I wasn't let out of the boys' sight once I woke up with bandages on my wrist. "Can I at least go to the bathroom by myself?" I snap as I get up from the bed and walk toward the room I had requested. Yes, I felt bad for scaring them like I had but I wanted to be able to breathe.
"What if you--" Zayn starts and I shake my head.
"I wont," I cut in. I head to the bathroom then, shutting the door and looking at myself in the mirror. My face is pale and when I hold up my thin wrists, I see my left one covered in heavy gauze. I grimace, looking over at the toilet where I had last sat and find the blood stains and bloody toilet paper were cleaned up. I lift up my shirt and see the words "gone" and "my fault" that I had carved into my stomach and I feel tears prick in my eyes. My mother was gone, never coming back and it was all my fault.
A sob leaves my lips and I sit on the toilet seat, wailing loudly into my hands. "Jamie, what's wrong?"
"My mom's not coming back," I whimper to Niall although he already knew this when I see him standing in the bathroom doorway. Niall encases me in a hug and I cry harder into his chest so much that I'm shaking in his grasp.
"Sh, you're okay, Jamie. You're okay," Niall says, trying to soothe me. He runs his hands through my hair softly as I continue to sob.
"I-I'm s-s-sorry I'm--" I sniffle, gasping for air as I try to apologize weakly.
"Sh, Jamie, it's fine. You're okay, the boys and I are okay, everything good," His Irish accent is strong as he speaks, craddling me in his arms as he rocks us back and forth.
"T-Thanks, N-Ni," I whisper and he nods, sending a kiss on my forehead and smiling lightly.
"Lets get back out there, ah?" Niall asks and I nod, brushing the rest of my tears away. I take a final deep breath and the two of us exit the bathroom.
When the other boys notice my red face and tearstained cheeks, their smiles drop. "I'm sorry," I whisper.
"Jamie, love, why're you sorry?" Louis asks.
"I'm sorry I put you all through this. I'm sorry I've sucked you all into my life. I'm sorry I worry you all. I'm sorry I was a distraction at your work. I'm s-so sor-sorry,"
"Jamie, where's this coming from?" LIam asks, voice leaking confusion.
I-I--" I sigh, running a hand through my hair and force myself to continue. "I'm an anchor. I bring you guys down. Once I latch on, it's really hard for me to let go,"
"That's okay, Jamie. We like a challenge," Zayn winks, trying to lighten the mood and Harry smacks him in the chest, sending him a glare.
"I'm a puzzle that's going to be hard to solve," I whisper, looking down at my shoes.
A tan hand lifts my chin and I'm looking into green eyes. "Well I'm going to try my damnedest to figure you out, JamieLamie," He smiles and kisses my nose before stepping back and leaving me shocked. Harry Styles just kissed my nose. Any other moment, I would've felt like screaming with excitement but now, all I wanted to do now was cry because this boy was getting attached to me and all I was was a bundle of problems.
"Th-Thanks, Harry," I mumble instead.
He smiles at me and brings me over to the bed where the two of us lay together, watching TV. I could feel the other boys' shocked gazes, surprised at how Harry was able to calm me down so quickly but I don't mind as I snuggle into Harry's chest. I check my story and find it was still skyrocketing, making me smile and update my followers before falling to sleep.
Harry's Point of View (I'm changing it up guys lmao)
Jamie falls asleep at my side and I scroll through my phone as the other boys converse. Just to spite her, I go on Jamie's profile and scroll through her page. When I find her status, my heart drops into my stomach. I dunno why he puts up with me. I'm just a bundle of problems. -Jai I then go through twitter, tag her and type her the cheesiest yet most heartfelt tweet I could manage in 260 characters. "@It'sJamieParker JamieLamie, you are my world. I 'put up with you' as you had put it because you are part of the 1D family now. I love you. We all do. Now don't scare me shitless like you did a few hours ago. One boy should not be crying that much. -Hazza xx
I severely hoped this would put a smile on her face because honestly, I hated seeing her sad. I loved seeing her laugh and smile and when I saw those cuts on her wrists in the bathroom, my heart stopped. Why would a beautiful girl like her hurt herself? I sigh, running a hand through my hair and Liam asks, "What's wrong, mate?"
"I'm just worried about her," I mumble. "I-I really care about her, y-you know?"
Louis nods, taking in my words just as the other boys were and he says, "We know. I haven't seen you cry that hard in a while,"
"I just don't know how I can grow an attachment to someone so easily. Is it because I know that this shoot isn't going to take forever and I'm eventually going to have to leave or because I know I'm going to fuck up somewhere down the line and I'm going to lose her?"
"You're not going to fuck up, mate," Niall reassures me.
"And we'll stay in LA for as long as we can," Liam pipes up and I nod, curling Jamie's fingers into mine.
"I-I haven't cared for someone this much i-in a long time," The four other boys nod and my eyes flit down to the bandages on her left wrist, making me wince. "G-God, how could she d-do that to herself?" I whisper.
"She's been through a lot, lad. Her mom's not coming back. She told me. Do you know what she's thinking right now? She probably thinks it's her fault her mom left them. Do you know how much guilt she must feel?"
I shake my head instantly. I could never imagine feeling something like that. "Do you think she'll be okay?"
"In time," Niall promises.
"How do you know so much about all of this?" I ask and the other boys nod, wondering the same.
Niall shrugs it off and my eyebrows raise. "I-I'll tell you guys eventually," He vows.
"You've known us for four years!" Zayn argues and Jamie stirs in her sleep from his outburst. I send him a glare and he whispers, "Four years, Ni,"
Niall sighs and pushes back his bracelets, showing us dozens of white scars. All four of our jaws drop and before we could say a word, he pipes up. "It was before even X-Factor," His voice comes out a mumble and he looks down at his wrists, pushing the bracelets back into place.
"Ni, but why?"
"Greg was in a bad place. Did drugs and drank a lot. I felt like it was always my fault because I never stopped him and the guilt was swarming me so I took it out on myself," The way he says it so casually made me want to cry. My best mate, someone who I had always leaned on whenever I had a problem, was suffering.
"D-Do you still, y-you know," I mumble, worried.
"N-Not much anymore,"
"When was the last time?" Louis questions, concerned.
"Doesn't matter," Niall murmurs.
"It does matter!" Louis exclaims. "It matters to us, Ni. Just tell us, please," Niall shakes his head, looking down at his hands and doesn't answer, leaving us all in silence. "Nialler, c'mon, mate," Louis begs.
"A-A couple m-months ago," His gaze is still locked on his hands and he continues. "My family is falling apart so I know where Jamie is coming from," He sighs, not meeting any of our gazes and says, "C-Can we just talk about s-something else now? I-I'm really uncomfortable,"
"Sure, Ni. It's fine," I say although we all knew, it certainly wasn't.
Hey guys. I hope you liked the chapter even though it was kinda dark. I've led you guys into Niall's completely fictionized past and explained how he knew all of this knowledge on how to take care of Jamie. I'm really enjoying this story so far. Are you guys?