Dean paced back and forth across the small room Sam and him had rented for the night. Every so often he would cast an occasional glance at his brother, his kid.
Things weren't going so well lately. Sam was hunting with him now, had been for the last few years. But as time want on things were getting progressively more dangerous. Every time Sam got hurt on the job Dean felt it like a stab in the chest. It was all his fault.
Sam should be a lawyer by now, maybe even have a kid or two with that girl. What was her name again? Julia, Jamie... Oh yeah, Jess. Even though he tries to deny it, Dean still feels that spark of jealousy every time he thinks of one of sam's girlfriends.
Dean had long since stopped trying to make sense of the feelings he had toward his brother. He figured that Sam had always been his top priority. Ever since they were kids Dean had been the one to keep Sam safe and happy. Maybe it was just a natural progression of feelings.
Either way, it didn't matter. Dean felt sick every time he thought about what would happen if Sam ever found out about how Dean's heart rate spiked every time Sam smiled, or how Sam's laugh made his life worth living. If Sam knew, he would leave. No doubt he would be disgusted.
Dean was so lost in his thoughts he didn't even realize when Sam woke up. "Dean..." He stared to say in his adorable sleepy voice "what are you doing?"
Deans breath caught in his throat. He shouldn't be this close to Sam. His feelings were out of control. "Everything's cool Sammy, go back to bed, I'll be here when you wake up."
Sam propped himself up on his bed and looked at Dean questionably with his sleepy eyes. "Where are you going?"
"I'm gonna head out for a walk kiddo, get your rest."
Sam looked confused, even a little hurt. Why was Dean always trying to get away from him?
(Sorry guys for some reason the italics won't turn off...)
Dean raked a hand through his messy hair. Damn it kid, you don't want me here. You have no idea how much I need to get away right now.
"Can I come with you?" Sam asks him, a little more awake now.
Dead can't even make eye contact with Sam as he shakes his head slowly and turns to leave. He doesn't want to see the look of abandonment in his brother's eyes. Why couldn't he just understand that Dean wasn't punishing him, but trying to save him.
"Please don't go" Sam Begs
"Just go to sleep Sammy"
"But you'll come back right?"
Dean almost laughs at that, the idea of no coming back to Sam in ludicrous. Sam could tell Dean that he was going to shoot him if he came back, and Dean would still return.
"I'll be back"