I’ve been sitting in my bed for hours just staring at the space in front of me, it wasn't until around midnight last night did I finally lose it a break down crying. Devon texted me telling me that he was going to stop by today and get a few more of his things. I really didn't want to see him after yesterday. One kiss wasn't compared to a year full of fucking some girl. It tied everything together though. Why he always went on so many business trips here, why he always looked freshly showered when he got back from certain places. I hurt worse knowing I was too blind to see any of this, who knows how many people he’s been with since we got together.
I got out of bed groaning and going straight down stairs for something to drink, and it wasn't going to be light. I know drinking away your problems isn't an actual serum for emotional pain, but it would work for now. I poured some of the drink that Devon ‘invented’ a long time ago, but I added a little more vodka to this one. I’d rather be passed out on the floor somewhere , than half to deal with his sorry ass when he gets here. I sat on the couch with the full bottle of alcohol.
I probably dozed off for a couple hours because I woke up with Devon saying my name in front of me. Well, shit. This wasn't my plan, I didn't want to see him. I can't do that while I'm awake. I sat up quickly and took another drink from the bottle. “Drinking yourself to death again?” Devon said, and turned from he heading towards the stairs. I rolled my eyes following him, swaying a little bit on my way up the stairs. We got to the room and he went right to getting more things out of the dresser and closet. I sat at the edge of the bed just looking at him, I don't know what my reason was for following him, but I did.
I really wanted another drink, but I left the bottle downstairs. “Hun,” Devon started, and I looked at him. “Please don’t drink yourself to death. You know how you get when you get really drunk.” He sat next to me. I hated the sweet voice that he had right now, mainly because I loved it so much.
“Yeah, I get drunk and make out with minors.” I said, and hiccuped a little. I hate hiccups, they hurt my chest. He sighed and rubbed my arm. Everything was kind of numb, it was a weird feeling, so I didn't move.
“Don't blame yourself for all this. I fucked up a lot more.” I looked at him, giving him a sad look. He leaned in slowly, before attaching our lips. Our lips slotted together, soft and slow. He pushed me back on the bed still kissing me, his hand ran up and down my sides. In the middle of the kiss, I realized that this was all wrong. I pushed him off of me and stood up.
“Devon, don’t,” it made me so sick to know where else those lips where. “Can you please just leave?” he scuffed and gathered his things, pushing past me. Watching him leave hurt each time, but its was also this weird relief that washed over me. I never noticed how much poison he could put in my life and somehow manage to fix it just by kissing me. I waited until I heard his car drive away before going downstairs. I grabbed the bottle of alcohol and drank more of it. I really didn't know what to do with myself, my heart was pulled out and stomped on by a pair of high heels.
I sent a text to Alex asking if he could come over. It wasn't the best idea, but I needed someone to talk too. He replied back saying that he’ll be over in a few minutes once his parents leave. I sat back down drinking more. I heard a knock on the door a minute later, I just assumed it was Alex, so I just yelled a ‘come in’. I looked over at Alex who walked in and over to the couch. “hey,” he mumbled and sat down next to me. I threw the empty bottle of alcohol on the floor. “how are you?” he asked.
I shrugged before talking. “Everything is numb.” I just looked at him. “Sorry for calling you over here. It was stupid, you’re 16, what can you do?” I was feeling kind of dizzy.
“I don't know. How much did you drink?” I pointed to the bottle. “Do you have more in the kitchen?” he questioned, and I nodded. He got up going to the kitchen and didn't come back for a few minutes. I got a little suspicious, so I got up going to Alex. My jaw dropped at him pouring the alcohol down the sink. I ran over to him pushing him from the sink and taking the bottles from him.
“Why!?” I screamed putting the lids back on them.
“Probably because you're drinking yourself to death.” I was going to say something else but Alex continued talking. “No. I may not have known for that long, but I'm not going to let you drink yourself to death.”
“Why do you care about that so much? You’re a kid.” I asked him, he gave me a strange look. It was sad or angry. It was some weird emotion on his face that I just couldn't read. He took a deep breath then sighed.
“That’s one of the reasons Zack always got in trouble.” he looked at me with slightly teary eyes. “I don't care about the drinking, care about people drinking themselves to death because of a breakup or a fight. It’s not worth it.” he said, and started walking away.
“Alex-” I tried stopping him, but he was already out the door.
“I’ll talk to you later, Jack. You need to sober up a little bit.” he said before leaving. Great, that's another person leaving. What happen to teenagers being dumb? This kid was a lot smarter than the rest. I took what he said to heart, clearly something happened to him that involved drinking, I didn't want to make it any worse for him. I poured out most of the drinks, except maybe two or three bottles. Just to have some around, I would probably regret all of this, but I wasn't exactly thinking straight right now. I went upstairs and laid down, when I'm sober I need to call or text him to apologize. I know he was only trying to help me.
I left the drunk Jack standing alone in the kitchen. Maybe I knocked some kind of sense into him, but who knows when it comes to a drunk person. He could have heard me loud and clear, or not at all. It wasn't exactly my place to step into his life like that, but he called me over and I hated seeing him like that. To the average person, he was merely a drunk person with a drinking problem, but I saw past that. I knew what a broken heart looked like, and Jack had it all over his face. I really want to talk to him and find out why he was so broken, but not like this. When he's actually sober and can hold a conversation for more than thirty seconds.
I got inside, making sure neither of my parents were home, and when to the roof where Kenadie was the last time I saw her. I climbed through the window and onto the roof, sitting next to her. She sat up here a lot. Its the perfect thinking space. “Back so soon?” she, asked and turned her attention to me. I just nodded. “Did something happen?”
I shrugged. “Kind of… I don't know.” I said, looking out at the view from the back of our house. It was always really pretty.
“You were gone that long. Something had to happen.” she pressed on. What is with her and being so nosy? I guess she cares, in a way.
“I didn't talk to him very much.” she gave me a confused look. “I got over there and he was drunk,” I stopped because Kenadie cut me off.
“Did he hurt you?” she had a light flash of panic in her eyes. I just shook my head, calming her down a little.
“No, no. He didn't do anything me. It was more himself.” her confused look came back. “He kept telling me how everything felt numb and stuff. I don't know why though, I asked him how much he drank. He pointed to his bottle the was on the floor and there were a couple small ones on the table. I made me feel sink to know that he was just drinking himself to death.”
“Why was he drinking so much?”
“I don't know.” I replied, and shrugged. I stared back out at the horizon. It was only the middle of the day, but the water that was just past the subdivision was pretty. “I'm pretty sure it had something to do with his boyfriend. I think they broke up or had a really big fight.” I paused sighing, it kind of felt like my fault. I hugged my arms tightly around my legs. “I dumped out most of his alcohol.”
“What?” Kenadie said next to me. I looked at her. “Alex, you know you don't just dump someones alcohol out, especially while they're drunk. You don't know what they’re going to do.” I turned my whole body to her.
“I know, but you didn't see him. It’s just making everything worse for him and I don't want that to happen, Kena.” I felt tears well in my eyes again, like they did earlier. “I don't want someone else that I care about to hurt themselves like this.” I really felt like crying, but my body wouldn't let me. Kenadie scooted closer and wrapped her arms around my shoulders.
“I know, Alex.” she hugged me tighter. “I'm sorry.” she whispered in my ear, just holding me tight. She was the only person that could actually make me feel better after what happened. “I know you care about him, you’re one of the most caring people I know, but you can just dump his drinks. You can just talk to him, tell him about Zack.” I felt my heart sink at Zack's name. It always did, but I became a pro at hiding it. “Does he know anything about Zack?”
I shook my head no. “No, I told him he moved because he got in a lot of trouble, so his parents moved him away to get better.” she sighed. She knew how much it hurt me to talk about him.
“Maybe tell him what happened. Maybe you can talk some kind of sense into him. He’s a lot older than you and can just completely ignore you, but Jack doesn't seem like that kind of person.” How does she go from this crazy sister that just sleeps around, to one of the best sisters someone could have.
“Thanks , Kena.” I said and hugged her back.
“Now, go fuck his brains out.” I gave his a less-than-impressed-look. “Oh, right. You’re the bottom.” she said sarcastically, and I just lightly pushed her. We didn't wanna fall off the roof. This is the real Kena that I loved, the one that could cheer me up in a matter of seconds.
“I’ll talk to him later when he’s sobered up enough to talk too.” I said, and she nodded. “I’ll see you later.” I told her before getting off the roof and climbing back in through the window. I really hope that he’s someone that sobers up pretty fast. I really want to walk to him. Maybe I care about him a little too much, he’s an adult and I'm just a teenager.
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