I was still so tired when I woke up the next morning. I was with Bella almost until the mall closed the day before because she was so excited when I told her that I wanted to go shopping. It was really the first time when I had suggested shopping because usually she’s always the one who really wants to go, and I just tag along and maybe buy a few things at the Nike store. I don’t really mind her always wanting to go shopping though because if it were up to me on what we did, I don’t even know what we’d be doing, Bella is pretty much better at figuring out where to go and what to do to entertain ourselves.
Then again I might too if I actually had a car and was able to drive around downtown and see all the different places there more often and actually look for things instead of just being a passenger going where the driver wants.
When I sat up in my bed, I looked over at my dresser to see the plastic shopping bags that I had cluttered next to it. I didn’t want to bother with organizing all the clothes that I got and putting them away, Bella had tired me out too much. She was almost literally running to store after store dragging me along behind her. The only good thing about that though was that I got a decent amount of exercise in.
I looked over at my bedside table to check the time on my digital clock, and I jumped out from under the covers once I saw the time. I had slept in an hour and a half later than I usually did. I knew since I didn’t have practice I could sleep in as late as I wanted, but I just didn’t like to. I even started turning off my alarm clock to get me to sleep in later, but I kept waking up early and couldn’t go back to sleep.
My dad should just now be getting ready to leave for work, so I quickly headed downstairs so I could catch him before he left.
Right when I got downstairs, my dad was just leaving the kitchen and was about to head to the front door.
“I was beginning to wonder if you were going to wake up,” my dad said once he saw me quickly making my way over to him.
“I slept in a bit, Bella can be exhausting to shop with,” I told him.
“Well I’m glad you got some good clothes though,” he said, he was home when Bella dropped me off yesterday, and he saw all the shopping bags I had and requested that he go through some and see what I bought.
I found that ridiculous, but I didn’t necessarily care enough to complain at the time.
After my dad had to leave, I headed back upstairs to my room to get dressed. Harry and I had talked a bit yesterday, and we concluded to him just coming over to my house. We weren’t really sure where to go, and his aunt was home so he didn’t want me to come over.
Since my dad was going to be at work he just wanted to come over here and make some plans for some places to go and things to do for the rest of the month off. I wish he could just go to his house so I wouldn’t have to worry about my dad coming home unplanned, but he didn’t want too.
His aunt likes me, I’m already friends with her so I didn’t really understand why, but I tried not to think about it, he probably has his reason why and I just needed to respect that. I headed up to my room to get dressed, and decided to wear something that I bought from the mall yesterday. I went through the bags, and found a pair of jeans and a sheer pink top with a pink tank top that I bought to go under it.
Once I was all dressed and had my hair and makeup done, I headed downstairs to eat breakfast while I waited for Harry. I’ve gotten so used to eating in the living room now, so after I made my breakfast I went into the living room and turned the TV on. I went ahead and turned the reruns of Seinfeld on that the same channel seemed to be playing a lot.
After watching probably an episode and a half, I heard my doorbell ring and I quickly went to put my plate in the kitchen before going over to the front door. I opened the door to see Harry standing there, looking up once he realized that I had now opened the door.
“Hey,” he smiled, and I opened the door more so he could come in.
“You want anything to eat?” I asked him as we walked more into the house.
“No, I’m fine,” he said,
“Nice choice,” he said, and I looked where he was now pointing at the TV that was still on, playing the show that he had on the first time he came over here.
Harry and I started discussing what we wanted to do over the break. Harry really wanted to go to different places around the city so he could explore it more and see as much of it as he could.
“Let me go get my laptop and we can look up good tourist attractions,” I told him and got up from the couch.
“I’m not a tourist,” he complained.
“You’re acting like one,” I told him, and he just laughed as I walked up the stairs.
Once I was in my room I found where I had set my laptop, and picked it up.
“That’s a lot of shopping bags,” I heard Harry say just as I was about to turn around and head back downstairs.
“Yeah Bella and I were shopping yesterday,” I told him.
“I can tell,” he said as his foot messed with one of the shopping bags.
“So is this your room?” he asked as he walked further into the room and began to look around.
“Yeah,” I answered, sitting down on the bed as I waited for him to finish looking so we could go back downstairs. I needed to be in the living room so I could hear if my dad was getting home early or something.
“Is this you?” he asked and I looked up to see he was looking at my pin board that had a bunch of random pictures I had stuck up. I got up from where I was sitting and walked over to him so I could see the picture.
“No, that’s Bella. I’m in the Cinderella costume,” I told him once I saw that he was looking at the picture of Bella and me from Halloween when we were four.
“Lot’s of skating pictures,” he said as he looked over the countless pictures of me skating and winning trophy’s.
“When was this taken?” he asked, pointing at picture of me as a baby.
“A few days after I was born I think,” I answered.
“Is that your mom?” he asked me, referring to the person holding me in the picture.
“Yeah,” I sighed.
“You look a lot like her,” he told me.
“Thanks,” I said quieter than I intended to.
“Where is your mom anyway, you never mention her,” he told me, crossing into a territory he’s tried to ask me about before but I shut him out of.
“She left us when I was about four,” I decided to just tell him because I knew he was going to ask again at some point.
“Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t know…” he trialed off.
“It’s fine,” I said, walking away from the pin board of pictures.
“Do you remember her at all?” he asked me as he sat down next to me on my bed.
“Not really,” I answered.
“Oh,” he said as I got up again.
I went to one of my dresser drawers, digging through the clutter in the drawer until I reached the bottom where I had put the box.
“What are you-?” he stopped once I walked back over to him and sat back down on the bed.
“I stole a bunch of these pictures from my dad when I was younger,” I told him as I took the lid off of the old shoebox.
“He threw a lot of them out after she left and I’d dig through the trash can to get them out,” I said, laughing slightly of the memory I had of knocking the trashcan over and digging through everything while my dad was in the shower.
“Most of the pictures are of her and my dad in their college years and so on. They used to travel a lot and my dad used to be into photography,” I said, showing Harry some of the pictures of them in Hawaii.
“Sometimes I like to just look at the pictures and imagine what her and my dad were doing or talking about,” I added.
Harry just nodded as I spoke, looking through the pictures that I had collected.
“I like to think she was really amazing, that she was carefree and wouldn’t make my dad take everything so seriously like he does now,” I said.
“Does your dad ever talk about her?” Harry asked.
“No, he’d scold me when I’d ask about her so I just stopped. He’s still really angry at her,” I told him.
“Why aren’t you angry at her?”
“I wouldn’t say I’m not angry at her, I’ve kind of gotten over it, I’m just upset that she would leave us,” I explained.
“Why did she leave? Like what was her reason for leaving her family?”
“Does it sound like I know why she left?” I said, a bit harsher than I intended to, but that question bothered me so much.
“Sorry,” he said,
“How did you are your dad know she had left?” he nervously asked after a few moments.
“We didn’t at first. It was my dad’s day to pick me up from school and when we got home and didn’t see her car we just figured she was still at work or getting groceries. When we got home my dad went into their room to change out of his work clothes. After I had finished my snack I went upstairs and as I was walking past my parents room on the way to my own, I heard my dad make some type of angry noise, I don’t know what it was but it got my attention and I ran into the room. I went into the bathroom connecting to the room and saw my dad just standing there, staring at my mom’s side of their bathroom. All her stuff was gone from the vanity and most of her clothes from the closet were gone. When I asked him what was wrong he just told me to leave and go to my room. As I was walking out of his room I found a blue post-it note and turn back to hand it to my dad before I even thought to read it. He quickly snatched it out of my hand and after he read it he tore it into pieces and he’s never told me what it said,” Harry seemed speechless after I finished but soon recovered.
“When did he tell you that she had left?” he asked me.
“Later that night while I was watching TV. He’d finally come back downstairs and I had ask when she was going to be home, and the look he had on his face when I mentioned her had worried me. At first I thought that she had gotten in a car wreck or something but boy was I wrong. He turned off the TV and sat down next to me and wrapped his arms around me. I still remember the exact words he said to me and how he struggled to tell me and how to say it. We basically spent the rest of the night on the couch in tears struggling to accept the fact that she left us,” I could’ve went on, but I knew I was going to break any second.
I felt Harry’s thumb reach out and wipe a tear off my cheek that I hadn’t realized was there as I continued to stare down at a picture of my mom and dad standing in front of the backdrop of a mountain, big smiles on their faces with hiking gear on them.
I quickly put all the pictures back into one pile and back into the shoebox. I got up to put the box back in my dresser and then sat back on the bed and opened up my laptop, not wanting to think about the subject anymore.
Thankfully Harry understood as he adjusted himself on the bed to sit next to me so he could see the computer screen and we could get back to what we were originally supposed to be doing which was figuring out what to do in the future days ahead of us, not drowning on what’s happened in the past.
Because that’s what it is, it’s past, meaning its done and there’s nothing I could do to change it.