I laughed as Matt and I walked down the sidewalk. We were skipping school today. My aunt doesn't care very much cause she sees the bruises, she knows what's going on but she doesn't say anything. Instead she watches silently as I limp around the house, groaning and muttering profanities under my breath. I hold Matt's hand as we walk.
He asked me to be his girlfriend and I agreed. Best decision I have ever made. He treats me like a princess. He protects me from all bad in the world when he can. It's hard being away from him during school. Cause I know everyone is silently watching, judging me. But Matt he's different. He watches but with a smile. He doesn't judge me. He loves me. He whispers it all the time. The day he popped up at my school he told me.
It's rare that Taylor bothers me. He's too busy with Cameron. It makes me sick thinking about how he's become one of them. It's sad to watch Nash walk around frowning. His life has just crumbled. His family kicking him out, getting kicked off the team, losing his only friends, and the gay rumours floating around. What he has known has fallen apart.
Matt opens the door. "Welcome home!" He smiles. I laugh. His place was like a second home to me. I heard something fall from upstairs as a bang echoed through the house. I jumped and Matt jumped in front of me. He grabbed my hand, running into the kitchen. I was calm, but confused as he pulled out a kitchen knife. That's when I started to freak.
"Matt! What if it's one of the boys?" I ask, he shakes his head and grabs my hand again and we walk up the stairs slowly and quietly. I can hear my heart thumping in my chest and it feels like it's gonna break through my rib cage and fall out my chest and on the floor. I walk a little closer behind Matt as we near the first room which belongs to Carter. He opens the door, his sheets are a mess but it's empty. I let out a sigh of relief and he shuts the door. He walks to the next door, his hand reaches for the knob his phone beeps and I jump.
He smiles down at me and pulls out his phone. "It's Carter." He mumbles. "Aw! Best friends!" I tease pinching his cheek. He smiles as he reads the text but it slowly fades and I see tears welling up in his eyes. "What's wrong?" He shakes his head and hands me the phone.
Dear Best Friend,
It's Carter. Mr. Carter. I don't know if you've noticed but it's a hard life out there. Quoting Cam:
Zaymm, it's a tough world out there.
Being gay in a society of straight people is like being a pepperoni slice in a box of cheese. To everyone you appear different. Ya know a mistake. A blemish on the world's perfect acne-free face. Say society is the customer and they're a vegetarian. I'm the unwanted slice. They'll look at me in disgust. Hate me, and the person who made me. They won't want to eat the other slices cause they feel like they're contaminated. Like if they even touch it it'll change them as a person, so they close the box and throw it away, not looking back at it again. Boycotting the company that made that pizza.
Matt I'm a pizza slice, you and the boys are the cheese slices. I think we all knew it was risky to come out in high school, but I did but now I regret it cause from the day I came out my life fell apart and I became a ticking time bomb. My time running out second by second. Matt, the timer has reached zero. It's time for me to blow. Disintegrate. No longer exist. So this is a goodbye. Don't miss me or feel pain. Cause we all knew it was bound to happen like every gay boy in high school. We were all ticking time bombs, drawing more attention more people around us. Until we just blew up in front of everyone.
I'll miss you a ton Matt. Tell Nash, it wasn't his fault. He was that straight guy that some gay boy had to fall for. I was doomed from the start. It only seem right that i die with the last person I talked to being Nash. Tell Skylar I said bye. She'll take care of you Matt. I wouldn't have left if I knew you wouldn't be okay and taken care of. Tell the boys they were the very best friends I could've asked for. I love you guys.
Your Asian friend,
I lock his phone and he breaks down. Tears stream down his face, he screamed as he fell to the ground. I got down on my knees to hold him. "Don't touch me!" He backed away. It felt as if I was stabbed in the chest. Carter killed himself and I'm pretty sure Matt is never gonna talk to me again. I got up, maybe it's all a joke. Maybe Carter is just cuddling Nash in his room and they're both gonna laugh and talk and I'm gonna find them and we're all gonna laugh.
I find my hand on the door knob. I take a deep breath. Get ready to laugh. I know Carter and Matt were best friends. But since I started school there Carter was nothing but nice, even when Cam left he stuck by my side. He was like a brother to me. So if he's dead I- stop it Skylar. He's not dead. I took a deep breath, and walked in. Silence. Maybe the room's empty. I open my eyes, and regret it. Tears come to my eyes. I watch as he hangs from the ceiling fan. "Carter. Why?" I can barely hear my voice as I run out and grab the kitchen knife that is beside Matt, who's stopped screaming but stares blankly into space, tears streaming down his cheeks. I walk over to his body. I climb onto the chair, knife in hand. I cut through the rope and his body falls to the ground with a loud thud. I get down onto the ground beside him, trying to find a pulse. But there's nothing. He's gone.
I look at the knife, I'm holding it so right my knuckles have turned white. "Carter, why." I say my voice a raspy whisper. In one motion, the knife moves across my skin. I hiss, as the blood rises and flows. I slit the other one and I watch the blood trickle on the floor. I close my eyes. "Skylar?" I hear Matt walk into the room. He makes a sound before running over.
"No. Skylar. No." He pulls out his phone. "Yeah, my best friend he hung himself and my g-girlfriend she slit her wrists. She bleeding badly." His stutter is so cute. He nods and walks into the bathroom and comes back with two clothes. He presses them to my cuts. I want to slap his hands away but he has my wrists pinned to the floor. "Okay. Thank you." He hangs up and continues to add pressure. "Skylar why?" He whispers, his bottom lip quivering. "You don't understand Matt. Carter was all I had left at the school. Ya know when I had someone with me I wasn't such a target. Cam's became captain of the football team, and Nash doesn't even want to look at me. I'm alone and vulnerable." He frowns.
"I promise you. When we get to the hospital and they patch you up, I'm going to transfer and protect as long as I can. I promise." He whispers. I nod and Matt slowly begins to blur. I squint. I'm not ready to let Matt go. "I love you." I whisper. "Skylar. No. No. Stop that. You'll get-" that's all I hear until I could hear nothing my body went limp, and my eyelids closed slowly. I fought but lost the battle.