WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
MAY BE TRIGGERING!
MAY BE TRIGGERING!
I just want to run away. But I'm trapped in this bright hospital room. I just want to leave this damn town cause it's given me nothing but trouble. I don't care anymore. I can only deal with so much shit. I just want to die. I just want out. What's the point of living if you're just gonna drop dead one day? What's the point of being happy if you'll just end up being sad again? What's the point of wearing makeup and looking pretty if you're just going to take it off and look ugly again? What's the point of doing anything anyways? Just...what's the point of breathing?
I sniffle. My gosh, I'm crying. I'm so weak. I'm such a weakling, all those women in those movies can fight back against those men, and I just take those beatings. Those girls stand up to their bullies, while I cry myself to sleep, slicing my skin in the bathroom.
I hate myself. So much. I just want to die!
I spy my iPhone on the table. I reach out, hissing at the pain. Almost got- there we go.
I dial the number which will always be engraved in my mind.
"Hello?" His voice is deep, but it reminds me of home.
"Skylar? Oh my gosh, I haven't talked to you in ages, how are you?!" He cheers, I can hear the smile on his face.
I fiddle with the corner of the sheet.
Please question me Greg, your my brother, my last hope. Please.
"You sure? You don't sound okay."
No, I'm not sure.
"Never been better." I hold back the tears.
"Oh, okay. Well how's everyone at home?"
Then it happens. One tear, becomes ten.
"Sky? You okay?" I hear him say.
I keep my lips in a tight line, if I open them, the doctors will come rushing in and they'll have me under close eye. So, I hang up. I drop my phone on the bed, placing my hands over my mouth.
I let out muffled screams as I sunk down under my sheets. Tears stream down my face.
What do I do? It's hard to breathe at how hard I'm crying. What am I supposed to do now? I don't have my razor with m-my jacket pocket. I keep one shaky hand over my mouth another throwing the sheet off me. I grab my jacket, searching the pockets.
Where is it? I always had one with m-I pull out the small plastic baggy. I pulled it out. I shouldn't do this. I promised Nash I'd stop. I've been clean for a few days now and I'm just going to crash like this? I'm supposed to be stronger than this. I'm better than this. I dropped the razor and dialed Nash's number quickly.
"Oh my gosh Skylar they said they found you, I was waiting for your call! Please tell me you're okay!" He says quickly.
I run my finger over the blade.
"I don't know if I'm o-okay Nash." My voice shakes.
"What are -Skylar, babe no. Don't cut yourself please."
"Does it still count if it's an accident? Like how I'm just running my fi-" I stop as the blood rises from my finger.
0 days clean.
Zero. Days. Clean.
"I did it Nash."