"There's nothing like stepping on stage,
into a sold out crowd,
of almost 16,000 people.
What Inpiries me to keep doing this everyday,
is the rush I get on stage...
it's absolutely..irreplaceable.
With almost two years of sobriety,
people think I have my life all together,
but infact, I'm just winging it.
It's easy for people to assume that everythings taken care of,
and that I'm always camera ready,
but I wake up everyday, like everyone else.
I have the same worries, and fears, that everyone does.
 I'm afraid of spiders, and being vulnerable in front of the world.
I'm still facing these obstacles and problems, that everyday people have.
People thought that I've got myself together,
but I'm actually still a working progress."


4. Times Have Changed

I don't know who I am anymore.

I can feel the scruntiny all these hours,

when I don't walk straight I look over my shoulder.

and I don't know what I've become.

Who these people are that hover over me.

They've told me their names,

but it's just another lie.


They told me I'm paranoid,

that I see things that aren't there.

but I'm not hallucinating,

this world is real

as much as I wish it was not.


I'm losing myself in so much confusion.

I don't know what to think.

and when I stare in the mirror, the girl I see

is the person I didn't believe that I would become.


I'm crazy now, and I can't breathe.

I don't know who I am anymore.

I'm panicked now, and I can't breathe.

I don't know who I am anymore.

It's like I never did.

like I've just been walking,

without seeing a path ahead.


I carefully dropped my bag under the familiar tree, letting out a ragged breathe.

slowly letting my body fall against the wide trunk of the old tree, and slidding down to the ground.

this was me and Mackayla's tree.

we found it here deep in the woods, when we were hiding from our parents.

but that was before she left.

it's just my tree now.

although sometimes I like to imagine she's here with me again, just like she was when we were 8.

and we'd talk just like we used to.

we'd talk about everything out here,




just life.

we were also kids back then though,

back when the word YOLO was cool,

when ring pops were awesome

and when Toy Story was the best movie ever.

now and days the word SWAG is labbelled as cool,

and Drugs are supposably awesome,

and the best movie ever has to have a boy or girl wearing barley any clothes in it.

Times have changed.

they've changed a lot.

I sighed in ease.

the peace and quiet here, was oddly what silenced the demons in my head.

it gave my mind a break from reality.

I could sit here and dream all day if I could.

but life isn't like the movies.

I could sit here and dream,

but sooner or later,

I'd have to wake up.


































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