My body shook as I cried, my breaths loud and shaky. I really did it. I let another person slip through my fingers. I could've saved her. Skylar was my second chance. I failed. I failed her family. My family. Myself. Most of all, Skylar. She needed me, even if she wouldn't say it. I could see it in her eyes. She hid so many things in those green eyes. Things she could've shared with me. I heard a small whimper. "Nash?" The voice was hoarse as if it wasn't used in a while. I looked up from my wet palms to find Skylar. She sucked in a harsh breath as she looked me over, stopping at my eyes. I searched for an emotion. Hurt. She always had that look. She was always hurting, after the day Taylor hit her. But I saw it most often when I was with Mahogany.
"Mahogany and I broke up." I blurt out. I bit my lip. That wasn't supposed to come out. Her lips parted, speaking slowly. "What?" "We broke up. I was going to break up with her awhile back, but the whole Christina thing had me sidetracked." I explain. She nods, and for a second I see happiness in her eyes only to be replaced by guilt. "Was she upset?" I shake my head. "She wasn't. I think she was happy, she could run around with the all the boys she wanted to now." She nods and I see the corner of her lips twitch. Was she smiling? Did she like me?
"You look like you're holding up just fine." She smiles. I can see that it's forced but shrug it off. I see her body shake as she moves to curl up, but only for a small groan to escape her pink lips. I can feel my heart break, watching her. I stand up and her eyes follow me as I walk to the other side of the hospital bed. I climb in beside her, wrapping my arm around her waist, finding her hand and holding it. I entangle our legs and hide my face in her back.
I can see the Goosebumps on her arms where they have an IV, I spy her cuts but say nothing, not wanting it to be awkward. Even though she shivers, I can feel her body radiating heat. "Skylar, get on your back." I whisper. I want to try something. She moves slowly but I smile once she looks up at me. I see the twitch again as happiness flashes in her eyes. Did I do that? But the twitch stops, and the hurt returns. I look her in her eyes. They were so beautiful. Green specks of blue. It reminded me of the time we went to this really nice place we went to in Mexico.
The ocean was a blue green, a blue tinted in it from the over head sky as if the water was a mirror. It was like God had taken that memory of the water and placed them in her eyes. I find my lips on someone else's as electricity pulses through my veins, making my body tingle. She kissed back only to stop and not respond as if she didn't want it anymore. I pull away, groaning. "What did I do wrong?" I ask, my voice cracking. Was really that upset? "I just can't do it. You watched me get beat-up Nash. The only reason I think you care about me out of all the other people Taylor bullies is cause I remind you of this Christina girl. That you apparently liked a lot. Nash you don't even know me! You just like me for my looks. The fact that I remind you of Christina makes you think that it fixes what's wrong inside. The emptiness you feel. I can't fix that Nash. You don't like me." She explained.
I want to protest. I want to tell her that she makes my body tingle. That seeing her in this much pain breaks my heart to bits. That when we kissed I felt something I've never felt with anyone else. How she's the only one I want. The only one I need. But instead my mouth stays shut, and I'm paralyzed with fear to see what would happen next. She bit down on her lip, I'm guessing cause I didn't reply she thinks what she said is true. "You'd never like me." She chokes out and turns onto her side, she makes a sound of pain but says nothing else.
"Sky-" I reach out and place a hand on her wrist, below the IV, but above the scars. I hear her breath hitch. I run a finger down her wrist feeling the rough skin. I imagine how soft it was. How nice it felt. How nice it must feel to have her fall asleep in your arms. Have her laugh at your jokes. I imagine what she was like before this. "Stop." Her hand catches my wrist. I bite my lip. "Please just don't make me leave." I say my voice barely a whisper. She sighs. "You have to. I can't-" I cut her off.
"You can't what? Love me? Cause I love you!" I say rolling out of the bed. She stares at me, her eyes follow me to the door. "Dammit Skylar. I love you so fucking much! You mean so much and you just push me away! I just want to be with you! I don't care about Christina! I had a crush! I knew it would turn into nothing cause she hated my fucking guts! See I thought I had a chance with you if I tried to be good, ya know make sure nothing super bad happened. Then Taylor hit you in the cafeteria and I felt sick watching. I wanted to stop it but something holds me back. Maybe it's the fact that if I do, Taylor would ruin my life! Or maybe it's the fact that I'm just super fucking shy around you. I see you and you look so delicate. Like Fine China, even the slights crack can ruin everything. I wanted to be close to you but at the same time I couldn't! So when I tried to apologize just so I could talk to you, you shot me down and I knew I had lost you. I made a crack, breaking our imaginary bond that I had set up in my head. So when I saw you in the hallway. I knew I should help but something still held me back. Then Taylor left and the feeling left and I ran over cause I saw how he hurt you and...I was just scared I'd lost you too. The difference between you and Christina is that I love you and I didn't love her! Gosh! How could I be so stupid to believe that you would fall for me! I'm the jerk jock! Maybe I should start acting like what I'm supposed to be! I'm fucking done with you Skylar!" I say and slam the door, walking out of the hospital and down the street. School was still going. It was last period. If I'm lucky I'll find Taylor and Cameron.
There's shit, that needs to be sorted.