I got a good amount of stuff packed in the last twenty or thirty minutes that I’ve been in my room. I would’ve been further in my packing, but a little less than halfway into it, I realized that even though I told myself that I wasn’t going to bother with washing the dirty clothes, I knew that it would probably be a good idea to wash some of them.
I really didn’t want the first thing I had to do when I got to England was have to wash all my clothes because I knew my mum would nag me about all my dirty clothes when she would insist on helping me unpack because she knew that I wasn’t going to do it right away.
I had a tendency to just unpack things as I came to need them instead of when I got home. To me doing it that way just seemed easier and more convenient, but my mum wouldn’t care if it worked for me. She would want my room to be clean and all my clothes to be clean and suitcases put away. Some clothes were clean enough that I didn’t have to wash them, so after putting a load of laundry into the washing machine, I went back to my room to pack the rest of my clothes which were pretty much all packed by now.
Everything else I needed to pack I either couldn’t do until the day I left, like my toothbrush and all tha or I just didn't feel like packing anymore right now. All the other things that weren’t packed yet were just due to my laziness of having to pack and wash my clothes right now. While I was waiting for my load of laundry to be finished, I decided to hang out in the living room for a bit where I knew Ben probably still was.
When I walked into the living room, I saw Ben and my aunt sitting on the couch watching a movie. I quietly walked into the living room and sat down on one of the chairs to watch the movie with them. When I looked over at Ben, I was reminded of what he had asked me earlier this morning about why I hadn’t been going to practice lately.
I had never even thought about him taking notice to me being here all day instead of me leaving after breakfast and not getting home until around dinnertime. He was obviously going to start realizing though and asking questions, and it wasn’t fair to him not knowing what was going on. Even though telling him was probably going to be hard for all of us, but it really did need to be done.
I decided I should just tell him tonight because even though he just asked me one question this morning, it was just the beginning of many more to come that I wouldn’t have answers for unless he knew. I was probably making a bigger deal of this in my head than it really was, but I couldn’t help it.
He was my little cousin and I was his older cousin, we were practically like brothers, and now I was leaving. I couldn’t bear to stay though. I was fed up with everyone at the ice rink and all these stupid rules and feuds that were in place there.
Once the movie was close to being over, my aunt got up from the couch and told us that she was going to go start making lunch while we finished the movie. Ben and I both nodded as she walked out of the living room while we continued to watch the TV. I had missed a lot of the beginning of this movie so I wasn’t positive on what was going on and some parts were confusing to me since they were probably explained earlier in the movie.
The ending was going to be pretty predictable though, so once I was sure that I had figured out how it was going to end I decided to go into the kitchen. I quietly got up from the chair, hoping Ben wouldn’t notice right now that I was leaving the living room. He never asked me where I was going so I guess he didn’t notice or didn’t care. I walked into the kitchen where my aunt was preparing sandwiches for Ben and I.
“I know you’re probably hungry, but you need to wait for Ben to finish watching the movie,” she told me, not looking up from spreading peanut butter on a sandwich for Ben.
I hadn’t even realized how hungry I was until I walked in here.
“Bet all that packing made you tired,” she joked, not knowing how much or if I had even done it,
“How much did you get packed?” she asked.
“A good amount of things,” I answered, “I had to wash a few things so that’s in the washing machine right now,”
“I’m not surprised you had stuff to wash, I’m a bit surprised that you chose to wash it though, that will make your mum happy when you get home,” she said and I just nodded.
“Okay I am almost done with lunch and then you can eat as you please,” she said after a minute or two.
“Actually that’s not why I came in here,” I told her, and she looked up at me as if telling me to proceed with what I needed to say then. I made sure the kitchen door was closed and then I walked away from it and over to my aunt.
“I think I want to tell Ben tonight that I'm moving back to England,” I told her, lowering my voice.
She took a deep breath, “Okay,” she said and I could tell she was just as nervous to tell him as I was, even though I would probably be the one telling him though.
There was no way to know what his reaction was going to be until we told him. He’s pretty young so there are many different ways that a child might react to such things. I hoped that he wasn’t completely angry with me and be mad at me until I left, but I also didn’t want him to cry. I knew crying was going to be inevitable though; I would probably end up wanting to cry whenever I tell him tonight.
I really just hoped that I could explain to him why I was leaving in a why that he would understand since he doesn’t know all these things about the rink or the people that are causing me to want to leave. I just hoped he wouldn’t insist on knowing everything or wanting me to explain everything to him because I wasn’t sure if I could do that.
He was very curious at his age, so I knew that he would have some questions after he got over the confusion and shock with the fact that I was leaving. When my aunt called Ben in for lunch, he sat down at the counter on the stool next to me and my aunt placed our lunch in front of us. I thought about maybe just telling him now so I wouldn’t be worrying about it all day, but I realized now probably wouldn’t be a good time.
First of all, my aunt wouldn’t know I was doing it now and she wouldn’t be able to help me with telling him. The other reason being I wanted to spend every minute I could today just as normal. Not having him know I was leaving or being upset, just me and my little cousin hanging out like always, and I had nothing to worry about for the time being.