I sit on my bed with the crisp white envelope in my hands. This was it. This was the moment I found out if the college I wanted most accepted me. I nibble on my lip until I taste blood and open it up with shaky hands. "Oh god," I whisper under my breath as I pull out the neatly folded letter.
My eyes stop on the first sentence, tears filling my eyes. "Dear Jamie Parker, I am sorry to inform you that you did not make it into our school of literary arts."
"Nononono," I whimper, tears spilling down my cheeks. I was never dealt well with rejection and now the biggest moment of my life, the time when people's opinions meant the most they ever could, I wasn't good enough. I rip up the letter with a scream and with sudden anger running through my veins, punch the wall next to me. The pain runs down my hand all the way up my arm and I grit my teeth, enjoying the pain.
I head to the bathroom and shift through the cabinets until I find my razor, holding it in my hands while I let out a sob. I bring my shorts down, slicing down my thighs. The hot pain gives me relief, even if for just a moment, helping me forget about that letter but by the time I'm done and I had changed into pants to hide the evidence, I felt even worse.
I head over to my phone, calling the first number I could think of and as soon as he picks up, another sob leaves my lips. "H-Harry," I whisper into the phone, wiping my tears away with my free hand.
"What's wrong, babe? What's going on? Are you alright?"
"I-I got my college applications back. The one I-I wanted most r-rejected m-me," I stammer, choking on my sobs. "C-Can you come over? I-I need you,"
Silence blankets over the phone for a moment before Harry says, "I'm about to have a talk with my manager but I could send one of the other boys over to stay with you until it's done. Does that sound good?" He is hesitant as he asks this and I sigh.
"Y-Yeah. C-Can you send Louis and N-Niall?" I murmur and for a moment, I wasn't even sure he heard me.
"Sure, sweetheart. They'll be there in twenty, okay? Just sit around and watch some TV, write the final chapter, whatever you have to do to stay calm, alright?"
"Y-Yeah," I say and Harry and I quickly say our goodbyes before I lay on my bed with my knees curled to my chest. I flip on the TV and halfheartedly watch the show I had put on while surfing the channels. The twenty minutes Harry had promised pass by quickly and right on the dot, the doorbell rings. I get up out of bed and don't even bother wiping my tears as I head to the door. "H-Hey guys," I mumble when I find Niall and Louie in the doorway.
"What happened, love? Harry said you were upset," Louis says, encasing me in a hug before Niall could.
"My favorite college rejected me," I whimper before sobbing into his chest, dampening his sweatshirt.
"Awe Jai," He whispers, voice soothing as he rubs circles into my back. "They're missing out, okay? They don't deserve you anyway," I nod, forcing a smile as I pull away. Niall pulls me into a hug before Louis continues. "Now, how's about we take you out for frozen yogurt. You like that, right?" I nod, my smile turning softer and more forced.
"Of course," I whisper and the three of us head into their car, driving to the nearest yogurt shop. The two of them slip on their disguises which only happened to be a pair of sunglasses and a beanie before we all walk inside. Once we had all made our yogurt, Louis insists on buying and as soon as we're sitting down in one of the booths, I say, "Thanks for doing all of this, guys,"
"There's no need to thank us, Jamie," Niall tells me and Louis nods quickly in agreement. "We're your friends, your family so of course we're going to come,"
"What was Harry's meeting about?" I ask, thinking back to our phone call.
"Just a talk with Simon. They're usually pretty quick so we probably won't even finish by the time he gets here," I nod, shooting Harry a text of our location before plunging into more conversation with the phenomenal boys in front of me. My thighs burned and I could only wish I had cut more, deeper but manage to keep these thoughts to myself.
"What happened to your hand?" Louis asks when he finds my knuckles bruised as I hold my spoon tight in my hands.
"Oh, it's nothing, Louie. Don't worry," I reassure him with a smile. When I look up from my half melted frozen yogurt, I find his eyes show he doesn't believe me which makes my own flit back down to my cup.
"Are you sure you're feeling--" Niall stops when Harry scoots into the booth beside me, pressing a kiss to my temple.
"You okay, babe?" He asks, voice husky and I nod my head, pressing on a smile.
"You want some?" I ask, pushing the cup toward him and he shrugs, taking the cup in his hands and scooping some of it into his mouth. He wraps his free hand around my waist, pulling me close and emitting heat down my spine, instantly warming me through the chilly store. "So how'd that meeting go?" I ask quietly, tucking my hands under my butt to keep Harry from seeing the bruises.
"It went fine. Didn't last very long,"
"As I had promised," Niall pipes up and I smile before my thoughts flit back to home. Back to the ripped up rejection letter laying on my bed, back to the fact that my dad had been working himself insane to keep away from the thought of my mother, back to the fact that I had expertly stored away my razor under the sink. I sink my nails into my thigh, glad for the pain it brought before resting my head on Harry's shoulder. He runs his hand through my hair, movements careful and soft, making me smile.
"So Simon was telling me we only have a few more days left in LA," Harry's voice comes out quiet, making my heart sink into my stomach. "The shoot should be done in a day or two we we'll have a day or two give or take until we have to go back," I feel tears shoot into my eyes, pricking and leaving never ending pain. I felt like I had just been kicked in the gut, all breath leaving my lungs. "JamieLamie, honey, it'll be okay. We'll make these last few days the best," He promises, resting his hand on top of mine.
"I don't want you guys to go but like, I know I'm just holding you back," I whisper into his chest, feeling my tears leak out of my eyes. When Harry tells me I did no such thing, I shake my head, wiping away my tears with my sleeve. "Don't say that, Harry. You know I do. I worry you guys all too much with my self harm issue and panic attacks and just about everything else,"
Before any of the three of them could answer, a camera flash hits the edge of my vision. Harry curses under his breath and when I look over at him questionably, he says, "Paps are here, we have to go," while he grabs onto my hand and pulls me out of the booth lightly. We leave our cups at the table and the three of them shield me from the paps the best they can.
Anxiety claws up my throat and I hold onto Harry's hand like a life raft as we all tumble into the car. We head back to the hotel and the whole way there, Harry rubs circles into the top of my hand when he finds my chest heaving as I let in panicky breaths. "It's okay, Jamie," Louis promises me, grabbing onto my other hand and massaging my tense joints. I force out a nod, staring down at my shoes as I try and get my breathing under control.
Once we get back to the hotel, my breathing had evened out and Harry and Louis wrap their arms around my shoulders as if to hold me together. When we get to their room, Liam and Zayn look at us with confusion when they take in my flustered features. "Paps found us," Niall explains quickly and the other boys nod, shooting me looks of sympathy.
"Simon and Jodie're going to be pissed." Zayn mutters. "You weren't supposed to expose Jamie as your girlfriend yet. You knew she wasn't ready," His voice is angered and it makes my eye widen. "I mean, do you know how many rumors are going to be floating around now?"
I shut my eyes, trying to keep my panic at bay and say, "Zayn, please, just stop. I can't-- I can't think about this right now. I've had a really shit day and if we keep talking about this, it's only going to make it worse," Zayn nods, respecting my plea and we all settle down on the hotel beds before I take a look around and find how messy everything is. Pizza boxes and other old food items along with dirty clothes liter the floor, making me grimace. "Ugh, guys, really?" I ask, jumping off the bed and starting to clean. When I look back at them, I find them all blushing, making me smile with a roll of my eyes. Within a matter of twenty minutes, I had straightened everything up and when I say, "I expect everything to stay this way," with a stern look, they laugh at me.
I settle back down next to Harry and just as he starts massaging my scalp in a silent thank you, the door swings open and I find Simon and their manager, Jodie standing in front of us all, looking angered. Jodie had her hands plastered to her hips and Simon had his eyebrows furrowed, lips pulled into a tight line. "Uh oh," I mutter and Jodie rolls her eyes at my comment.
"Uh oh in deed," She hisses, sending me a glare. "Harry, how could you take her out in public like that? I've already heard some of the rumors running around. Right when things started settling down you murk it up again!"
"Don't yell at him," I growl, glaring and balling her hands into fists. Jodie sighs, not wanting to even acknowledge my existence and I curl into Harry's chest to keep the hurt from seeping into my chest.
"She's my girlfriend. My wonderful, beautiful, lovable, talented girlfriend. I think I should be able to show her off. Just because she's not some fancy model or Kendall or Taylor doesn't mean I shouldn't be able to go out in public with her. Since when was that a crime? That I want to take her out and make her happy?"
"We're not saying it's a crime, Harry. We're just saying you need to tune it down a bit," Simon says and to my surprise, he shoots me a smile. "Jamie, would you like to escort you home?" He asks and I find myself nodding. The two of us head into his car and I was nervous. What would he have to say to me? Would he tell me about the rumors? "So Jamie," He starts as he puts the car into drive. "I see how happy you make Harry and that's good because I haven't seen him that happy in a while. I'm sorry you guys can go out in public as much as you would like but it's for the best. We don't want either of you two to get hurt. You understand that, right?"
"Yeah," I mumble. "Will I still be able to see him still? Like, when he's not shooting the music video? We could chill at the hotel or at my house?" I question quietly, scared for the answer.
"Of course," He tells me with a small smile. "But there's something else I wanted to talk to you about, Jamie," He continues as he pulls up in front of my house.
"O-Okay," I whisper with confusion.
"I'm sad to say the paps heard you talk about your self harm, saw your scars when your sleeves rid up," My feel my eyes widen and all color drain from my face.
"W-What?" I stammer with shaking hands.
"I'm sorry, Jamie." He tells me simply.
"Is there any way we can fix it? Make up an excuse? S-Say it was my cat or something?" I ask desperately, feeling fear seep into my bones.
"We could try but I don't know how well it's going to work," To my surprise, he pulls me into a hug and I feel tears leak from my eyes. "Take care of yourself, okay Jamie?" I nod, giving him a fake smile before heading back into my house. Right as the door shuts, I take out my phone and call Harry.
"What's wrong, baby?" He asks when he hears my heavy breathing on the other line.
"Th-They saw my cuts. Th-They--" I sob violently into the receiver. "I-I'm so stupid, Harry. I-I-- My dad's going to find out. Th-Then what?"
"I-I dunno," Harry whispers and those two little words are the thing that makes me completely break down.
Hey guys. I hope you liked the chapter. I tried making it longer.
(Unedited. Not a surprise.)