"There's nothing like stepping on stage,
into a sold out crowd,
of almost 16,000 people.
What Inpiries me to keep doing this everyday,
is the rush I get on stage...
it's absolutely..irreplaceable.
With almost two years of sobriety,
people think I have my life all together,
but infact, I'm just winging it.
It's easy for people to assume that everythings taken care of,
and that I'm always camera ready,
but I wake up everyday, like everyone else.
I have the same worries, and fears, that everyone does.
 I'm afraid of spiders, and being vulnerable in front of the world.
I'm still facing these obstacles and problems, that everyday people have.
People thought that I've got myself together,
but I'm actually still a working progress."


5. Dreaming Thoughts


It's hard to heal when you've been broken so many times.

it's hard to trust when you've been stabbed in the back so many times.

and it's hard to be real when you've been judged for it so many times.

and ya know,

I go on thinking it's just a light storm, but it's always been a hurricane.

and I go on thinking it's just a few sparks, but it always turn into a raging fire.

If people are ignored during their existence,

why do they become noticcable after they disappear?

everyone I ever got close with, either left or changed.

It's not fair...

but thats life.

people change and people leave,

just like how flowers wilt,

and seasons change.


I just need to loose myself, in something other than the sadness,

something other than the loneliness.

I need to loose myself in something, that I could find myself in.

and I never wanted them to go away,

but I guess they truly had no idea,

how alone I got in my own skin.

My mother compared me to the moon,

because no matter how hard people studied me, or watched me,

part of me always seemed to be hidden away.

maybe they were right when they called me insane, and crazy.

but I don't really care anymore,

because I'm at home up here in the clouds.


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