Filmmaker Wannabes: Like a Prayer

Tyler and Rich are given a simple task by their producer: Film his sister's wedding. That doesn't seem like such a hard task now, does it? But when the bride develops a crush on one of our filmmakers, a murder happens on sight, and family rivalries break out...all hell breaks out within the church.

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1. From Filmmakers to Videographers

INT – TYLER’s LIVING ROOM

(RICH is setting up the camera on the tripod as TYLER looks over the script)

TYLER:

Do you think we should cut the segment involving decapitated midgets?

RICH:

Jesus! I thought you were joking about putting those in the script!

TYLER:

Eh. I needed something to prove that the killer meant business.

RICH:

Yeah but still, that’s pretty gruesome! Besides, where are we going to find actors of that size?

TYLER:

Internet. Put out a call for all midget actors.

RICH:

I don’t think they like to be called that, Tyler.

TYLER:

Oh, I’m sorry. Put out a call for all midget performers.

(RICH face palms. TYLER’s phone rings. He answers)

TYLER:

Yellow! You’re speaking to Tyler Sebert.

VINCENT:

Tyler! It’s Vincent.

(TYLER spit takes into RICH’s face)

RICH:

Awe Jesus!

VINCENT:

What’s going on over there?

TYLER:

Nothing. Richard is just saying his afternoon prayers. You know the routine. So what gives us the honor in which I get to hear your beautiful voice today, oh wonderful producer?

VINCENT:

Tyler, I’m not in the mood for your verbal fuckage today. I’m actually here to give you a gig.

TYLER:

A gig? But Rich and I are in the middle of shooting-

VINCENT:

Yeah, yeah. That shitty slasher film. I get it. But listen, my sister is getting married and she wants it to be videotaped but our videographer back out at the last minute. So…I can’t believe I’m saying this-

TYLER:

You suggested us, didn’t you?

VINCENT:

I did.

TYLER:

Vincent, we’re filmmakers. Not wedding videographers.

VINCENT:

There’s five thousand dollars in it for yah if you do it.

(TYLER drops the phone)

VINCENT:

Tyler?

(RICH picks it up)

RICH:

We’ll be happy to do it, Mr. Polk. Honestly, it’ll be a nice refresher from all this crazy filming we’re used to doing.

VINCENT:

Good! But fellas…if anything wrong goes down at my sister’s wedding…I will personally murder the both of you and make it look something that came out of John Wayne Gacey’s basement. Got it?

RICH:

Got it, Mr. Polk. Don’t worry. Your sister’s wedding is in good hands!

VINCENT:

Great. I’ll email you both the information in the next hour. The wedding is tomorrow so you better polish up your dress shoes and make a trip to the drift shop for some suits. Polk out.

(VINCENT hangs up)

TYLER:

Great. We’ve been demoted to wedding help.

RICH:

But well paid wedding help!

TYLER:

I guess. I just really wanted to film Rebecca getting her guts thrown all over the ceiling.

RICH:

Next time, Tyler. But as for right now, we have a wedding to get ready for. So come on! We have to charge our batteries, dust out our tuxes, and check our emails.

TYLER:

Right. You know, I haven’t been to a wedding in years. This should be fun.

 

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