listen to 'Down to earth - Justin Bieber' for this chapter.
I sighed as I walked in to the all too familiar hospital,the smell of cleanliness circled my sinuses as I walked up to the front desk in A&E.
The woman looked up at me and smiled hesitantly. "Hello ma'am,what can I help you with?" she replied nervously,I brought my wrist carefully up onto the counter and showed her as I bit my lip. "something happened with my wrist and im in so much pain"
she nodded her head sympathetically and began to type on the computer, "and how did this happen?" she asked,glancing up at me.
I bit down on my lip,crossing my fingers on my other arm "I fell" I lied.
"those bruises don't look like the ones you get when you fall,they are in a completely different place." she replied,frowning slightly,
I nodded my head. "I know,and I understand you feel that way,but honestly I'm fine.'' I smiled reassuringly,holding back the lump that formed in my throat.
But I wasn't really,I was broken,broken into so many pieces..
Justin is abusive,I didn't know how I felt about him and his actions,my mind was a blur..this all to familiar feeling running through my veins.
I felt sick,He made me feel sick...Ive given that boy so many chances and he's let me down every time..he may be going through a lot right now but its never okay to even touch a girl like that..its fucking disgusting.
Justin has been through hell and back all his life,the bullying,threats and abuse he received from his brother and school 'friends' was too much for him,that once kind-hearted boy who would never hurt a fly was now in a gang,walking the streets with a gun strapped to his hip,its almost surreal. How could my precious little Justin,the one who was once scared to touch me, hurt me?and this isn't the first time...oh no,Justin's slipped up plenty of times and I've let it slide somehow..its almost as if now our relationship is crumbling beneath our touch,everything Justin did once made me happy and smile,now its always disappointment or hurt..I love him,oh god I love him so much,but I want to bring him back down to earth,where do we go? theres no road to get to his heart anymore,its crumbled,distraught..I just want the old Justin back,The animal loving sweet stuttering Justin who made my heart throb.
I never thought our relationship would get this bad,at times I knew we were going through some tough storms,but now its constantly tsunami's and hurricanes.
I wiped away a tear that slowly slid down my cheek,I hurriedly wiped it away and sat in a chair waiting for the doctor to call my name.
What do I do?
I wanted Justin to suffer the consequences...so fucking bad. But another part of me couldn't let him go,We've been through so fucking much.
But why did he put his hands on you Tori? If he loved you he wouldn't even dream of doing that.
Poor poor Justin,pushing everyone he once loved and cared about out of his life,one by one.
Shut the fuck up.
I couldn't take it anymore.
My chest began to tighten and my eyes began to sting,finding it difficult to breathe I tried to stand up but instantly my legs gave way,I was dizzy and I could see shapes in my eyesight.
''I-I Cant- Breathe!'' I struggled,clutching my chest as It felt impossible to slow down my breathing.
''Someone get that girl some water!'' A middle aged woman shouted out,running over to my side and rubbing my back.
My chest hurt so much,I just wanted my mom here to comfort me.
All of a sudden tears began pouring out of my eyes and I was hysterically crying on the woman's shoulder,shaking profusely.
''Oh sweetie.'' She muttered,rubbing my back as I sobbed continuously on her shoulder. A cup of water was shoved in my face and I took baby sips trying to regain my breath as tears still splashed down from my cheeks.
''I-I just want to fucking d-die.'' I whispered,looking into my cup.
I almost startled myself with my words,did I really want to die?
''Tori.'' Someone whispered behind me,touching my shoulder.
I turned around to see Jacob stood there with his mouth ajar slightly. ''Please tell me you didn't mean that.'' He pleaded,grabbing my hand and pulling me down next to him.
''I'll just leave you two,Hope you feel better sweetie.'' The kind woman replied,setting my cup down in the seat she once vacated.
Neither Jacob or I said a word,it was almost as if all of the words in the world couldn't describe what I was feeling right now. I was beyond broken. I honestly felt like I didn't want to live anymore,I had lost so much over the past year or so..My mother left me..Justin left me..I left myself..my happiness had vanished from my body and all there was left was this empty shell,I had to stay strong for Justin but even now I can't do it..I'm so sick of this.
Jacob wiped my tears away and looked me dead in the eyes. ''Don't think that way.'' he pleaded. ''Don't you dare,Tori that isn't the way out of it...''
I couldn't see the light anymore,where was everyone who I needed the most? all gone..they had all left me...Justin would leave me soon enough,and I would be all alone.
Did I have the strength to leave Justin,Did he have the strength to carry on without me? Everything was one big mess now,We were slowly getting better,there were a few slip ups..but nothing major,I don't thing Justin is good for me anymore. I love him but Its very rare that he makes me happy...I never thought I would ever say that,Its almost heart breaking.
I just wanted a healthy relationship,someone who wouldn't make me feel worthless and believe that getting hit or abused is normal. It isn't and it will never ever be acceptable. I guess I just have bad luck in relationships..
''Have you made a decision on what you wanna do?'' Jacob whispered,wiping the tears that fell from my cheeks once again.
''I think so..'' I nodded hesitantly,I took a deep breath and sat up,looking Jacob dead in the eyes.
''What is it Tori?''
''Im moving back to Atlana.''
so that's final..Tori's had enough..what will Justin think of this? or will she leave before he even finds out?
Im sorry this update has taken so long I had exams and it was my last couple of months at secondary school,some of this was sitting in my drafts but i had writers block for ages trying to figure out what to put next..I have now officially left school for good and off to college in september,I've just had my prom and it all seems so surreal..i started writing these books in year 9..and now I've finished year 11..thats scary.
to the people who have stuck with this flop of a book for that long,i love you so fucking much.
BIG NEWS: IM SEEING JUSTIN DREW BIEBER FOR THE FIRST FUCKING TIME IN AUGUST AT THE FUSION FESTIVAL LIKE IM SO SO EXITED THINKING ABOUT IT