Daddy, why am I different from the other girls?
Daddy, why do they laugh at me?
Daddy, I hate my life.
Oh. I’m sorry for saying that…No, please stop shouting.
No, daddy, I’m s-sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.
Daddy, please don’t hurt me. Daddy no!
I immediately woke up and sat upright, my breathing ragged and my eyes filled with tears. I stared straight at the opposite side of my miniature room and felt the chills run down my spine. I shivered and pulled the blankets up until my chin and hugged myself tight as I let my mind wander into the most unforgettable day of my life. I knew I was different, I knew it perfectly well but I’ve always asked, “Why me?” and I never got the answers. I looked outside my almost destroyed and foggy window and saw that the sun was already rising. I’ve always loved sunrises; it makes me yearn for a new day, a new life…a new experience. I shook my head and tried not to think too much. Here we go again, stop thinking so much, Blaire. I got out of bed, not bothering to fix it and walked towards the broken mirror that was standing at the corner of my room. I stood straight in front of the mirror and stared at my face…my broken face, actually. I raised my hand and ran my fingertips through the half-foot scar that started from the left side of my bottom lip up to the corner of my right eye. Bruises heal, scars don’t. This scar brought back so much memories…dark memories that have caused me to have nightmares almost everyday. I find it odd how we humans remember all the scary, dark and depressing days of our lives instead of remembering the happy ones. I don’t even remember my 6th birthday party, I mean; all I remembered was that I had a huge cake. But this dark day of mine…is just unforgettable.
“Blaire,” said a familiar voice from behind me.
I jumped, startled that I’ve been staring at my scar for quite some time that I didn’t even realize that he was standing right behind me. I stared at him from the mirror and he smiled his trademark smile at me. You must be thinking that it’s the monster that gave me this scar is standing behind me but no you’re wrong. I turned around and gave him a small smile. He was wearing a hoodie, jeans and vans, his hair was messy as usual and his eyes…his dark black eyes were just mesmerizing. Do I love him? Maybe.
He walked towards me and grabbed the hand that was touching my scar just a few minutes ago. He brought my hand up to his lips and kissed my fingertips. For some reason, I didn’t feel a bit of excitement when he did that gesture…maybe I was used to it. He dropped my hand and looked me dead straight in the eyes and I did too. He placed his hand on my cheek and that’s when I flinched, my eyes widened and my body stiffened as he made contact, I took a step back, which made him drop his hand. I placed my hand on my cheek and rubbed it vigorously, I was looking at him as I did this and he was just shaking his head, letting out a little chuckle.
“What’s so funny?” I snarled at him.
“You get too anxious, Blaire” he stated as he turned around and walked back to the door. “Go downstairs, breakfast is ready”
I said okay and then he closed the door. I thought about what he said, not the breakfast part, but the part before that. That’s when I realized, yes, I was anxious about things…actually, I was anxious about everything. After that dreadful day, I never let a single man touch my face. That dreadful day…it will never escape my mind just like how I can never escape my reality.
Daddy, please don’t hurt me. Daddy no!
He grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him, he brought out a small knife out of his pocket and my eyes widened. No words can express my fear right at this moment. He wouldn’t hurt me, would he?
“You are full of negativity, child” he spat at me, waving the knife in front of my face.
I winced in pain and wanted to scream but I know that that will only cause more trouble. He tightened his grip on my arm and I jerked my head to the side.
“Look at me!” he shouted and I immediately obeyed, staring into his deadly eyes.
“Daddy, don’t hurt me” I whispered to him which made him dig his nails in my skin.
I fought hard not to cry and as I stared into his deadly eyes I saw who he truly was…a monster. Well isn’t that what I see in everyone? Negativity. Black and white.
“You worthless child! You don’t tell me what to do! Remember what happened to your mother when she told me what to do?” he asked angrily. “Do you remember?!”
“Y-you killed her,” I managed to say in a fit of sobs.
“Correct!” he shouted then started to laugh his devilish laugh. “And here I am, stuck with a worthless kid that can’t see any color in this world”
Yes, I am colorblind. Black and white is all I see.
Suddenly, he lifted his hand; the one holding the knife and was bringing it close to my neck. Here it is. The end and the last thing I would see are his dark eyes. I’d never get to know what color they were. I felt the tip of the knife on my chin and closed my eyes, seeing darkness, well isn’t that what I always see?
“No!” shouted a voice from behind.
That’s when I felt the most excruciating pain of my entire life, a knife being sliced halfway across my face. I screamed in pain and pushed my father back which caused me to fall backwards. I stared at the ceiling and the last thing I saw before I lost consciousness was the dark black eyes of my only friend who understood me and his name is Alex Netters.
Alex and I were sitting down on the grass on top of the hill after eating breakfast. We were both shoulder to shoulder and his hand was a far distance from mine because he knew how sensitive I was. I stared at the sun as it was already up in the sky and I always wondered if a sunset was truly one of the most beautiful sights in the world.
“What’s the color of the sun?” I asked Alex as I stared absentmindedly at the colorless sun.
“Orange,” he replied and I can feel him smiling.
“Orange,” I repeated, wanting to know what orange looked like. "Is it beautiful?"
"Not as beautiful as you," he said.
I smiled at the sunset and at him and tried hard to imagine life without him...it's impossible. I cannot live without him. He made me feel special despite my condition. I was different from those other girls because I was colorblind and the kind of beauty I see is different from what they see. I see black and white – negativity; the bad things about people while they see the colorful things – positivity. It’s kind of sad because I’ll never experience how colorful a life can be.
After that dreadful day, I ran away with Alex and I’ve been with him ever since. He understands me, he knows me and he’s the only one that cares for me. I’ve been with him for quite some time and I don’t think I ever want it to end.
“Blaire?” he asked as he turned to face me and I turned to face him as well.
“Yes, Alex?” I asked him, staring into his dark black eyes.
“Can I tell you something?” he said as he held my hand and I didn’t even bother flinching anymore, I mean, it’s always been like this.
“Sure,” I replied as I smiled at him.
He smiled back and ran his fingertips down my cheek and his smile widened when he saw that I didn’t flinch but instead I leaned on his fingertips.
“You can’t see color,”
“I know that,” I said then giggled.
“But the thing is,” he said then paused for a while. “You can feel it”
That’s when he left me speechless. I thought about it for a while and that’s when I realized that he was right, the fact that I can never see how colorful life is has made me come to the realization that there is an alternative; a better alternative in fact and that is too feel it’s beauty. I stared into his eyes and he stared back at mine. Then he pulled me into a hug and I hugged him back, wrapping my arms around his neck. He then pulled me to his side and we both watched the sun, with our arms linked with each other and my head resting on his shoulder.
“I think I love you, Blaire” he said out of nowhere.
I know you do. “I think I love you too,” I replied.
I felt him smile which made me smile.
“I know you will never ever see how beautiful life is,” he breathed out. “But you will forever feel and my heart thumping loudly just for you, you will forever feel my soft lips against yours and you will forever feel my undying love for you”
“You don’t have to see it to believe it, Blaire” he continued. “All you’ve gotta do is feel it then that’s when you know it’s real”
“I know,” I replied. “I do feel it. All of it”
That’s when I realized that Alex has been the only positivity in my life, despite all my negativity; he’s always been there, the light bulb of my life. He made me feel special and wanted. He’s my only cure.
I know that I will never ever get to see the colorful beauty of life but because of Alex, I was able to see the colorful beauty of love despite all my colorless nightmares.