum and ashton in the kitchen eating chocolate chip waffles. "Good morning Luke!" I hear my mum and ashton yell at the same time "morning" I respond sounding tired and groggily, ashton keeps staring at me and he looks like he's blushing, I give him a questioning look and ask "ash, why are you staring at me?" He shakes his head and just mumbles "sorry" I walk over to him and sit down in the chair next to him and pinch his cheeks and coo "aww ashy you're blushing!" And he giggles and slaps my hand away from his face and my mum just stood there chuckling.
Then there's an awkward silence until seconds later my mum speaks up "Luke, do you want some breakfast? You must be pretty hungry." I look at her and shake my head slightly, "are you sure? You don't eat much." She says in her quiet concerned mother voice I quickly respond "I'm sure mom! I'm not hungry" I say raising my voice a little, getting a little irritated, I stand up from where I'm seated and speed walk upstairs to my room to get ready for the day, I put on my black skinny jeans and my All Time Low shirt. I lay down on my bed and put some headphones in, music is my escape from reality.
A few minutes later I feel a dip on my bed, I look over and see ashton laying next to me just looking at me I take out one of my earbuds and he asks "whatcha listening to?" I simply reply with "therapy by All Time Low." I turn my head so now I'm staring at the ceiling "oh I love that song...so...why did you get so irritated when your mum asked if you wanted to eat?" He says in a whisper tone "I just wasn't hungry and I don't like to repeat myself, no means no" I say calmly and quietly
He just nods and grabs on of my earbuds and puts it in his ear and just lays there with me to just drown ourselves in music and just forget the world. My hand slightly brushes against his hand and as I pull my hand away I can feel my face heat up a bit, I look over towards him and his face is a light shade of pink.
I quickly look back towards the ceiling, just staring off into nothingness, just thinking about things. I wonder if ashton likes me, I really really really like him, he's like the only person who is actually nice to me. I'm stupid to even think that ashton likes me, of course he's straight. I just wish he actually did like me. No one would like a freak like me, I have that weird itching feeling in my wrists... I haven't felt that in a while, I feel like I need to drag that cold blade across my skin again. I'm a week clean from cutting, but I need to do it again, no one is stopping me. As soon as ashton leaves I'll do it again. Then I feel Ashton's hand grab mine and I look over and he's smiling at me. I think I know what it feels like to feel butterflies in my tummy now, and I like it. I didn't realize I was smiling and staring at him like an idiot until he cleared his throat and I can feel my face heat up.
Luke and I are just laying on his bed listening to varieties of bands, I look over towards Luke and he looks like he's deep in thought, his breathing got heavier so I decide to calm him down by holding his hand, he looks at me sort of shocked and I just smile at him and a small smile creeps onto his face, and I have a weird feeling I've never felt before, I just dismiss the feeling and look back towards the ceiling and continue thinking about life. I wonder if Luke likes me, I mean not that I like him or anything I just wonder...no one really likes me, my so-called family hates me, meaning my dad, I don't want to go back home, I'm afraid of what my father will do to me for not telling him where I've been. I clear my throat to get rid of the lump on my throat, I don't want to cry in front of Luke, I don't usually cry in front of people, it makes me feel and look weak.
Luke speaks up "what time do you want to go home?" I really wanted to say that I didn't want to go home but then he would bombard me with questions, so I just say "whatever time you want to get rid of me." He looks at me with a twisted expression on his face "why would I want to get rid of you? I love having you here, you make me feel wanted and appreciated." I look at him with a sincere face "why wouldn't anyone appreciate you? You're so like-able!" I say softly and he just simply smiles at me, I stand up from the bed and pull him up with me and I let go of his hand, I tell him that I should get going and I give him a quick hug and he walks me down stairs and to the front door I quickly say 'see ya later' to his family and walk out the door.
I try walking home as slowly as possible, so I can try to avoid my 'dad' and when I reach my front door I take a deep breath and slowly turn the door handle, once I step into the house I hear my father yell from the other room "IS THAT MY FAGGOT SON? WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN BOY!!" I flinch at the sound of his tone and I speak in a quite tone "I've stayed at a friends house." And that's when I knew it was going to happen "YOU DIDNT EVEN BOTHER TO CONSULT ME ABOUT THIS?!? YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU NOT TELLING ME WHERE YOU'VE BEEN!" Then it happens I feel a hard rough hand come across my face, I try not to whimper but I fail "I'm sorry, dad I'm so sorry, please stop...please!" I cried out to my dad and he began punching and kicking me in the face and ribs.
After my drunken father finished beating me he yelled "YOU WERE JUST A BIG MISTAKE! YOU KILLED YOUR MOTHER AND SISTERS! IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU! JUST GO KILL YOURSELF FAGGOT!!" I lied on the floor chocking back sobs that tried to desperately to come out. I hurt all over, I didn't want to move. I wanted to die, I deserve pain. I eventually get up and make my way to the bathroom to find a little bag that I've been hiding, it contains all of my razor blades, I pick up one of the razors and I slide my back down the wall and I hold the cold silver material to my wrist and I cut a thin slice, I choke out a sob before I do it a couple more times deeper and all of a sudden I felt really tired, like the world drained me for everything that I had, There is blood all over the bathroom floor and tear streaks going down my face, I quickly wrap my arm up in bandages and I quickly clean up the blood and I put the blades back where I've been hiding them and I exit the bathroom and I make my way to my room and I lay down on my bed and just start thinking about what my dad said,
"YOU WERE JUST A BIG MISTAKE! YOU KILLED YOUR MOTHER AND SISTERS! IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU! JUST GO KILL YOURSELF FAGGOT!!"
My fathers words were like venom and it was seeping through my skin, slowly but surely, I kept repeating the words "just go kill yourself faggot" in my head and he was right, I should just kill myself. Honestly I'm just scared, I'm scared of if the afterlife isn't what I expected, I'm scared that I'll go to hell for being a faggot. That's what my father says, he says all faggots go to hell. So I deserve to go to hell.
How did you like this chappy my little penguins? I honestly don't think that gay people should go to hell and I hate the word faggot so it was hard for me to write this chapter...and sorry it took me a while to update, I have had major writers block! I've been writing this chapter for like a week now! Well bye bye penguins!! 🐧🐧🐧