6. A page from my diary
This is a real page from my diary, I want to share a little with my readers. I no longer feel like I want to die, so don't worry. I know it's a very fresh page. Yes, I'm still depressed, but I don't want to die.
If I could choose to die, without my family or friends getting hurt, I think I would do that. There's just too much pain to handle. Too much pain in this world. Cutting takes me away from that pain for a while, but I quit cutting, or at least for now. It's really hard. I miss it. I actually miss hurting myself. Sounds crazy, right? Well, not to me. I loved it. I only managed to focus on the pain I caused to myself, not the pain others caused me. It was a different kind of pain, and it felt good. It's like I was dragged into this deep black hole, and couldn't get out. After a long time of trying to fight my way out, I realized that it was impossible. I gave up. I understood that this was all I had. I looked at it in a whole new way and I figured that this black hole was my new life. It was me. I learned to appreciate it, to love it. All those scars and cuts you see, their a part of that hole. So the next time you ask me why I hurt myself or why I just can't smile, well here's my explanation.