-REIGN ALICIA CROSS-
Did I like him?
I ran a hand through my hair, a sigh escaping my mouth as the question sank in my brain. I didn't know what the answer was... Damn, I just met him!
"Where's Gracie?" I asked, trying to change the subject. But ofcourse Emily Flynn will always be Emily Flynn.
She crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow.
"She upstairs, asleep," she answered. "And don't try to change the subject."
I sighed, "I don't have time for this, Em."
"Just answer," she shrugged. I rolled my orbs and shook my head.
"I don't know.... I don't know." I sighed, "Let's just... let's sleep."
With that, I stood up and went upstairs.
"What do you mean, you don't want this life anymore?" Justin asked me, his eyes locked with mine.
"You know exactly what I mean," I sighed and tore my gaze away from him. I could see him stressing from my peripheral vision.
"You know it's too late to back out," he mumbled and I could feel the tension grow. I was having this feeling of regret and emptiness. Regret of letting myself and my brother's lives be ruined by this pathetic excuse of a living. Emptiness of not being able to have real people around you. I truly do understand what Justin felt about trusting someone because I've seen him give it to someone who wasn't even close to deserving it. I watched him give up his heart only to have it ripped and thrown on his face back. It took time for him to mend it - not like he already have.
"Maybe we shouldn't have chose to live this way," I almost whispered, looking back at him. His jaw tensed as he looked away.
"We didn't choose," he stated coldly.
"We did, and you know that," I protested.
"We didn't have a choice!" he almost yelled as he snapped his attention at me. I gasped and backed up but regained my composure.
"We always had a choice Justin!" I snapped back.
"No, Jason," he shook his head, "We'd both be dead by now if Logan didn't take us in. We had no choice. And that's why we're still breathing. Living..."
"Still breathing yet we have to run for lives every second of the day," I said. He kept quiet then, that's why I continued, "Breathing, but challenging death itself, having hatred thrown at us for even existing. We're breathing, to take others' lives. Do you think that's what living is?"
He chewed on his lower lip, not uttering a single word. I placed a hand on his shoulder, slightly squeezing it.
"Yes, we're breathing Justin," I smiled weakly. "But we're not living... "
"But it was the only way we can live," he said in a low voice.
"We both had our childhood taken away from us. We never got to experience what normal kids do," I paused. "But if I were to choose, I'd rather die than to have my whole life taken away... Atleast we could have died together. Atleast we wouldn't ever had to feel this kind pain anymore."
"You would have never had your heart used and broken. You would have never had fear in trusting someone. You could have been a better person than my father was. We could have had someone to take care of right now. We could have had gotten the chance to treat a woman the way they should." I could feel the tears forming. Justin looked at me with bloodshot eyes, lips quivering as tears engulfed his vision. "But look at us now... We're far more cruel than he was..."
"As much as I want to reverse it, you know I can't Jason," he almost whispered, his voice cracking at the end. I shut my eyes, knowing he was right and took a deep breath, letting it out through my nostrils. I leaned back on my seat and stared ahead.
"We still have a choice," I remarked. "I know there is and we have to choose between them."
Justin didn't say anything. Instead, he started the car again and drove off. Not that I expected him to.
Justin went straight to his room by the time we got home, not even listening to a word Josh had to say. I understood him though. I was with him in living this life. If it was hard for me, it was harder for him. This times were the times where he just wants to be alone and think. But I wouldn't say it ends well.
"Dammit Layla, get the hell out of my room!" I heard Justin's yell from upstairs and the loud slamming shut of the door.
"That b-tch," Josh chuckled and shook his head as he took a swig of his beer.
"I wouldn't be surprised if Logan dumps her ass one day," I remarked, leaning back on the couch, showing no interest on the alcoholic beverages in front of me.
"I heard that," Layla's annoying voice said and we both looked at her. She was on the first step of the stairs only in a bra and short shorts.
"Good," I spat, rolling my orbs. She scoffed and stomp her feet away while Josh snickered.
"Asshole," I heard her mutter.
"Thanks!" I bellowed after her with a chuckle.
"She's not hot at all, it's obvious she's pretty damn used," Josh commented. "I bet her vagina's too loose."
"You don't say," I chuckled throwing my head back, with Josh joining me. The atmosphere then became quiet, neither of us said anything. It wasn't until Josh broke it.
"You think JB's gon' be okay?" he asked. I looked at him as if saying, 'You think I know?'
He sighed, setting his bottle down and ran a hand through his hair, "Imma check on him," he said and stood up but I grabbed his arm.
"Leave him for now," I said. He hesitated before nodding and sitting back down. I let out a breath and closed my eyes, "I just wish he doesn't do anything stupid."
"You know stupid is his thing," Josh pointed out.
"Too bad," I agreed.
"He needs to stop being depressed and all, really. It's getting unhealthy," he took another swig.
"He's been through more than you know," I muttered.
"You two shouldn't let yourself live in the past, seriously," he adviced.
"It's not like the present's doing good," I chuckled humorlessly, shaking my head, "I bet the future has worse."
"That's the problem with you," he said, setting his elbows on the table while I looked at him questionably.
"You two think of the worse in things that are not even happening yet," he stated. "I work here longer than you but do you see me having a serious problem like you do? And not to mention your brother?"
I pursed my lips and looked down, I reached out and patted my shoulder, "Why don't you tell me why's that?"
"There's nothing to tell," I mumbled.
He sighed, "Look Jase, I've been a brother to the both of you since you got here but you never told me anything about your past," he stated, "You have a lot on your plate. Give some to me.
I smiled lightly and sighed as I nodded, "We're not really orphans," he looked at me in confusion, I sighed and continued, "Justin's dad left when he was three, and well, Bryan-- who I dare to call father married his mom." I ran a hand through my hair. "My dad was--well, he used to abuse Justin and mom even before I came in the picture. We had to suffer unbearable pain everyday of our lives. School was no different for us. I got bullied because I was little and Justin tried to protect me everytime until it came to the point where a student was brought to the hospital. We never had friends then, they left us. No one treated us like human beings. Everyone feared us. It pushed us to the edge, especially Justin. He thought no one would ever like him. That's why he was easily caught when Jhenyca came in. He felt like he had something good to look forward to. But again, he was wrong..."
I could already feel the tears coming, but I managed to keep them in. Josh looked at me with sympathy and nodded, urging me to continue.
"And the night when Logan took us in was the night we witnessed our mom beat to death," I choked out.
-REIGN ALICIA CROSS-
"I hate him," was the words I constantly heard from Gracie since this morning. I couldn't blame her. Her parents were heartlessly killed.
It somehow gave me a second thought on Justin. I thought of him doing that and I felt nothing but anger. Why in the world would he do such a thing? I mean, it doesn't matter if Gracie's parents were criminals. Killing them because it's your job isn't a good enough reason. You just took the chance of a little girl to grow up with a complete family only for a pathetic excuse of a life.
I like him, I admit it. I like him a lot. But I couldn't help but feel like it was a mistake. I felt like I should've told dad that night. Not to punish Justin, but to stop his chances of killing an innocent girl's parents.
I sighed and kissed the top of Gracie's head, as she whimpered in my chest. Heartwrenching sobs escaping her lips.