What Gabrielle said to me when she interrupted my apology was not the kind of interruption that I was expecting. I wasn’t really expecting one at all, but she did cut me off and I thought that maybe she was going to say something about my apology and I right then had already been thinking of a way to make it better, only to find out that it didn’t matter because she didn’t want to hear the apology at all now.
The first thought that went through my mind was that I ruined this. I ruined it. She said that yesterday had nothing to do with her decision and that she had been considering this for a few days now, but I knew that yesterday is what topped it all off for her decision.
I tried to reason with her, already thinking of ways that we could work through this, but she wasn’t listening to me, she just wouldn’t listen. She was already so blinded by her decision of breaking up with me, and her mind was already set on it that she wouldn’t even try to consider working through this.
I knew that I probably sounded pretty pathetic as I pleaded to her, but I couldn’t help it, it was my first response to all this and my mind was too filled with other things to care about how I sounded to her right now. Part of me was wishing that I could just play this cool like it was no big deal, but the pleading part of me came out with the hopes of working through this and getting her to reconsider this. I knew it was going to be pointless to give her my ideas of working through this though.
One that I came up with was to convince her that we could fake breakup that way she could see how people were going to respond to it without having to actually break things off, but I was at the point now where it was useless to try. The best I could do right now was to persuade her into thinking, knowing that I could help her work through this.
After yesterday she may think that I couldn’t, but that was just because I was just too distraction for no reason yesterday. It had really bothered me though when she said that she was doing this because of her dad and Bella. I guess that I should be relieved that I myself had been the reason for her doing this, it was also because of the idea and impression that Bella and her dad had of me, even though they’ve never even met me.
Well Bella has met me, and I think some of her hostility towards me comes from what I did just a few weeks ago, even though I apologized I didn’t know if she had fully forgiven me or not. I wished that I could get it through Gabrielle’s head though that her dad and Bella shouldn’t be the reason that she is doing this.
She shouldn’t just give up on us because her relationship with other people is hurting. I wanted her to work through this; we could both work through this. Find a way to get her dad to get to know me and like me instead of just giving up.
There were so many ways that I could help Gabrielle out right now with this, but she wasn’t going to listen to any of them.
She had finally had enough of me trying to convince her to think otherwise of her decision, she told me just to stop talking and then she ran out of the rink. When she left, I threw my hockey bag onto the ground as hard as I could, not caring about the contents inside for the time being. I ran a hand through my hair before covering my face with my hands and letting out a muffled scream.
“I ruined it,” I mumbled to myself as I picked my bag back up and headed out of the rink.
Those three words where the only thought in my mind right now and I couldn’t shake them, it was all I could think about, how I ruined all of this just with one stupid mistake. I refused to believe it when she told me that yesterday had nothing to do with this because I knew that it did.
I ran out of the lobby and to the parking lot, not caring if anyone saw my pathetic run with my hockey bag swinging back and forth on my shoulder, and tears threatening to stream down my face but I wouldn’t let them.
As I was walking to my car, I didn’t car about the fact that I still had practice today. Missing one day wasn’t going to hurt anyone, and I didn’t think that I could take being in there with those guys who contributed to what just happened merely minutes ago. I honestly didn’t want to see or be around anyone right now. I just wanted to take my mind off of all this, but everywhere I went, everyone I could talk to would just remind me of Gabrielle or they’d most likely bring her up.
All I could think about though was what a screw up I was, I messed everything up and I hated myself for it.
I finally made my way to my car and got in the drivers seat, slamming the door closed once I was seated.
I started up my car and backed out of the parking spot, and drove out of the lot. My desperation to get back home cause me to drive faster than I really should and I wouldn’t be surprised if I had run a few red lights, and with the way I was driving I was probably lucky that I didn’t end up in a wreck and was now safely driving into the driveway of my aunt’s house.
When I got out of the car I slammed the door shut, using any means I had to get some anger out, and that included slamming things and throwing my hockey bag earlier. I took my key out of my bag and opened the door.
I tried not to slam this door when I closed because I knew that would make my aunt mad and if I upset her who knows maybe she’ll just kick me out of her life without giving me the chance to properly apologize like other people seem to do.
I heard a voice that sounded like my aunt’s say something, but I wasn’t listening. I hardly made it two steps into the living room before I broke down and just collapsed in front of the couch, bringing my knees up to my chest as I now sat on the floor and buried my head.
“Harry,” I heard my aunt say, obviously worried. She helped my up onto the couch and made me look at her.
“What happened? Why aren’t you at practice?” she asked me all at once.
“I can’t,” I told her. “You can’t what? Harry you need to tell me what happened,” she said to me.
I couldn’t bring myself to speak right now and my aunt soon realized that. She got up from the couch and told me that she’d give me a few minutes and then she headed into the kitchen. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to talk at all about this or not. I knew that she was going to try and subtly pester me about it, being curious and all, but I just wasn’t sure.
I guess that talking about might help me out a bit though, and I hadn’t even heard what she had to say to me as advice or just what she had to say in general, and she usually does make me feel better. So I continued to wait on the couch for her to come back from the kitchen and I decided that I’d have some answers for her questions.