Once Bella’s mom dropped us off at the rink, she had told Bella that she was going to leave work a bit earlier today so that she could be there to watch and help Bella with some of her practice time today. The of course just put me in an even worse mood and I couldn’t help but think she said that on purpose. I didn’t know why I thought that though since she didn’t even know that my dad and I had gotten into a fight about that topic last night.
As Bella and I were walking in, she kept asking me and making sure that her and her mom were still taking me home after practice.
I kept telling her yes, but since I couldn’t completely confirm that that answer was true she continued to give me a hard time about yesterday. As far as I knew I was going to be riding home with her, but it wasn’t certain, nothing was, I didn’t know what was going to happen today, I didn’t know what was going to happen tomorrow, I didn’t even know what was going to happen to minutes from now, probably nothing, but you get my point.
I didn’t understand why this was bothering me so much, but it was and I really wish it didn’t because it was a stupid thing to have bother me right now considering everything else that might occur today. Of course it did though, just like everything else was going today. This was one of the less important things that bothered me since it really wasn’t that important, but it occupied my mind for the time being so I’m that’s why I was letting the situation find ways to bother me so much, so I wouldn’t be stuck to thinking about, well anything that my mind would want to stress me out about today.
Bella and I continued to walk across the lobby to the doors where the private rinks that were ours for the next hours were. I said bye to Bella once I was in my rink and she was heading to hers. She just gave me a quick wave before walking to her rink. I was pretty content with the fact that she had given me a wave since she usually didn’t give me any response at all. I was thankful that she was slowly starting to forgive me, but if I stayed at this rate I probably wouldn’t even be that close to her fully forgiving me by next Christmas.
I’ve tried my best to apologize for everything that she was mad at me for, but of course that just wasn’t enough for her, I was hoping that after today though it would change, although I wasn’t sure how much of a mood I was going to be to hang out or go shopping with her or some crap. Hopefully she’d be there for me like I always was for her, but I just wasn’t sure and I didn’t know how anything was going to play out today, I just knew how it was going to start.
I set my skating bag down on the bleachers and began to unzip it and take out my skates. I slipped one on to either foot, tying them up as quickly as I could since I was so eager to start skating. Skating helped me just forget about everything for a while and that was really what I needed right now was to have no stress for a few hours.
Of course while I was skating there was always going to be that reoccurring thought of small hope that my dad would decide to come for a little today, but considering the scene this morning, that was most likely not going to happen. Everything else though that was on my mind would somehow just leave my thoughts while I was on the ice.
I was only reminded and sometimes thought about my dad when I was on the ice because the rink has correspondence with some of the problems going on with my dad right now, especially dealing with while I was skating on the rink. I got up from where I had been sitting on the bleachers once my skates were on, and then walked out on the ice.
I began skating my routine, and as I was skating I was just going over what things that I could improve when I went through it again and basically just trying to be my dad right now and criticizing myself on everything. I was probably being a bit to hard on myself right now; I guess I was just putting too much stress on myself to make sure that it was perfect.
If my dad was here I knew that he would be correcting everything that needed improvement since he would’ve actually seen it instead of what I’m going by which was just how I thought I had skated. I was also just being hard on myself since I kept feeling like I wasn’t skating as well I as I usually did since it had been so long since I had been skating every single day.
A lot really did happen during that break from the rink. One of those things being the fact that I wasn’t able to skate and now I felt like I sucked and was even further from improving and now I was just catching up to get back to where I was. That was one of the smaller things though that affected my life during the month off.
Everything that I was worrying about right now had been a result from something that happened while we weren’t at the rink. Most of it was bad and stressful things unfortunately; even some of the good things had now been turned into those stressful thoughts and events.
I had been glad that I got to spend some extra time with Harry, but then I ended up going back to his aunt’s house with him a couple of times and then coach found out about us and it just all went downhill from there.
I had thought that I was actually going to have everything go pretty well and feel content with that break that I had had, but of course something just had to go wrong and now everything was just ruined and messed up and I just couldn’t take it.
I finally made myself get out of my stressed and worried state and get back to focusing on my skating. So I skated on the ice, the blades on the bottom of my feet gliding with ease. Before I knew it, Bella was walking into my rink, sitting down on the bleachers to watch me since her practice time was now over. I had to feel better though that she actually stayed since sometimes she had usually just walked out and waited for me in the lobby, I guess she just wanted to make sure that her and her mom would be picking me up.
Her mom had come by awhile ago to watch Bella skate for awhile before she had to head back to her work, and of course I was just here by myself. I had decided that I was going to go ahead and get off the rink early so Bella and I could leave before the hockey guys got here.
I really hadn’t thought it through when I was planning on talking to Harry, I guess if I didn’t get a chance to talk to him today at the rink I would just call him and ask him to come over or something since I wanted to talk to him in person.
I knew I couldn’t sit and wait for him because that would for sure make Bella mad, and I of course would get utterly bored.