“Harry’s moving back to England,” her words rang through my ears and kept repeating in my mind.
“He’s what?” I managed to spit out.
“I’m pretty sure you heard what I said sweetie,” she said with a bit of sympathy to her voice.
Part of the reason that I had come over here was to make sure that she wasn’t upset with me for breaking up with Harry so suddenly, she didn’t seem to be, but now I was the one who was upset. I didn’t care if we broke up or not, I didn’t want him to leave.
At some point in the future I had wanted to see if we could get back together once the relationships I had with Bella and my father got better. They’re getting better now, but I think they can improve much more. Harry probably wouldn’t want me back anyways though; he most likely hates me right now.
“Why is he moving back?” I asked, still complete, utter shock in my voice.
“You’ll have to ask him if you want the full story,” she told me and gave my shoulder a small squeeze before walking past me.
“Wait,” I said to her, and she turned back around, giving me her attention,
“When is he leaving?” I asked.
“I don’t know yet, but I’ll come let you know when I do,” she told with a small smile and then headed off to Harry’s coach’s office.
I nodded at her response before she had walked away, and then made my way back over to Bella.
“Um, what happened?” Bella asked once I walked back over to her, probably wondering Harry’s aunt to said to me, and most likely confused as to why I had went to talk to Harry’s aunt in the first place.
I contemplated for a second, wondering if I should tell her right now or not. I guessed that it might help me out a bit if I told her, maybe she could tell me what I should do. Even though she hated him, the fact that he is leaving might strive her to help me in some way, I wasn’t sure.
I really just needed someone to tell me if I should go and talk to him or not. Part of me knew that I should, but I wasn’t sure what to say to him. The other part of me told myself to just leave it alone because he probably doesn’t want to see me anyway.
“Gabi,” Bella said, breaking me out of my thoughts, “What happened?” she asked again.
“Um…” I hesitated for a moment,
“Harry’s moving back to England,” I finally managed to say to her.
“Seriously?” she asked.
“I’m not really sure,” I told her, I just knew the reasons that I made up in my head as to why he might me leaving, I didn’t have a definite answer.
“So, how do you feel about it, about him leaving?” she asked me.
“I honestly don’t know,” I told her, and she just nodded. I looked at the clock and saw that our practice times started a few minutes ago so I decided that I’d ask her later if I should go talk to him or not.
“We should probably go to the rink now, we can talk about this later,” I told her, and she nodded before we both walked over to the doors that led to the rinks.
Bella walked through my rink, off to her own rink as I stayed where I was. I walked over to the bleachers to set my bag down and unzipped the back to take my skates out. I slipped them onto my feet, and tied them.
Once they were on, I continued to sit on the bleachers for a few more minutes, not really feeling like standing up. I really just wanted to lie down on the ground or bleachers or something for a while. I was tired, and I was confused, and I felt stressed although I wasn’t really.
I was just confused on what I should do with the whole Harry situation, and I was worried about what outcome whatever I choose will have. I knew I should probably get up and skate right now though.
For one it was what I was supposed to be doing right now, and if I just sit here, I’ll be stuck with my own thoughts, and I really shouldn’t encourage that for myself right now.
I just didn’t want to think about this, but I didn’t want to do anything. I finally made myself get up, and I balanced myself on the skate blades as I walked across the padded floor and onto the ice. I skated through my routine, remembering some of the things that my dad had mentioned to help me out with parts that I wasn’t sure of.
He had come to my practice a couple of times during his lunch break last week, and it was pretty good for me. I felt like I was improving a lot more now and was feeling more sure of myself when skating the routine. The first few times I was going through it today probably weren’t my best, but it was the best I could seem to do right now.
After going through it another few times, my stupid thoughts that I couldn’t seem to control got the best of me and I crushed down onto the ice while trying to do a Lutz. If the ice wasn’t cold I probably would’ve just stayed there, but I made myself get back up onto my feet.
Usually it was pretty easy to forget everything and clear my mind while I was out here skating but right now I just couldn’t seem to do that. As much as I tried to clear my mind, everything kept creeping back in and I couldn’t shake it away.
After trying to go through my routine again and of course falling yet again on the Lutz, I finally just gave up for the day and got off the ice. I laid down on the bleachers and just stared at the ceiling, finally giving into my thoughts and letting them consume my mind right now.
The fact that Harry was leaving was stressful to think about, but I knew that I had to figure out at some point what I was going to do about all of this though. And now was a pretty could time to do it since I didn’t really have anything else to do considering I couldn’t focus on my skating.
I knew it would probably be the right thing to do if I called Harry and talked to him about this, but I was too nervous to and I wasn’t sure what I would say. I settled with I just needed to find out when Harry is leaving before I decided to do anything else.
I needed time to gather my thoughts anyway, and thankfully Harry’s aunt told me she would let me know the day that Harry was planning on leaving. I knew it was going to take forever to think of what I wanted to say to him, and my frequent procrastination wasn’t going to help me at all.
I knew there was nothing I could do to get him to stay, but I knew I needed to talk to him.