I sat in my apartment all day. I couldn't figure out what happened. Why she cried the way she did. I felt so terrible and I've been crying almost all day long.
I've texted Renée a 100 times and I haven't gotten anything. I tried to calm down to try to call her. If she isn't answering my texts, I know she won't ignore my calls. I touched her contact picture and it started calling. I was hoping she would answer.
It rang 2 times before I heard, "Hey, it's Renée. I'm busy at the moment, but leave a message and I'll call you back as soon as I can." It beeped and I sighed. "Renée, it's me. Hazzy." I rubbed my eyes to keep from crying. "You're not answering my texts and I know you're getting them. If you would answer me, you'd know how truly sorry I am. You're probably with my brother."
Saying those words hurt. Worse than I thought.
"If you could call me back...I really need to talk to you." Tears hit my eyes and I pulled the phone away quickly and hung up.
Harry and I were watching Netflix all day. At the moment, it was American Horror Story. I got scared easily, always have.
I kept turning my head. "Harry, I can't watch this show." I said into his shoulder. I could feel the smile on his face. "Shh...babe, it's getting good." "I don't like the skull face." I mumbled. "How in the hell can Tate be your favorite, yet scares you the most?" I shrugged and giggled. "He's my favorite because he's cute."
I heard Harry pause the show. "He cuter than me?" I looked up and smiled. "Of course not." Harry smiled as he leaned in and kissed me.
I kissed him back until my phone started vibrating. Someone was calling me. I reached for it in my back pocket and Harry grabbed my hand. "Don't." He said in the kiss. I pulled back, "It's probably my mom, Harry." "So." he leaned in again and continued to kiss me, but I had to pull back. By this time my phone stopped vibrating. "She'll call back if I don't return her call." I said taking it out of my pocket. I didn't check my lock screen because I knew I had text messages from Hazzy.
I was ignoring her. It hurt to ignore her, but I can't be around her right now. I was afraid of my emotions and what might happen or be said if I was. What happened between us was so wrong, but it felt so right to me.
A voicemail came through to my phone. "That's probably my mom." I said getting up and moving to the kitchen. I walked in sliding the bar to find Hazzy called me. "Oh no." I called my voicemail and it was her.
"Renée, it's me. Hazzy." Her voice was so beautiful to me. Just like she was, so beautiful.
"You're not answering my texts and I know you're getting them. If you would answer me, you'd know how truly sorry I am. You're probably with my brother." I felt tears sting my eyes. I rubbed them as tears came down.
"If you could call me back...I really need to talk to you." She sounded so hurt, I could tell she tried to keep it together.
I hung up the phone and wiped my eyes. I didn't want harry to see I've been crying. I walked into the living room and sat down. "How would you feel meeting my mum and dad?" Harry asked and I looked up at him. "Already?" "Well, I like you Renée." Jeez, this family falls easily, but like I had the room to talk.
I smiled at him. "I like you, too." Harry smiled at my lie I just told. "So what do you say?" "Is your sister going to be there?" I asked and Harry shrugged. "She shouldn't be. She has her own place." I smiled "Alright then."
I went shopping with my mum at the store. She had to get some stuff for dinner. I helped her carry in the stuff and sat it on the counter to be put up. I walked to the bar and sat down and I played with my rings on my fingers.
"Hazzy, you staying for dinner dear?" my mom asked and I nodded. "Sure." I answered. I looked up at her and then back down. "Hey mum, how did you know you loved dad?" my mum turned around. My mum did know about me being lesbian. She supported me.
"Are you in love, baby?" I smiled and played with my fingers. A smile appeared on my face. "Yeah, I think I am." my mum smiled and ran towards me with open arms. "Oh, I'm so happy for you, honey." she threw her arms around me. She wanted me to have a girlfriend so bad.
"But I'm not so sure she feels the same." I said holding back tears. "She's not...into girls." my mum whined as she pulled back. "Oh...what's she look like? I imagine you falling for someone beautiful." I nodded and smiled. "She is. Very beautiful. She's got dark brown hair. The most beautiful eyes of green and blue. Pink full lips." I smiled bigger as I thought of her beauty. Everything about her was beautiful.
"Her innocence reminds me that there is still good in this world." my mum rubbed my shoulder. "It sounds like you're in love for sure." she walked over and took out a pan to start dinner. "Just be careful Hazzy."she spoke and I looked at her.
"I can't imagine being in love with someone who isn't into the same sex."
I knew it, but hearing it come from someone else was worse. I sighed and got up. I felt my tears hitting me once again.
I got dressed in a soft pink sundress. I shaved earlier so my legs were so smooth. I took out my Pink by Victorias Secret lotion and rubbed some on my legs before I left. I put on my white converse and walked downstairs.
Harry's mouth practically dropped when he saw me.
"Ready." he smiled and he grabbed my face and kissed me on the lips passionately. He pulled back and I pressed my lips together and Harry smiled. "You look so good." he said in my ear. His head rested on my shoulder and mine on hid. I bit my lip and thought of Hazzy when she said the same. I tried not to cry. I believed it when she said I was pretty.
I sighed and pulled back with a half smile.
The doorbell rang as I was texting Renée again. I wish she would answer me. I missed her. My step father got up.
"Your brother is back with his girlfriend." I looked up from my phone and felt a knot in my stomach. "Harry brought her over?" Robin nodded and I stood up. I stood in one place, stuck. I didn't know she'd be here.
He opened the door and I felt as if I had to vomit. "Here she is." Harry said stepping in the door. My mum came up giving Renée hugs already. Christ, if she knew she was the girl I told her about.
"I'm so happy to finally meet you sweetie!" my mum said and Renée smiled. "Yes, I am so happy to meet you, too."
It's been like 2 days? Why is mum acting like Harry's been dating her for 8 months? I crossed my arms as Harry introduced Robin.
"This is Robin, my step father." Robin shook Renée's hand. "Hi honey. It's nice to meet you." Renée smiled and looked behind Robin at me. Her smile was gone and her eyes were instantly flooded with tears. She had to keep them in. I could tell she was trying her hardest. Was she afraid of me? I couldn't understand why she cried around me.
I kept my tears in, too as I saw her. The only difference is I was crying because I was seeing the love of my life. I could only wish she saw me the way I saw her.
My stomach was in knots. Harry told me Hazzy wouldn't be here.
"Harry, introduce her to your sister." their mom said and I looked at Harry and then at Anne. "I know her." I spoke "Oh?"
I looked back at Hazzy. "She's my friend." Hazzy stared and her mouth twitched a little. "Just my friend."
We sat down at the table. I sat next to Harry, Anne and Robin at the head if the tables. Hazzy sat across from me. She looked so beautiful in her white tank top, her dark tight shorts, her necklaces hung right on her chest. Such sinful and awful things clouded my mind. I couldn't help but stare at her now. I couldn't let her see, I snapped myself out of it.
"So Renée," Anne spoke up and I looked over. "tell us about yourself honey." I looked down at my plate and thought. My fork picked up some green beans and tossed them around. My mind was fuzzy from Hazzy and I tried blocking her out.
"I'll be graduating in a few weeks. I have a job down at the Berrywinkle. Hopefully I'll have enough by the time I get out to get my own apartment." "Very independent it seems." Anne said with a smile. "Exactly what Harry needs. I don't mean that in a bad way either dear." I smiled and looked back down.
Hazzy was being really quiet. I didn't expect her to. I thought she'd be throwing hints to Harry about what we did. I did the biggest 2 sins in 2 nights. It was so hard living with it, too. My mom would be so ashamed of me.
"So how did you meet my Miss Hazzy?" Anne asked. "A party. I was dragged to it by my friend and Hazzy happened to be there." I smiled at her and looked at Hazzy. She was staring at me and smiling. Was it bad that I wanted to kiss her again? I broke thought again and held Harry's hand.
I looked at him and smiled. "And then I met this handsome guy." Harry chuckled and leaned in and pecked me on the lips as he continued to chew. I was denying my feelings again. They scared me. More than anything. "And I'm glad I met you. you've changed me for the better." I smiled. He was such a sweetie.
I wanted to vomit. I hated seeing them like this. I bowed my head down until I heard her say she needed to use the restroom.
"I'll show you." I smiled and she looked over at me. "Uh..." she looked at Harry and Harry chuckled. "Hazzy will show you babe." I bit my lip and got out of my seat. She walked passed, her tan legs looked so smooth. I wanted Hazzy. I'm such a sinner, but she was absolutely perfect. Her body was so hot and she thought the same about mine.
I snapped out of it. Forgive me lord. Even though I know I was not his favorite right now.
"I can find the bathroom." I said to her as I walked passed her. She looked back behind her to be sure we were out of hearing and seeing distance.
I was thrown against the wall and Hazzy's hands were on me. "Hazzy..." I grunted and squeezed my eyes shut. "It's so hot when you say my name." she said into my ear. My teeth clenched my bottom lip and tried to control myself. Her touch was driving me insane and getting me hot. "I've been waiting to touch you again." Our breathing was getting heavier.
I needed to stop her hands from touching me. I looked down and found it hard to make her stop. That's when she pressed herself hard against me. She began grinding against me slowly. Her hands held my waist to make me go along with her. A little moan escaped my mouth and I covered my mouth quickly. Hazzy chuckled and she whispered in my ear, "You enjoying this baby?" "No." I lied and she smiled, she didn't buy that one bit. "Stop Hazzy." I said and she moaned again at me saying her name. I felt tears hit my eyes because I knew what I was about to do was going to hurt.
I shoved Hazzy off of me. I pulled my dress down and saw tears hit her eyes. "Renée, I'm sorry." she apologized. I turned and wiped my eyes from the tears that hit mine, too. "How many times you going to apologize Hazzy?" I sniffled and I felt her grab my hand and hold it. "Renée, please. I need to just come out and tell you something." I sighed and turned with more tears forming. She pressed her lips together and sighed, too. "I-" I raised my eyebrows. "You what?" "I love you, okay. There I said it. I'm in love with you Renée!" I closed my eyes and kept the tears in as best I could. Should I tell her how I feel now? It would be a good time. "Hazzy, I-" I pressed my lips together and looked down. This was hard to tell someone you love them. Especially if they're the same sex.
I grabbed the bathroom handle and backed up. "I have to go to the bathroom." I said quietly and walked in and shut the door on Hazzy and locked it. I heard her sniffle and walk away. I sunk to the ground and held my knees to my chest and began crying into them.
Why is love so hard?