Between A Rockstar and A Hard Place

When bassist Ashley Purdy decides that he wants more out of his relationship with band mate, Andy Biersack, by coming out of the closest together, the singer is reluctant to change their lives and careers so drastically. Ashley is ready to risk it all for his boyfriend, but Andy still has his doubts.


1. Rebel Love Song

I sighed, running my thumb up and down my boyfriend's thigh. I absolutely loved the feeling of the warmth of his skin beneath the dark skinny jeans. Ashley was my guilty pleasure. My head rested on his shoulder and his head against mine. One of his chiseled cheek bones was nestled in my hair and I could feel his slow breaths. We'd done six interviews in the course of the day and we were exhausted. All I wanted to do was sleep... but we had to perform. Warped Tour always wiped me out.

"I love you." Ashley's voice broke the silence suddenly.

I saw Jinxx, who had been nearing us in the back of the bus, turn around and walk the other way.

"What?" I swallowed hard.

"I love you," He said decidedly. "Andrew Dennis Biersack, I love you."

"I..." I started. "I love you too. His hold on my hand tightened and my heart fluttered a little. So it was out there. Our little fuck-buddy relationship wasn't just a little fuck-buddy relationship anymore.

It was awkward and silent for a few seconds but we laughed and kissed. His lips were warm and soft on mine. I could feel his smile against my mouth. Soon, kissing turned into full on making out and Ashley shut the door before pushing me down onto the bed. When my shoulders hit the soft, cushiony, black comforter, his lips crashed down onto mine. He was perfectly perched over me, like he always was. I had never realized how much I liked bottoming before Ashley had showed me. He dominated me easily every time. I had no idea how he got to know the ins and outs to me so fast. He had a gift. It was strange to be on the other side of things for once.

"Guys," the door slid open with a loud shudder. It was Jake. "Can you not? We have a show in an hour, come on."

Ashley murmured in protest but we got up and stepped off the bus, following Jake into the backstage area of Stage 3, where we would be playing our seventh show of this years Warped Tour.

A plucky girl with a fiery pixie cut in several shades of orange and yellow approached us and asked if we needed help with our paint. She had countless piercings- in her nose, lip, tongue, eyebrow... everywhere- and I noticed Jake noticing her tight fitting tank top.

I shook my head, as did Ashley, and I shot him a look. He shrugged innocently. Whatever. Ella wasn't here and, if I knew Jake, nothing was really going to happen. He just wanted to look at her.

"Come on," Ashley took my hand and started leading me toward the dressing room where our paint and clothes were. I pulled my hand out of his.

"Ash, there's people here," I muttered. He looked annoyed but walked ahead of me like nothing happened. Once we were in the dressing room, we were alone. Jake was getting his makeup done and Jinxx and CC had gotten ready early so they could go out and surprise fans. We stood in front of the mirror and disrobed. I lazily folded my tank top and jeans and set them down on my chair with my shoes. Ashley stripped down to literally nothing and tossed his clothes aside. I laughed a little.

"Those jeans are tight, Andy," he excused, wiggling into a pair of leather ones and tucking his stuff inside carefully. "You of all people would know that."

I nodded, hopping into my own. I shrugged on my vest and caught Ashley staring at me.

"What?" I laughed.

"You're just hot," he shrugged. "I like seeing you with your clothes off. Can you help me with my paint?"

"Sure," I laughed a bit more, picking up a black pencil. He came closer, tilting his head back, and I pressed the tip to the soft bit of his chin perfectly between the two sides of his jaw. I felt him swallow before I dragged the pencil down his neck right to the dip between his collarbones. "Perfect," I said, only partially about the makeup. I added perpendicular stitches down the entire line, then picked up a container of black paint. After swiping my finger across it, I pressed it to his chest, creating six solid black lines mimicking his ribs, then one down the middle. Without a word, he took my hand in his and held it there so I could feel his heartbeat. Steady and strong. Ashley's always been like that.

"Andy, I meant it," he said softly. "I really do love you."

"I-I love you too." I said again. Why was he bringing this up? He looked at me like there was something he really needed to say, but then he turned around suddenly and faced the mirror, picking up black pencil.

"Gotta finish. We only have like 45 minutes."

I nodded slowly, turning to see my own confused face in the mirror.


"On in ten," Jake came back into the dressing room to find Ashley and me kissing again. He cringed and turned away. We disconnected "God guys... You're gonna fuck up your paint..."

"Oh fuck," I turned around to look in the mirror. There was a pink tint around my red lipstick, and red smears in Ashley's pink. I wiped it off and reapplied. As did Ashley.

"Anyway," Jake said, coming in and sitting down. He pulled out his phone and started texting. CC and Jinxx came in soon enough, to touch up their paint.

"Damn, those girls are crazy," CC said, tightening his bandana.

"Do you know how many boobs I signed?" Jinxx laughed evilly. Ashley joined in.

"Nice, man!" He reached for a high five. I rolled my eyes as their hands clapped together. "Oh, sorry, Andy..."

I crossed my arms. "Whatever."

"God, Andy," CC nudged me with his elbow, sitting on the other side of me. "Don't be such a jealous housewife."

I looked at him, unamused. None of the guys took Ashley and me seriously as a couple. 

"You're just jealous that he gets my dick and you don't," Ashley retorted, earning a loud smack on the shoulder from Jake. "Ow!" he laughed. "It's true!"

"Hey, guys, you're on in two minutes," A guy with a headset and a black t shirt that read 'Warped Tour Staff' above a huge number 3 on the back, peered into the dressing room. 

We all got up slowly and followed him out to the stage. We waited on the side of the stage until we were given the cue from the other side. CC pocketed his drumsticks and Ashley, Jinxx and Jake picked up their instruments. The crowd chanted our name. It was getting dark out, we were one of the last bands on. Just before I got 'the cue' from opposite where we were standing, Ashley turned to me.

"Andy, I think we need to come out to the fans." He said. 

Bam. Time to perform.

My heart stopped. I picked up the mic and began to speak, the guys positioned themselves onstage, everybody went silent.

"This record is for the outcasts," I said as steadily as possible. "following our story of love, life, and never giving in. We are the Black Veil Brides."





"Thank you, Pennsylvania!!" I screamed, wiping sweat from my forehead. I still hadn't managed to get what Ashley said off my mind. 

"You guys are the best!" Ash slung his arm around my shoulder. I stiffened a little. He patted my chest firmly, keeping his eyes on the crowd.


"God dammit Ashley!" I threw the dressing room door open. "You want to come out?!"

"Yeah," he said simply. "Why not?"

"Why not?!" I yelled. "Because we can't!"

"Why?" he slipped his T shirt over his head and put on his jeans. "I love you. You say you love me. So why can't we tell the fans? It's not like they're gonna think any different of us. We have the coolest fans ever."

"I do love you, Ashley. But we already get made fun of enough. Do you want them to be right when they call us fags?"

"Since when do you care?" He clasped his hands on my shoulders and looked into my eyes. "You're the strongest person I've ever met and you've never cared before, so why does this make it any different?" 

"Cause," I rubbed my eyes. Sweat and eyeliner stung in my corneas. "Cause... I guess it hurts more than I let on."

"Andy..." I looked at him. I could see his adams apple bob when he swallowed. "If you can't bring yourself to do this, for me... If you won't let me kiss you in public... I don't think we can be together."

"What are you saying?" I swallowed against tears. 

"I'm saying... If you're not ready to come out with me... then we have to break up."

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