I wake up at Harry's side and when I find him asleep, I smirk, playing with his world famous curls. They were soft and molded into my hands. I blush at the thought and run my hands through them, thinking about what happened yesterday. I sigh, putting my arms to my sides and stare at the bandage on my wrist. I strip back the gauze and when I see the handful of deep cuts, staring to heal, I wince. Guilt washes over me and I start to pick at them, wanting to feel something other than this and when small stabs of pain start to surface, I feel a bit better. "What're you doing?"
My face pales when I lock eyes with Liam and I clamp a palm over my wrist, stopping the bleeding. "N-Nothing," I mumble before getting up and heading to the bathroom. I press toilet paper to my wrist, soaking up the blood until the small stream stops all together. I then run my wrist under cool water and search for more gauze. When I find it, I fix my wrist up quickly and when I exit the bathroom, I find Liam waiting by the entrance. "D-Don't--"
Liam shakes his head at me and says, "Take a walk with me,"
"O-Okay," I whisper. "W-What'd you want to t-talk about?"
"I think you know what I want to talk about," He sighs. The walk wasn't a very long one, just outside of the hotel room and the two of us press our backs into the walls which were florally papered and sit with out knees to our chests as we talk.
"W-Well I don't w-want to t-talk about that," I admit slowly.
"Please, Jamie? Just open up to me like you do with Niall and Harry,"
I sigh, tears beginning to pool in my eyes. "L-Liam," I mumble.
"What, love? You can tell me," His voice is sincere and promising which makes me calm down slightly but my hands shook as the words were at the tip of my tongue.
"I-I really like Harry,"
"Well I think that's pretty obvious from the fanfiction you write," He laughs and I shake my head, fighting off a smile as I look up.
"It's more than that. It's more than just a petty fangirl crush anymore. I've come to know the real Harry Styles, not just the one the media likes to show. I like when he calls me JamieLamie. It makes me smile and laugh. He knows how to-- I don't know, calm me down and open up to people. Not a lot of people can do that but it's like, he knows how," I let out a shaky breath and force myself on. "You guys-- You're the best thing that's happened to me. Whenever my parents fought, I went up to my room and guess what I did? I wrote fanfiction about you guys because it took my mind off everything. After I cut, I would cry in my room, thinking The boys wouldn't want you or any of their other fans hurting themselves would they? but then I'd just get upset again because I knew I'd never meet you guys. But now? When Harry called me up, I thought it was some sick joke from the kids at my school or something but then it wasn't. It was like some miracle, like my life was finally turning around. I had applied for all the colleges I wanted, finally got out of school and away from my bullies and now Harry Styles was calling me? It felt so insane, you know? Then, a couple days later, I met the rest of you and you welcomed me with open arms. Do you know how great that was? I am so used to people just throwing me aside like I don't matter but then my idols accept me. I--"
I start sobbing then and Liam pulls me into a hug. "Sh, you're okay, love," He promises.
"Y-You guys make me s-so h-happy," I whisper. "I-I know you're going to h-have to leave e-eventually and I-- I-It's going to k-kill me wh-when you guys l-leave. I-I'll be alone a-again. I-I get one taste of friendship a-and then it gets r-ripped away from m-me."
I shake my head, cutting him off. "But I know you guys will forget about me eventually. I mean, I'm just some pathetic girl who writes fanfiction and has panic attack and nerdy glasses. Why would you remember me? S-So when you guys finally leave and I am forced to be alone again, I-I don't know what I'll do,"
"We're not going to forget about you, love," Liam promises.
"H-How do I know that? Once you guys finish this shoot, you're going to have concerts to preform and songs to write and--"
"And we'll be calling or skyping or tweeting you every step of the way," He smiles. "Now listen to me, Jamie. Harry really likes you. He-He was crying when you--" He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "He never cared about any other girl as much as he cares of you. Not Taylor. Not Kendall, not anyone. Just you. He hasn't made any cutesy names for them like JamieLamie. Nothing. He does that all for you,"
"I'm not worth it!" I cry into my hands. "I'm not. I'm a wreck and a burden and a bunch of problems." I whimper.
Liam rubs my back soothingly and pulls me into a hug, forcing me to sob into his chest, my tears soaking his shirt and he says, "Sh, Jamie, you're okay,"
"N-N-No," I whisper and he coaxes me into looking up at him. When I do, I find him giving me a sympathetic smile.
"How about we go and get something to eat? Just you and me and we can talk things out? How's that sound?"
I nod and get up from the floor, dusting myself off. "I-I need to have a shower and clean clothes b-but I don't want my dad to s-see me like th-this,"
Liam nods, the thought dawning on him and says, "Have a shower here. I have some sweats and you can borrow one of Harry's hoodies," I nod, smiling gratefully and the two of us head back into the hotel room. Liam throws me the clothes and I head to the bathroom, trying to forget the moment had had found me in here last as I set my clothes down. I lock the door behind me and turn on the shower, trying to relax when I jump in. I sing the song the boys and I had worked on together softly under my breath as I work the hotel shampoo into my hair, wincing when the soap burns my cuts and when I'm out in record time, I blow dry my hair and get dressed, putting my hair up into a messy bun before leaving the bathroom. I find Liam sitting on his bed patiently, making me smile softly. "You look nice," He comments, making me blush.
"T-Thanks," I whisper.
"You ready to go?"
"I-I don't have m-makeup o-on," I mumble, embarrassed.
"You don't need it," I hear Harry murmur and I look over at his bed, only to find him laying on his back, hands behind his head, smiling at me with his dimples showing. "As much as I would like to be taking you out on this date, I'm glad Liam is taking you,"
"I-I-It's n-n-not a d-d-date," I stammer, blushing as I look down at my shoes. "H-He's j-ju-just--"
Harry laughs, coming over to me and squeezing my hand. "I know, Jamie. It's just friendly breakfast, I'm aware,"
I nod, relieved and give him a light hug before Liam and I leave, utterly confused. "H-Harry wants to take me out on a d-date?" I stutter with confusion.
"He does," Liam assures me. "He just doesn't think you'll accept,"
My eyes grow wide and I say, "I write fanfiction about him for gods sake!"
"That's what I told him,"
"He should just ask me," I mumble. "It's not like I'd say no," Liam nods, smiling softly as he opens the hotel doors for me as we walk down the street. "Where are we going?" I ask.
"It's not that long of a walk. It'll take maybe ten minutes," He reassures me and I nod, not sure what to say. "So uh, do you want to tell me what happened this morning?"
"N-Not r-really. I mean I--" I am interrupted when camera flashes and loud voices wash over me, swallowed by the paparizzi. My breathing becomes heavy and my chest constricts. Tears form in my eyes as everyone moves in closer and a sob leaves my lips. "L-Liam," I whimper, tears on the verge of spilling over.
"Give us some space, please," Liam asks but the reporters don't bother, if anything, moving closer. I put my hands over my face, wiping away my tears and trying to get air into my lungs but my panic attack comes with no mercy. "Please, you have to give Jamie some space. She's have a panic attack. You're scaring her," Liam's voice is level and slightly pleading which makes them back up just an inch, not helping the vice constricting in my chest and Liam grabs my hand lightly, pulling me into a store which was for the most part, empty. He takes me into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door to keep the reporters out while I sit on the toilet seat with my head in between my hands. "Jamie, what do I do? Should I get Harry on the phone?"
"Y-Yeah," I whisper.
Liam takes out his phone and calls Harry while I try to ignore the loud voices of the paps, my breathing still coming erratic. "JamieLamie, love, you've gotta calm down," Harry tells me once Liam had put him on speaker.
"You can. It's just you and Liam now. No more people you don't know. It's just you two. Deep breaths, Jai, I know you can do it,"
I nod, tears swimming down my cheeks as I try to do as Harry says. "Fuckfuckfuckfuck," I mumble.
"Jamie, please love, listen to Harry," Liam begs. I nod, trying my best and after a few minutes, I had calmed down, being encased in a hug. "I'm so sorry I put you through that, love," He apologizes after hanging up on Harry.
"I-I-It's okay," I whisper. The reporters leave a few minutes after that and Liam leaves the room first, scanning the room for them just in case and when we find we're alone, the two of us head back to the hotel. "I'm okay," I mumble once we get back and find the other boys staring at us with worry.
"You had a panic attack. You're not okay," Louis disagrees and I sigh, resting my head in my hands.
"I just-- I just want to watch a movie, not talk about this. Is that okay?" I ask. The boys nod and we all settle on Niall's pick on the movie. Harry insists I sit next to him and when I do, he wraps his arms around me, encasing me in warmth.
"I'm sorry you had to go through that," He whispers.
"It's okay. I'm fine now," I insist and glue my eyes to the screen. Harry nods but he doesn't look satisfied. I scroll through twitter and find a tweet Harry had indirected me and smile, favoriting and retweeting it, smile growing wider before I look at the replies. I find jealous girls sending hateful words my way and even though I feel a twinge of hurt, I grit my teeth and reply to a few of them before snuggling into Harry's chest and falling asleep again.
So I'm updating again today because this idea kind of just came to me. Jamie admitted her feelings for Harry. Gasp! Not a surprise though because who doesn't love Harry? Lmao. I hope you guys liked it. and thank you for over 100 reads cx