-REIGN ALICIA CROSS-
I watched as the enthusiasm on Justin’s face completely faded upon the mention of his father’s name, lips forming into a thin line and eyes with nothing but darkness in them. They were raven black, and I knew then that he was upset.
“Justin, I know—“
“You don’t know anything, Reign…” he cut me off, cold gaze never leaving mine. I pursed my lips, swallowing a lump forming in my throat, feeling as if he just stabbed me right through my chest. I don’t know anything, ofcourse…
“But I do know something,” my voice was tiny, afraid that if I spoke any louder, matters wouldn’t be the way it was supposed to go. He stared at me blankly, not a word coming out of him, and then he stood up, turning his back on me and tugged on his tousled hair with a huge sigh.
“I don’t have time for this,” he complained, “I already have a lot of sh*t to be dealing with, Reign. I don’t need anymore.”
“Everything would be easier if you take time to even listen to me, Justin.” I sighed. “I won’t give you anymore “sh*t” to handle, I’m here to pull even a single thorn off your chest—“
“By what Reign?” he turned to face me, a scoff following his words. “By talking about my assh*le of a father? You think that’ll make me feel better? No sh*t.”
I sighed. “Just hear me out.”
“No.” his answer was quick, and I doubt he even thought about it before his voice came out with the response.
“Please.” I insisted, a desperate look on my face. I just wanted to know why all of this happened. Know how exactly he felt in those days that his father wasn’t there. How he survived the kind of life they had when his mom lived with Jason’s father—who basically killed her. I could just imagine what was happening to them inside of that man’s home, and I could actually feel myself cringe at the thought. I felt horrible. And I wanted to be there for them, for him. Or even atleast let him know that I was trying to help him, that I really did care.
Justin’s gaze made its way to the floor, jaw tensing. It made me frown to just look at him, his face was never stress-free, eventhough when he was laughing, I still didn’t seem to fail noticing the sorrow inside that never seemed to leave. He never failed to look more than amazing, but that wasn’t just it, he would have looked a lot more than perfect if he was actually happy for once. And you don’t know how much I wanted that to happen.
“He never cared,” Justin spoke all of a sudden, diverting his gaze back to me, his eyes turning glossy, “So why would I care either?”
He looked as vulnerable as ever, and I didn’t even know what to do.
“No, he doesn’t deserve even five seconds of my time. Leave it at that.”
“He cares about you, Justin.”
“No, he doesn’t. He never did because he was busy putting his dick on another woman and he was happy,” he spat bitterly, fists clenching on his sides. “He doesn’t even deserve to be f*cking happy while me and my mom was miserable, while I’m still f*cking miserable.”
I felt my heart drop further and further down that it actually felt like inches off the ground. He wasn’t supposed to feel this way, but I couldn’t really blame him if he did.
“There wasn’t a time he had stopped thinking about you,” I said, but my words didn’t seem to comfort him.
“I see him Reign, I f*cking see him with his children at the park, I see him playing and laughing with them. I f*cking see how happy he is, like I’d never fit in the picture. There are times that I just wanted to feel him, to hear him say my name like he was actually my dad. I wanted to hold my siblings, eventhough we didn’t come out of the same woman. But I’m angry, I’m always angry.” Tears were effortlessly rolling down his face, though I doubt he even noticed it. “I’m not supposed to feel this way, I should’ve forgotten all about Jeremy f*cking Bieber and his f*cking new perfect family like he had forgotten all about me. I feel f*cking worthless and stupid to even care about them when they don’t even give a sh*t about me.”
At that moment on, I knew this was going to be even more complicated than I thought it would be. But I wasn’t backing out now, not when he was actually opening up and pouring out his feelings. I felt my eyes burn as I watched him, no words coming out of my mouth just yet, but I knew what I was going to say, I just wanted him to get all the emotions and feelings out first.
I would’ve stood up to wrap him in my tiny arms but I wasn’t able to stand up, so I patted the space next to me, gesturing for him to sit down with a weak smile on my face. He just looked at me, not leaving his ground.
“Let me make you feel better, Justin,” I offered, looking at him reassuringly. “Let me help you.”
He didn’t say anything, but he dragged himself back on the couch, sitting down beside me. His lips trembled, like he was going to have a breakdown anytime soon, and I was there to comfort him.
“I don’t know a lot about you… We’re not bestfriends or anything. You don’t know a lot about me either but there’s one thing I just want you to know… You can trust me, Justin. I know it’s weird but I care about you—you and Jason, I really do care about you both and I hope you know that.”
He kept quiet, so I continued, looking at the ground. “There’s nothing I want more than for you to open up to me. You've asked me why I was helping you; I bet you've asked yourself why I defy my own father secretly because of you," slightly chuckled. "I asked myself that question too. And I think I know the answer now…”
“Because you’re a good person, Justin. I know it sounds ironic, but it’s true. I’ve seen this side of you people can’t, and I guess that’s why I feel the need to keep you from being caught. I live with a man who’ll do everything to catch you and put you in prison, but never did once that I felt guilty because I’m hiding you. I want you to atleast acknowledge what I’m doing and believe that someone cares for you. I care.”
“What do you want me to do?”
“Let me help you. Tell me everything, Justin. I promise I’ll make you feel better.” I was looking directly at him now, watching as he gazed down in deep thought, then finally nodded. I felt a small smile form on my lips and I repositioned myself on the couch so I fully faced him.
“Go on,” I urged, reassuringly.
He sighed and ran his hands down his face before he started talking. “I was three. Everyday Jeremy leaves and it was only me and mom in the house. I always asked her where “Daddy” was and she would tell me that he was at work. I was too young then, but I remember everything. I always heard them scream at each other at night, then my mom would throw things at him, it would wake me up and I would start crying. Then they would hear it and stop, Jeremy ‘then would promise me something to make me stop crying. He would tell me we’d go buy icecream and play in the park first thing in the morning when I wake up. We were so close—I don’t even know why it was easy for him to just… walk away. I remember walking to the kitchen one morning, they were there, mom was sitting across from dad on the table and she was crying. There were suitcases on the floor and Jeremy was dressed. I asked him where he was going, and then he told me he was only going to “work” but he never really came back. The next day I saw my mom packing, then she told me we were going home to my grandparents and then I told her we can’t because dad wasn’t home yet. But she got angry and told me that I don’t have a dad anymore.”
“I grew up hating him, then mom found Bryan and decided that we move in to his place. He was nice at first, but turned out to be our worst nightmare. He would beat my mom up when he’s angry and when I try to stop him, he would drag me upstairs and lock me up in his closet—that’s how I became so afraid of dark and small places. I could hear my mom screaming every night and I would be there in the closet till morning. I don’t even know how I’m alive. I didn’t know she was pregnant in those times, and I’m surprised the baby didn’t die. We thought having Jason was going to solve our problems, but no. Jason only grew up to join our misery, his own dad never really cared about him and I could always hear him say that he was ashamed to call Jason his son. He was little; he was a wimp and was constantly bullied in school. I tried my best to protect him as the older brother, I got into fights and lots of trouble for him. No one liked us. They all hated us. I can’t even explain how angry I was. At everyone. At Jeremy, it wouldn’t have happened if he didn’t leave us. I would’ve been a different person now and my mom would be alive.”
I didn’t know what to feel at that moment, taking in all that he has told me was too much. It was crazy what they have been through, I didn’t think I would be able to survive if I was in their place. I could’ve sworn my heart wasn’t in my chest anymore and I would have picked up the pieces of it on the floor. I could feel my eyes welling up with salty tears as I watched Justin’s emotionless face, though it was drenched with tears, his hand shaking as he clasped them together. I could tell how badly he wanted to bawl his eyes out but he was holding it in.
His eyes met mine and I was instantly weak on my knees, they were full of sorrow and I just didn’t know anymore. I thought I was going to be able to handle everything but I was obviously wrong. It felt as though the confidence boost I had earlier was completely gone.
“Why can’t he love me like he loves them?” he choked out a sob and I felt a like my lungs couldn’t function well.
“Why can’t he love me like he loves his new family? W-why did he leave m-me? Why did h-he leave u-us? I-I waited, I waited f-for him to co-come and take u-us. I waited f-for him to s-stop o-our misery. I k-kept apologizing th-that I-I e-ever got mad at h-him eventhough he c-couldn’t hear me, I-I wanted him t-to save u-us. I-I gave h-him the chance, b-but he n-never came. It felt l-like I g-gave him a choice and h-he chose to b-break my heart. I…I—“
“—Justin, please,” I cut him off, cupping his face in my hands as I saw it turning red and he was now gasping for air. His chest was rising up and down rapidly, beads of sweat forming his skin. “Just breathe, okay? Breathe.”
“It’s alright,” I reassured him, smiling weakly through the tears, “Calm down and talk when you can, I’m not going anywhere, okay?”
He was still breathing heavy, but he nodded his head and stared at me with his bloodshot eyes. I just wondered why they still seemed so beautiful.
A while had gone by and Justin was asleep on my lap as I stroked his hair lovingly, looking down at him in deep thought. I just wondered how hard it was to be him. Everything in his life was just so messed up, he had so many regrets and here I thought my life wasn’t perfect. Ofcourse it wasn’t, but atleast I was happy—but his life, it was far from good, and definitely a million miles away from being perfect.
I sighed and stopped running my fingers through his hair, letting my hand travel down his arm to trace the tattoos. I felt really guilty. I haven’t really succeeded making him feel better like I promised and I haven’t told him Jeremy’s side of the story. But maybe it wasn’t just a good time.
Josh came in the night, it was probably 7:30 and he told me he had to talk to Justin so he came. Justin was still sleeping and he said he understood because there has been a lot going on lately and Justin didn’t really get the rest he needed. I asked him what he meant by “a lot of things going on” but he refused to tell me so I just let it go.
We left after dinner and Josh had to drive us home and basically help me walk like I was a disabled person. I gently pressed my lips on Justin’s cheek before I left, I didn’t know if he felt it since he was sleeping though. I then told Jason to tell Justin we’ll talk some other time and gave him a hug.
We dropped by Emily’s place before heading home, Gracie was cradled in my arms and the drive was really quiet. I could sense that something was up by the way Josh avoided looking at me and I knew he knew there was something up with Justin and I too.
Dad wasn’t home when I opened the door and I just now noticed that he left a text message, saying he was at work and will be going home in the morning. I was in deep thought for hours when I finally reached my room without falling off the stairs. Gracie was out in dreamland while I couldn't sleep still, thinking about Justin, wondering about how he was doing at the time.
I should probably just leave matters in Jeremy’s hands.
A/N: Idk. Was it long enough? lol. I know it's short.
Thanks for reading, beautiful people xD Lovelots <3 ;)