I bit my lip as I watched them slowly lower the casket into the ground. She's really gone. I never said a word to her. Just watched silently as she was tortured. Being pushed so far to where she thought the only way for anything to be better, to escape all this, was to die.
The part that makes me wanna jump into that hole is that I could've prevented it. I could have saved her. Saved her from the team, the cheerleaders, herself. I could have stopped, prevented this. She probably went to our lazy ass principal and he did nothing. He probably feels just as bad, but the difference between him and I is that I actually came to her funeral. It was all over the news. It was like the whole town had came.
Outside of school it looked like she touched many people's lives. I looked around at the crying people, they probably never saw it coming. They thought she was the happiest girl alive. They didn't know what went on at school. But I did.
I kicked at the damp grass, the guilt was eating me alive. There was no way I can fix this. She's dead. Look Nash, you've put her there, you might as well take the shovel and throw the dirt in there yourself cause you killed her. You did this. You're as guilty as the people who made fun of her, who pushed and beat her up. You're even worse cause you watched. You watched her, from start till end.
"How did you know Chrissy?" A middle aged woman breaks me from my thoughts. She looks like a raccoon as her black makeup smears as she wipes her eyes.
"I-I went to school with her." I choke out. She nods. "So you…" she trailed, I simply nodded. I knew she meant I saw her take the gun out of her bag, put it to her head, and -
"She was so happy and sweet, I just don't get it." She shrugged. "Well, we're all human and have the capability of faking a smile and laugh, putting on act till you can't take it and…" I can't bring myself to finish the sentence. She agrees, nodding.
"I miss her so much!" She cried and broke down, I caught her before she fell. Two people who I knew were her parents cause they two were on the news smiled weakly at me, and her dad whisked the unknown woman away.
"Thank you for coming. It means a lot. I mean I know who you are. The captain of the football, basically the king, you rule the school. I mean the principal wouldn't even come. So it truly means a ton. I mean her own bloody principal wouldn't show up. That's just...sick." She shakes her head.
I nod. "It's just boatload of crap. Chrissy having to suffer like that. No one at her school knew about this. Did you know they were giving a hard time?" She turns to me.
I let out a shaky breath.
"You ugly ass whore!"
"You're so gross! I don't even want to touch you!"
"You shouldn't she'll probably give you an STD."
I shook my head. "No one ever said anything to me. I usually know about what goes on, but I didn't know about this." I lied. She nodded sadly. "It's a shame, she seemed really cool the times I've seen her. She's beautiful." Her mom nods. "Yeah, you two would have made a cute couple." I blush. "I-I gotta go. I have to babysit my little sister." I apologize and leave.