I almost laughed at how much of a fuck up I am...
Was there anything to live for now??
I have no idea...but right now I feel like disappearing off the face of the earth.
That was my pathetic way of coping right now,but all I could do was freak out.
I was stood in the bathroom,an empty bottle of pills in one hand,all the pills in the other.
Looking up into the mirror I saw a broken boy....beyond broken.
His heart had been trampled on,shredded,stabbed and much much more...but some how he still remained to stay strong.
Maybe not mentally,but physically.
I was weak...but weak in my mind,my body was still relatively healthy apart from the tar on my lungs and the lack of sleep.
I wasn't breaking into pieces like my heart,I was still standing.
Which meant something right?
Nope,Soon or later I will crack and there really will be no way out.
I took a deep breath again and looked down at the pills.
Who would of thought I'd be doing something like this? this is something you see in a movie.
I looked back up into the mirror.
There was nothing I liked...this boy looked so drained...so,sad.
I felt a shiver run through my body and I instantly clutched my jacket sleeves.
This bathroom did get draughty sometimes.
I slowly closed my eyes and lifted my hand up to my mouth.
Tipping my head back I already began to shut off everything around me.
Hearing some muffled sounds in my right ear I decided to ignore them.
Whatever it was would not stop me from doing this.
I opened my hand and one by one the pills rolled down my palm and into my mouth.
But before I could try to swallow them,something pushed me hard into the wall.
Hitting my head in the process made me splutter causing the pills to fall out.
I slowly stabled myself and looked up,seeing her there made things so much worse.
I began to cry,knowing she'd seen me at my lowest point and witnessed me trying to end my life.
''Why.'' She whispered.
I shook my head. ''Don't.'' I whimpered,trying desperately to shrink as small as possible and become unnoticed.
''Justin.'' She spoke again firmly,looking down at the pills and then at my weak body.
''Mom,please don't.'' I cried,trying to scramble to my feet and run.
''Justin Drew you better answer me.'' She croaked,a single tear rolling down her face.
''I-I can't take it.''
''You listen to me,and you listen good.'' She stated,throwing the empty bottle of pills across the floor. ''I did not bring you into this earth for you only to leave years later...you are young and I know your having a hard time at the moment with everything,but you have to realise people on this earth have way worse problems right now,there are kids in this world where every night dread the fact that one day someone may come back and tell them there father is dead but died serving for his country. You have done alot for this family and don't you dare think for one second that you have no one. You have me,you have Tori-''
''No I don't mom! don't you get it?'' I whimpered,ripping at my hairline from utter stress.
''Yes you do Justin,Tori is there for you weather you think so or not...she came back to you after everything that happened...You cheating on her didn't stop her from coming back Justin..she may have gotten with that Austin boy but I know for a fact she never stopped loving you''
I took a deep breath,knowing deep down in side I needed to tell my mom the truth. ''I-I didn't cheat.'' I whispered.
''Justin it was a mistake,I realise that.-''
''No mom! I didn't cheat! I didn't fucking cheat!'' I cried,tears splashing violently down my cheeks.
My mom grew silent and the room soon filled with horrible awkward tension.
I knew she didn't like me swearing but she knew now wasn't the time to scold me for it.
''I was set up...my drink got spiked and it happened to be Emily who took me home when I was vunerable and influenced by alcohol...the whole thing was recorded and presented to Tori as I walked into the room.'' I spluttered,knowing the thought of explaining this would kill my mom and also me.
''I-I didn't cheat mom! you have to believe me.'' I cried,shaking my head violently as I looked up at her petite body.
She stood there silent for a mere few minutes,trying to process what I had said prior.
''Justin I want you to listen to me...you have to listen to me loud and clear.''
I looked up slowly and nodded my head,finding it hard to even let a small 'ok' pass my dry lips.
''I want you to get up,dry those tears and go and find Tori...no matter how long it takes you need to win her back...I know she's right for you,I just know she is...From day one I knew she stole your heart and till this day I know that no other girl could have such an effect on you. Pour your heart out to her son,you cant do it...I have faith in you.'' She whispered,helping me up before she pulled me into a comforting hug.
I held onto her like my life depended on it.
You may call me a pussy for crying so much but you have no idea how fucked up my feelings are right now...and the result is crying...its became a habit for me,crying has become my only way out...until today.
I knew I had to win back my princess...even if it takes me years upon years...
I will follow this girl to the damn moon and back just to be with her...
I will start on the update as your reading this:*
sorry for the lack of updates its just I was going to update yesterday but I hurt my leg really bad and I can't walk on it so I haven't had any energy to type,but I'm hoping its getting better and I don't have to go to the hospital.
So sorry for that but I know I owe this to you...
I love you all so much,and I've decided I want to interact with you guys a little more if you don't have kik..so I'll be giving out my snapchat so add me up,don't be shy...your all beautiful to me.
your all Justin's angels<3