The house is empty except for Shawn. I walk out of my room. I can't believe I'm doing this.
I push the door open and it still lays untouched.His bed neatly tucked, there's still blood stains on the floor. I lean down and run my fingers over the stain. Skylar laid here, bleeding to death, Carter beside her, lying lifelessly. I look up and the top of the rope still remains on the fan. I walk over to his closet. All his clothes are still there, I wonder when his parents are taking them. Whether they even plan on taking them that is. I run my fingers over the various fabric. I grab one of his favorite sweaters of the hook. It still smells like him. I place it on his bed, walking over to his dresser. There pictures of all of the boys and I together with him, pictures of his family, him as a child, but two catch my eye. Skylar.
One of her as a child, her hair in a ponytail, dressed in a light blue soccer uniform, A ball tucked under her arm. She's covered in dirt and a blue streak of paint under each eye. She smiles at the camera and she looks so carefree. There's another one of her, taken in this exact room with one of Carter's Polaroid camera.
It's a picture of Skylar sitting cross-legged in the bed, looking at a photo album. Her long brown hair tucked behind her ear, she looks upset as she frowns down at the album. I spy the caption Carter wrote on it.
"Skylar being a crybaby over her old pictures."
I look back at the old picture of Skylar and then at the more recent one. She looks the same just sadder and more run down. She seems stressed, and depressed. I frown and place the pictures down. I wonder went through Carter's head?
Was he at his final straw? Cause I know I certainly am. I don't know how much more of this life I can take. I walk out of the room shutting the door to find Shawn. He stares right back at me.
"What were you doing in Carter's room?" He asks.
I shrug. "I don't know."
He sighs and walks back into his room.
"Shawn wait!" I shout and walk into his room.
He watches me from his bed, guitar in hand.
"I-I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry for everything I've ever done wrong or bad to you. Just I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being...being...being me." I finish. I feel like I'm going to break down and that's when I walk out. I walk downstairs and out the door. I walk down the sidewalk. I walk and walk and walk.
I know exactly where I'm going.
I knock on the door and my it flies open. "Nash what do you want." My dad grumbles.
"Dad I wanted to say I'm sorry, I'm sorry for being an asshole, I'm sorry for being a disappointment, I'm sorry for just being me. Okay, I'm sorry and I don't want or need you to forgive me, I just want you to know I'm sorry. Also that I love you and and Mom, and Skylynn, Will, even Hayes. Just tell them that alright? Promise me you'll tell them that alright?" I beg.
"Nash what are y-"
"I-I promise you Nash, now can you te-"
"Goodbye dad." I say and walk down the steps and away from the house.
He screams after me but I don't reply. I have one more stop to make. I have to make it fast.
I knock on the door and it takes a while but Mahogany opens the door. "Nash what do you want?" She says angry.
"Look, I don't want to ruin your drunk sleepover but I wanted to tell you I'm sorry, for doing anything bad or wrong I have ever done to you, and that deep, deep, deep, really deep down I still somewhat love you. So I'm sorry for me." I say quickly.
Her jaw drops. "You still love me?"
"Is Skylar here?" I ask.
"SKYLAR!" She screams.
I look down and when I look up it's just Skylar at the door. "Oh. Hi Nash." She mutters.
"Look I know you hate my guts cause you think I bullied you, but-"
"Cameron told me the truth."
I freeze, Cameron told her the truth? Whatever it doesn't matter now.
"Look Skylar, I know you don't remember anything past the fact that you slit your wrists and woke up from a coma, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for ever hurting you now or when you finally remember in the past. I'm sorry for just being me." I explain.
She nods slowly.
"Also this." I lean in and kiss her. She kisses back and I pull away. "I gotta go."
I run down the steps and this time I run to my last and final destination.
Am I really gonna do this? I stare over the ledge. I have to. I can't take anymore of this. No more talking just climb over this stupid ledge. I swing one leg over and place it on the small concrete ledge hanging off and swing my other leg over. I grip the wall barrier behind me as I watch the cars zoom by. The wind of cars driving by behind me makes my shirt flap. I can feel the wind through the thin fabric. I can hear my heart in my ears and feel it in my throat. It's just a fall, one fall and it all could be done with Nash. It's so tempting right? I maneuver my iPhone out my back pocket and dial Cameron's number.
"Hello?" I hear Cameron's voice echo, it's quiet.
"Where are you?" My voice comes out shaky.
"I'm heading home now, why?" He sounds suspicious.
"Nothing man, just wanted to tell you I love you and even though we fight you are the greatest friend I could have asked for, you're like a brother to me." I bit my lip to hold back the tears.
"HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" I hear someone scream. I turn around to find that same doctor. The doctor that helped Skylar watching me.
"Nash who was that?" Cameron asks.
I panic and try to hang up but in the heat of everything and the way I shake my phone slips out of my hands and past my fingertips. I watch as it plummets to the ground, A truck rumbles by ending its graceful fall, smacking it somewhere that I can't place.
"What's your name son?" I remember the doctor. I turn around to find a large group of people. There's sirens in the distance.
"It doesn't matter does it? I'm going to jump and that all won't matter. Cause you all barely know me. You barely know what I've gone through but you guess it is pretty bad that I'm standing here wanting to kill myself. So you wanna find out why. Wanna find out if I actually have the guts to jump. Well I do!" I scream, I turn back around I hear the sirens stop blaring and car doors slam. I feel tears in my eyes as my body shakes. I take a deep breath. My palms sweat and I don't grip as tightly as I straighten out my back. I exhale one last time.
Let's do this. I turn around and wave to the doctor. My hands leave the barrier and I place them at my side. I shuffle my feet forward and shut my eyes. I lean over and-