5. C'mon Let's do Somethin'
These past few months have been probably been a living hell. Probably the worst in my life. I don't know what to do anymore. Some days I feel so numb I gotta self-harm. It's basically one thing after another. I found my ex-girlfriend, Sofia, with her pants down with another man...a couple times. Apparently she was just after my money because I was robbed, also must had friends in high places, because somehow the press came out with these stories only she knew, as well as stories that were nothing but lies. For example one story said that she reported that I had abused and raped her. I never did that, I never wanted to hurt her in anyway. Though somehow people believed her. The lads and my family have stood behind me and the fans have been amazin' but it still gets to me a lot and it continues to get worse. It's like now the only hope I have is the need of a guardian angel. Believe me I want nothing more to be the happy old me again. The cutting, depression, the secrets isn't me. I'm in a hole and I don't know how to get out of it. I was cut from my thoughts with someone knocking on my door. I mentally groaned, I didn't really want to see anyone. I went to the door and looked through the window, it was the lads. I looked up and sighed heavily before I opened the door. "Oi oi!" Louis yelled, causing me to flinch just little so the boys wouldn't notice. "Hey guys, c'mon in." I said. They each gave me a hug. "How ya doin man?" Zayn asked in my ear. I just nodded my head and smiled as best I could, signaling that I was fine even though I was far from it. Zayn just gave me a small smile and a nod. "What brings you guys here?" I ask, moving from the subject. "We're goin out tonight to have some fun, why don't you come along with us." Louis offered. "I don't know man... I gotta start packin for our tour comin up." I lied as best I could. They didn't take it. "Liam, our tour isn't for several weeks. I think it'd be good for you to get out and have some fun." Louis said again. God how much I missed having fun and mucking about with the lads. I rally do wanna go, I'm just scared of the paperazzii and what news story would be the papers and on tv. "I don't know guys, I think..." I started to say but was cut off by Niall " You wanna know what think? I think you really wanna go but afraid of what would happen." Ugh why does have to be right? I sat there for a minute debating on what to do. "You may even meet someone." Harry said with the boys nodding in agreement. They wee right, I really do wanna go and have fun. I want to move on from this should be the first step. Who knows maybe I will meet someone I like. "Ok, give me 10 minutes." I said. As I stood up there was a chorus of cheers and jumping, Louis being the loudest. I ran upstairs to get dressed and to freshin up. I put on a white long sleeved shirt, some jeans and my Jordan's and put my jacket on. I ran back down stairs where the boys were waiting. "Ready to go?" Harry asked me while standing up. "As I'll ever be." I said with a sigh. We made our way to Harry's Rang Rover. It was a squeeze but we fit some. "Alright lads, where we goin?" I asked looking at them. They just smirked and shook their heads "Youll see." Niall said simply. I huffed, they better not take me to a crazy club or somthin like that. I start to think and I start to get nervous. What if they are taking me to a club or bar. People will know who I am and will start to get up in my face. Oh God, the paps, they're gonna be nasty. Man would you just listen to myself?! I sound like a coward! Like I'm helpless! Then I started remembering my childhood, being bullied and hated but that was in the school yards now it's on a global scale. I was getting more nervous now and I started bouncing my leg nervously. Zayn was sitting in the middle and was sitting right next to me. He took notice to my nervousness and leaned over and whispered in my ear "Hey mate, calm down you'll be alright. I got your back." I looked at him and cracked a smile and turned back to the window. God I sure could use a sign or guardian angel right about now.
Hey guys! I'm so sorry for bit updating sooner I've been very busy and things haven't been ok at home😔 actually two weeks ago I tried to commit suicide. I don't really want to get into the details. I'm ok now I'm going to therapy and I have friends and family behind me for support and I have you guys. I'm happy today. I thought what better day to update my stories since it's my birthday. I wanna thank you all for all that you do for me