My back was insanely sore and my neck was stiff from sleeping on the couch last night. I knew I wasn't exactly like a saint, I got drunk and made out with Alex, but I stopped it and it never went farther than that. Devon actually had sex with someone else, and it was a girl, and he lied about it. That just made me feel that much worse. I ran my fingers through my hair and got up, going to the kitchen. I turned on the coffee pot and pour myself a cup when It was done. I sat at the counter running my finger along the top of the glass just staring at it. I heard Devon walk down the stairs and felt his arms around my shoulders. “Hey, babe.” he said and kissed my cheek. It almost made me feel sick to know that those lips were on a girl. I had nothing against them, but they were exactly my taste.
“Devon, please.” I said quietly, pushing him away and wiping my cheek.
“Oh come on, Jack.” he groaned, and looked at me. “Why are you even mad at this? I told you I was sorry and It won't happen again.”
“Sorry isn’t going to make up for cheating on me. You had sex with her. If it was an accidental drunk kiss, maybe I could forgive you, But you had actual sex with her.” I told him, covering my mouth with my hand. I didn't want him to hear how broken I felt.
“Oh, like you’re such a saint, Jack. I saw you make out with the kid from next door, but I didn't say anything.”
“Why not?” I asked him. Looking at him through my lashes.
“Because it was just a kiss. I knew you'd be drunk at your party. I didn't know you’d make out with the kid, but I knew it was just a kiss. I didn't say anything because It didn't matter.” he told me.
“That's different, Devon. He kissed me first, yeah, I kissed him back and it was stupid, but I stopped because I thought of you. I didn't sleep with him.” he groaned again, and slammed his hands against the counter.
“Baby, I know I fucked up and I'm really sorry about it.” I sighed, and got up. I walked over to the other side of the counter and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. “I'm really fucking sorry, Jack. I was wasted and I lied about it.”
“I'm sorry for yelling.” he hugged me back. I don't know how much I trusted him yet. I was stupid and it was a little ironic, that I was mad at him yet, I was hugging him too. I fucked up too, I guess that's why. He pulled back and pecked my lips. I didn't kiss him back, I felt bad for everything. Maybe we made up too quickly, or maybe this whole thing was stupid. I’ve never been in a relationship for this long before, it scared me and I just wanted to keep the pieces together because I like him.
“I got to go to work.” Devon said, when he pulled out of the hug. “I’ll be home later around three or four, maybe.” I nodded, and he gathered his stuff. He left a few minutes later. I cleaned up our coffee mess and sat back on the couch. I figured I should do something productive today. I gathered up some clothes and towels that needed washed and threw them in a basket. I didn't bother sorting anything out.
I got in our room sorting through some more clothes and putting some other clothes away. I opened our bottom drawer putting some socks away. I noticed a few pictures at the bottom, I took them out, going to put them away, but I saw what's on the pictures. I sat the basket on the ground and sat back on my knees. The top picture was Devon sitting with a girl. She had long brown hair and was really pretty. I flipped the picture feeling my heart drop.Devon and the girl again, only this time kissing. I was really hoping it was an old picture from a past girlfriend, but he was wearing a shirt I got him for his birthday last year. All of the photos escalated from there. I don't know what felt worse, the fact he’s been cheating on me or that I found his pictures after he lied about it being a one night thing.
There was a knock at the door, and I quickly put the pictures under the clothes in the basket. I walked downstairs and opened the door, setting the basket on the counter. I opened it to Alex standing there. Wow, that kid has some really weird timing. “Hey.” he said, and smiled.
“Hey, Alex.” I replied. “Come on in.” I left the door and took the basket to the laundry room. I came back to Alex sitting on the couch. “What are you doing here?” I asked, sitting next to him.
“I dunno.” I shrugged. “I was bored, Kenadie left again and my parents are at work. he told me.
“Don't you have have friends your age?” I asked, I hoped that didn't sound too rude, because he really was a cool kid to be around.
“Not really. Zack was really my only friend here. Plus, everyone is out of town all summer.” he sighed. I nodded understanding that feeling. “Are you okay?” he asked, making me look up at him. “You look a little shaken up.”
“Um.. yeah. Its nothing. Just stupid relationship stuff.” his face dropped to the floor when I said ‘relationship’.
“Did he find out I kissed you? I'm so freaking sorry, Jack. I-”
“Alex, stop. Its okay.” I told him. “Look,” I had no idea where to start. “Yeah, he knows about the kiss, but he’s not mad.” he gave me a confused look, but I stopped talking.
“Okay, so what's going on? He’s not mad? I figured he would be pissed.” He said, sliding closer to me.
“Okay… Um… He came home drunk last night with hickeys on his neck. It turned out he’s been cheating on me.” I told him. Its was really easy to talk to him. “He’s been cheating on me for a long time.” it really hurt to say that out loud. I had a lot of guilt in my from that stupid kiss with Alex, but every time I thought of Devon and that girl, I wanted to cry.
“I'm so sorry…” Alex said, putting his hand on my shoulder. “You’re a great guy. Devon doesn't deserve you.” he said. I smiled at him and my stupid inner teenager wanted to pin him down and make out with him again. I told Alex he could stay for a while if he wanted, but I kept a little bit of a distance. I made some lunch and we watched TV for most of the time. Around four pm, Devon came in and stopped in the living room looking at Alex. “I… I should go.” Alex said, putting his dish in the sink and leaving.
“Making out with the kid again? you know that's illegal right?” Devon said, and walked in the kitchen. My jaw dropped a little are the rude comment.
“No. He was just over because he was bored. Nothing happened, I swear it.” I told him, bringing my dish into the kitchen as well. He scuffed past me. “At least I didn't fuck someone and and lie about it to my own fucking boyfriend.” he turned to me giving me a dirty look.
“I told you that I slept with her. It was an accident. I told me you forgave me.” I rolled my eyes leaving the kitchen. I went and got the pictures from the basket and threw them on the table in front of Devon. He looked through them and looked at me.
“Jack,” he sighed, and walked to me. I backed up not even wanting to look at him, I didn't think I could without bursting into tears. “This was a long time ago.” this time I looked up at him. I could feel the pricks of tears in my eyes. Now, I don't feel bad for kissing Alex at all.
“That’s the shirt I bought you last year.” I bit my lip to try and stop myself from spilling over the edge. “How long have you been sleeping with her?” he sighed.
“About a year.” he finally said, setting the pictures down. Everything was way more calm than I thought it would be. I always read books and movies where the couple freaked out and blew up at each other, we were quiet. I guess I was afraid of speaking up, or I just didn't know exactly what to say.
“Why?” I finally got up the courage to ask him. He just shrugged. “Do I really treat you that bad? Am I just a terrible boyfriend? What did I do?” he came closer cupping my face.
“Jack, you didn't do anything. You're the best boyfriend I’ve ever had.” I back up again. Any farther and I’ll be in the wall.
“Then why? If I’m such a good boyfriend, why did you cheat for so long? Why didn't you just leave or say something?” I asked him. I was feeling so terrible about this whole thing, I don't know why, I wasn't the one fucking some chick.
“I don't know. I really don't.” I wasn't impressed, and he could tell. “Look, Jack, I guess I just missed being with a girl. I love you, I really do. You’re the first person I ever loved.” he gave me that look that I fell for two years ago. The big eyes, soft voice, sweet touches… Everything I liked.
“I guess I should have seen it coming.” I sighed. “You did nothing, but work. We don't have sex anymore… The other night was only because my birthday. You moved us all the way here and I knew it wasn't for your job. I didn't know why we moved, but I wanted to make you happy.” he nodded.
“I never met to hurt you. I just… I didn't know how to end us. I figured it was so much easier to hide it and pretend, than to tell you the truth.” I can honestly say, It felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest and being stomped. It made it even worse know he didn't feel anything. He was perfectly fine, but here was me about to break down in tears. “I'm not your bottom anymore.” he whispered to me, and I lost it. It was a stupid inside joke between us about being top and bottom, but that was over now.
I turned away from him and walked to our room sitting on the edge of the bed. I buried my face in my hands and cried, finally letting out my emotions. I went from totally pissed off at him to being completely broke. So many things happened in one day… I don't know how much my body could take. Devon came in and walked passed me. There was a lot of shuffling on the bed and packing clothes. I guess its better to just get this over with now, before I do something stupid like marry him. It was like this for about an hour before Devon was knelt down in front of me.
“I still love you, ya’know.” he said cupping my face. “I always will, Jacky.” I looked at him through my lashes feeling like shit. I don't know why I felt so sad and guilty. He was okay and I was like some heartbroken teenager. He pulled my face closer and gave me our last kiss making it soft and sweet. He pulled back and stood up. I knew where he was going, and I absolutely hated it.
Sorry that it is still a little on Jack and Devon. I promise that Jalex will be here soon. Please let me know what you think! I miss the comments/messages!