(This whole chapter will be in Justin's point of view hopefully..to give you a change and for a specific reason..)
It's my last day off and I'm home alone so I thought I'd update and do something useful rather than sleep.
I am currently writing this at 10:37am...that's way to early for me.
She's so beautiful.
The way her silky hair swirls up into the perfect messy bun.
She was only wearing a coat of mascara but she didn't even need that...she had flawless skin.
Her eyes bright enough to illuminate a room from it's darkness.
Her soft sweet voice almost like an angels whisper.
I don't care what you say,I love her,with all my heart.
You could ask me what I like most about her,but that's literally impossible for me to reply,I love every single part of her.
And I guess you wouldn't believe me...but If I had the choice to be with Beyonce or Tori..without even thinking about it I would Choose Tori.
and I meant it when I said I hadn't looked at any girl in that way since the breakup.
No one could replace Tori...my heart belongs to her.
I hadn't even noticed I was staring at her..and she didn't either,until now.
I quickly looked away. ''I uh...I'm going to get a drink.'' I murmured,trying to think of an excuse to get out the room.
She frowned at me as I walked past her.
Talk about awkward...
I walked over to the fridge and pulled it open,taking out a can of Pepsi,one for me and Tori.
I grabbed a bag of chips and walked back into the living area only to realise Tori wasn't anywhere in sight.
''Tori?'' I called,walking around the bottom half of the cabin.
Suddenly she came waddling out from nowhere and stood in front of me.
''Do you have a sweatshirt? It's so cold in here.'' She murmured,rubbing her upper arms.
I had only realised she was in a tank top and small booty shorts.
I licked my lips and nodded my head. ''There in a box at the back of the wardrobe.'' I replied.
She nodded and ran upstairs.
I walked up slowly after her,I wanted her to see the reaction to the room.
She was sleeping in a spare room last night because I didn't want to take things too fast.
The room was much darker now,giving off a cosy and relaxing aura.
''Where's the old Justin gone?'' I heard her sigh before hangers scraping against the metal bar were heard.
That made me kinda upset...I knew she had seen the change of style..and I have even got a hair cut. Now all that hung in my closet were dark clothes and white tank tops,where as before I used to wear bright red,greens,blues..any colour you could think of..I would wear it.
I guess my clothes fit my mood at the moment though. Before I was happy,so bright colours would always be in my closet.
Now I'm short tempered,depressed so the dark clothes show it.
Who would of thought a break up would do this to me?
''I prefer the old him..'' I heard her whisper.
And that did it for me.
She didn't like the new me,that had become a routine..it had become me..and she didn't like it.
That's like your idol or someone you adore laughing at you and saying you look stupid...basically a massive slap to the face.
A few seconds later I decided to walk into the room so I wouldn't hear any more of her cruel statements.
But I immediately stopped when she reached for my cologne and put the sweatshirt flat on the bed,her back facing to me.
I watched with a small smile on my face as she sprayed the cologne all over the jumper.
''Does it smell that bad?'' I spoke up,leaning against the door with a smirk on my face.
She immediately threw the cologne onto the bed and turned around. ''Uh..um,no It's just,i-it was in the box so it lost your scent...I-I um...'' She stuttered,looking at anywhere but me.
''You like my cologne huh?'' I whispered.
''You've had the same one since I walked past you the first day in grade 10...ever since it's become one of my favourite smells..but I didn't know what the bottle looked like.''
''You remembered that?'' I whispered.
I was completely stunned,my mom had given me a cologne for my birthday that year and I decided to wear it..ever since I just brought top ups...did she really recognise the smell since then?
She nodded timidly,twisting her palms together.
I watched as she pulled the sweatshirt over her head,loosening her bun even more.
I forgot how small it was,it completely swallowed her.
She really was small.
She pulled it down over her booty shorts and hit her hands in the sleeves,looking down at her feet.
Awh she was embarrassed.
She pulled the sleeves up to her face and closed her eyes. ''I miss smelling this.'' She stated.
I grinned,stepping forward with my arms out. ''Well then come here and miss it some more.'' I chuckled,walking over to her and pulling her into a hug.
She clutched her arms around my waist as I had mine around her neck,I let out a much needed breath and kissed her forehead.
''You will never know the full extent in which I'd go to for you to be my girl again.'' I whispered,pulling her tighter towards me.
I shut my eyes,knowing if I opened them something would ruin the moment.
''Justin.'' She sighed,pulling away.
I shook my head,fusing my eyes tighter together. ''No..don't say anything please,I know you don't want that...but please don't tell me it,don't confirm it..I still have hope for us.''
She shook her head as tears sprung to her eyes. ''I-I can't.'' And before anything else was said,she walked out the room,leaving me and my thoughts killing me from the inside.
She doesn't love you...
You know what's funny? how you love her so much and that she can't return the feeling anymore.
Give up on her...she's just a girl right?
Wrong..she isn't 'Just a girl'.
She is The only person there for me when no one else was...she was my only friend.
She is different...I know she is.
I know I can't give up on her...she understands me,she knows me better than anyone else.
After Tori secretly rejecting me I had gone out the back for a smoke,breathing in the fresh air.
I had lit the end of the cigarette,shielding the flame away from the air.
Once it was lit I chucked the lighter back into my pocket and pulled the cig up to my mouth before inhaling a long breath.
I have to say this,it's a bit hypocritical.
I hate people who smoke...I don't even know who got me into this disgusting habit..but I now crave them.
I can't go an hour without withdrawal symptoms.
The feeling is just too divine,and I only know of one other thing that I also crave.
Tori...as much as I don't want to...I do,and there's no way to stop it..you cant just fall out of love.
And if I'm honest I wouldn't want to even if I tried.
I love the feeling I get when I'm around her,or she laughs or looks at me.
Not even a cigarette could give me that amazing feeling.
Therefore,if I ever get back with Tori...I will quit smoking,as I know she hates smokers.
Her father was a heavy smoker and smoked a whole box a day..she always used to tell me how his lungs must be covered in tar.
And she was angry about it...I knew she wouldn't want me to follow in his footsteps,so I would promise her to stop.
But if there's not even a slight chance she'll take me back,then I won't give up..that's my only other get away and if I can't have one,I want the other..either way I need my addictions..Tori or cigarettes.
After all that thinking my smoke had decreased in size tremendously,and I was tempted to light another as I wasted more than half of the other one.
But I stopped myself,Every cigarette shortens your life by about 5 minutes or some bullshit.
So that means less time with Tori.
Yeah I gotta stop no matter what.
I sighed as I walked back in the house.
I had spent an extra 15 minutes outside thinking about this past year..so much had happened and it was almost something you would see in a tv show.
Tori was laying across one whole couch,making it impossible for me to sit near her.
So much like earlier..I sat opposite her,facing sideways on from the TV.
She was watching the second season of American Horror Story now.
And I had come to the conclusion that she had a slight obsession over Tate,as every time the camera would pan onto him,she would squeal and ball her hands into fists (A/N story of my life lol)
I was almost jealous..he was good looking I'd give you that.But he was also a bad guy...so why was she attracted to him when I am basically the same.
He smokes..and I even heard her mutter. ''Fuck he's such a sexy smoker.''
How does that make sense? do I look like a meerkat with a fucking food tube sticking out my mouth then or something?
What even is a sexy smoker? that's like saying 'damn gurl your such a sexy eater' It doesn't make sense...people eat relatively the same,and same with smoking.
''How is he a sexy smoker?'' I asked after a while,in the transition of a new episode waiting to roll in.
She looked over at me and frowned slightly,a small smile on her lips. ''Because he's Kit...he's gorgeous.'' She giggled.
Who the fuck's Kit? I thought it was Tate!
''Kit is Tate...same person just different character name in the second season..''
''But that's besides the point..how can someone be a sexy smoker?''
''I don't know..ask him.'' She laughed,pointing to Tate or Kit or whatever that losers name is.
''He's not even that good looking.'' I stated,looking in the other direction as her continuous glare started to irritate me.
She laughed then,studying my face closely.
I nearly cracked when she did this but I managed to keep my composure and stare right back.
''You're jealous.'' She stated,sitting back in the chair and crossing her arms with a knowing smirk on her face.
I laughed bitterly. ''No I'm not''
''Are too...just because I'm in love with him.''
I instantly felt anger towards this dude.
He may be a celebrity but no one else should catch her attention like that.
''You can't love a celebrity.'' I laughed. ''Don't be silly.''
''Oh so you can't love Beyonce then.'' She smirked.
I turned to her. ''That doesn't count...Beyonce is queen..of course I love her.''
''Then don't get all up tight when I say I love Tate ok? you big hypocrite.'' She giggled,picking up a pillow and throwing it at my face.
My jaw instantly dropped.''Oh no you didn't.''
And I catapolted the pillow back to her,hitting her in the face.
''Ow oh my god!'' She giggled,ready to throw it again.
But suddenly my phone began to ring.
I held a finger up to Tori,telling her this will continue,and she nodded,putting the pillow down,paying attention to Tate who was conveniently on the Tv at this moment.
At least she'll be so caught up in the Tv that she won't hear my phone call if it so happens to be someone from the gang.
I didn't bother looking at who called...there's no point,I would find out eventually.
''Yello?'' I asked,running my hand through my messy bed hair.
''Justin.'' Pattie answered,she seemed extremely upset,her voice was shaky.
''Mom? what's wrong?'' I asked.
''Jazzy.'' She whispered,pausing before she shot another shaky reply. ''Is hurt.''
''What happend? did she fall at ballet or something?''
''No Justin,'' Pattie cried. ''Much worse...she's In hospital along with her friend...there was a car accident.'' She continued,sobbing into the phone as someone whispered reassuring words in her ear.
I suddenly couldn't breath,the phone had fallen out of my hand and fell to the floor,causing Tori to look over in annoyance.
But when she realised I didn't pick the phone up she furrowed her eye brows. ''What's up?''
I couldn't breathe...was she in there because of me?
''Justin? what's wrong?'' She replied,pausing the Tv and sitting up in the chair.
''J-Jazzy.'' I whispered.
''What about her.''
It was a real struggle to breathe,my mind taunting me with cruel words which I hoped weren't true.
You did this to her...
If you took her this wouldn't have happened...
You killed your baby sister...
You did this to her...
You did this to her...
''C-Car crash.'' I spluttered,tears pouring down my cheeks rapidly.
I felt heartbroken...my princess was in hospital because of me.
I could of killed her...
What condition was she in?
''Oh my god.'' Tori breathed,standing up and running over to me,she grabbed the keys to the car and pulled me with her.
I couldn't even function.
''Justin everything will be ok! alright? I'm taking you to the hospital!'' She yelled,completely frantic as she piled into the car.
I effortlessly opened the door and slid in.
I felt numb..I couldn't feel anything.
Why would I?
I had the thought in the back of my mind that I killed my baby sister...
Suddenly I felt bile rise up my throat and I instanlty opened the car door,throwing up the contents of my stomach.
This day has just took a turn for the worst...and there was nothing I could do about it.
Woah plot twist:/
I felt so bad doing this...I didn't want any of the Bieber's to be hurt but there's a reason for this..it's not just random.
so Jazzy's been in a car accident...
anyone want a Jazzy POV: in the next chapter? maybe to show you the full detail of what happened?
I'm sorry if you want to scream at me....update may be later this week...tomorrow if your extremely lucky:*
Love you all<3