Her and Him

I'm lonely, if you couldn't tell.


6. I Don't Want To Be Addicted To You

As a child, I was taught to always
say no to drugs; shifty looking men
offering me sweets in brown paper bags
were hard to come by in our town, 
so I was never on alert. 
I met you in a darkened room,
the smell of smoke and something worse
lingering on your breath as we spoke. 

I fell.

We continued to meet, this time by daylight, 
and I could never shake the scent that
always seemed to follow you. I knew it, 
the way it clung to your clothes and altered
your eyes (your kind, gentle eyes) 
made me feel sick to my stomach. 
I didn't see the attraction. 

And still, I fell.

I became accustomed to your taste, knowing
that your character could never be changed
I changed my own, accepting your habits
as though they were mine. The taste of the forbidden
always on your tongue, I knew you, you knew me, 
and I became addicted to the sensation. 
The feeling of being loved, 
of someone being addicted to me.

And so, I fell. 

And despite falling, I knew. I knew you. 
I knew nothing could get in the way of your
preferences, and I was not one of them. 
And still I remained silent, desperate to retain
the happiness in my chest, to substitute
the loneliness I felt before.

I was not your addiction, and you dropped me
to pick up a new hobby, a new pass time, 
a cigarette between your lips, that scent
always there when my head met your chest. 

I felt alone, but, I realised. 

I don't want to be addicted to you, 
like you are to so many things.  



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