Leonard 'Bones' McCoy: I may throw up on ya.
James T. Kirk: I think these things are pretty safe.
Leonard 'Bones' McCoy: Don't pander to me, kid. One tiny crack in the hull and our blood boils in thirteen seconds. Solar flare might crop up, cook us in our seats. And wait'll you're sitting pretty with a case of Andorian shingles, see if you're still so relaxed when your eyeballs are bleeding. Space is disease and danger wrapped in darkness and silence.
James T. Kirk: Well, I hate to break this to you, but Starfleet operates in space.
Leonard 'Bones' McCoy: Yeah. Well, I got nowhere else to go. The ex-wife took the whole damn planet in the divorce. All I got left is my bones.
Christopher Pike: You know, I couldn't believe it when the bartender told me who you are.
James T. Kirk: Who am I, Captain Pike?
Christopher Pike: Your father's son.
Christopher Pike: For my dissertation, I was assigned the U.S.S. Kelvin. Something I admired about your Dad: he didn't believe in no-win scenarios
James T. Kirk: Sure learned his lesson!
Christopher Pike: Well, it depends on how you define winning. You're here, aren't you?
Christopher Pike: You know that instinct to leap without looking, that was his nature too. And in my opinion it's something Starfleet's lost.
James T. Kirk: [laughing] Why are you talkin' to me, man?
Christopher Pike: 'Cause I looked up your file while you were drooling on the floor. Your aptitude tests are off the charts, so what is it? You like being the only genius level repeat offender in the Midwest?
James T. Kirk: Maybe I love it.
Christopher Pike: Look, so your Dad dies. You can settle for a less than ordinary life, or do you feel like you were meant for something better? Something special? Enlist in Starfleet.
James T. Kirk: [scoffs] Enlist!
James T. Kirk: [laughs] You guys must be way down on your recruiting quota for the month!
Christopher Pike: If you're half the man your father was, Jim, Starfleet could use you. You could be an officer in four years. You could have your own ship in eight. You understand what the Federation is, don't you? It's important. It's a peacekeeping and humanitarian armada...
James T. Kirk: Are we done?
Christopher Pike: I'm done.
Christopher Pike: [Gets up] Riverside Shipyard. Shuttle for new recruits leaves tomorrow morning, 0800.
Christopher Pike: [pause] Now, your father was captain of a Starship for 12 minutes. He saved 800 lives, including your mother's and yours. I dare you to do better.
Lt. Uhura: I'm impressed. For a moment there, I thought you were just a dumb hick who only has sex with farm animals.
James T. Kirk: Well, not only.
Burly Cadet #1: This townie isn't bothering you, right?
Lt. Uhura: Oh, beyond belief, but it's nothing I can't handle.
James T. Kirk: You could handle me, if that's an invitation.
Burly Cadet #1: Hey, you better mind your manners.
James T. Kirk: Oh relax, cupcake, it was a joke.
Burly Cadet #1: Hey, farm-boy, maybe you can't count, but there are four of us and one of you.
James T. Kirk: So, get two more guys and then it'll be an even fight.
James T. Kirk: Now, what is it with you, Spock? Hm? Your planet was just destroyed, your mother murdered, and you're not even upset!
Spock: If you are presuming that these experiences in any way impede my ability to command this ship, you are mistaken.
James T. Kirk: And yet you were the one who said fear was necessary for command. I mean, did you see his ship? Did you see what he did?
Spock: Yes, of course I did.
James T. Kirk: So are you afraid or aren't you?
Spock: I will not allow you to lecture me about the merits of emotion.
James T. Kirk: Then why don't you stop me?
Spock: Step away from me, Mister Kirk.
James T. Kirk: What is it like not to feel anger... or heartbreak... or the need to stop at nothing to avenge the death of the woman who gave birth to you?
Spock: Back away from me.
James T. Kirk: You feel NOTHING! It must not even COMPUTE for you! You NEVER loved her!
[Spock snaps and attacks Kirk, nearly killing him]
[Kirk rushes onto the bridge, urging the ship to stop]
Spock: I can remove the cadet...
James T. Kirk: Try it!
Christopher Pike: Kirk!
James T. Kirk: This cadet is trying to save the bridge!
Spock: By recommending a full stop, mid-warp, during a rescue mission?
James T. Kirk: It's not a rescue mission. Listen to me, it's an attack!
Spock: Based on what facts?
James T. Kirk: That same anomaly, a "lightning storm in space" that we saw today, also occurred on the day of my birth, shortly before a Romulan ship attacked the U.S.S. Kelvin. You know that, sir, I read your dissertation. That ship, which had formidable and advanced weaponry, was never seen or heard from again. The Kelvin attack took place at the edge of Klingon space, and at 2300 hours last night, there was an attack: forty-seven Klingon warbirds destroyed by Romulans, sir, and it was reported that the Romulans were in one ship, one massive ship.
Christopher Pike: And you know of this Klingon attack how?
[Kirk glances at Uhura]
Lt. Uhura: Sir, I intercepted and translated the message myself. Kirk's report is accurate.
James T. Kirk: We're warping into a trap, sir. The Romulans are waiting for us, I promise you that.
Spock: The cadet's logic is sound. And Lt. Uhura is unmatched in xeno linguistics, we would be wise to accept her conclusion.
[as the Narada pursues Spock, he suddenly whips the ship around and heads directly for it]
Nero: What's he doing?
Spock's Ship's Computer: Ambassador Spock, you are on a collision course.
Nero: [panicking, he barks an order at his crew] FIRE EVERYTHING!
Nero: James T. Kirk was considered to be a great man. He went on to captain the U.S.S. Enterprise... but that was another life. A life I will deprive you of just like I did your father!
George Kirk: What are we gonna call him?
Winona Kirk: We could name him after your father.
George Kirk: Tiberius? You kidding me? No, that's the worst. Let's name him after your dad. Let's call him Jim.
Winona Kirk: Jim. OK, Jim it is.
George Kirk: Sweetheart, can you hear me?
Winona Kirk: I hear you.
George Kirk: I love you so much. I love you...
James T. Kirk: Four years? I'll do it in three.
Kirk: [highly agitated and suffering side effects from McCoys hypospray] Uhura! Uhura!
Lt. Uhura: Kirk? What are you doing here?
Kirk: The transmission from the Klingon prison planet. What exactly...
Lt. Uhura: Oh, my God, what's wrong with your hands?
Kirk: [waves off the question with his bloated hands] I-i-it's... Look, who is responsible for the attack...
Lt. Uhura: What?
Kirk: ...and was the ship walullaan?
Lt. Uhura: And was the ship... WHAT?
Kirk: [to McCoy] Whass happening to my mouth?
Leonard 'Bones' McCoy: You got numb-tongue?
Leonard 'Bones' McCoy: I can fix that!
[hurries off to find another hypospray]
Lt. Uhura: Was the ship what?
Lt. Nyota Uhura: What? I...
Lt. Nyota Uhura: Romulan?
Lt. Nyota Uhura: Yes!
[Bones injects him with another hypospray]
Kirk: ACK! ACK!
[trying to say 'stop it']
Lt. Uhura: Gaila, who is he?
Gaila: Who's who?
Lt. Uhura: The mouth-breather hiding under your bed?
James T. Kirk: [comes out from under Gaila's bed] You can hear me breathing?
Lt. Uhura: [catches Kirk hiding under her roommate's bed] You!
James T. Kirk: [scheduled to take the Kobayashi Maru test the next day] Big day tomorrow.
Lt. Uhura: [throws his clothes at him] You're gonna fail.
James T. Kirk: Gaila, see you around.
Lt. Nyota Uhura: [hustling him to the door] Get out!
James T. Kirk: If I pass, will you tell me your first name?
Lt. Nyota Uhura: NO! Good night!
James T. Kirk: I think the fact that you picked up a transmission is very interesting...
Hikaru Sulu: The fleet has cleared spacedock, Captain. All ships ready for warp.
Christopher Pike: Set a course for Vulcan.
Hikaru Sulu: Aye-Aye, Captain. Course laid in.
Christopher Pike: Maximum warp. Punch it.
[One by one, the rest of the fleet jumps to warp, leaving the Enterprise behind. Sulu frowns at the console, puzzled]
Christopher Pike: Lieutenant, where is Helmsman McKenna?
Hikaru Sulu: He has lungworm, sir. He couldn't report to his post. I'm Hikaru Sulu.
Christopher Pike: And you are a pilot, right?
Hikaru Sulu: Very much so, sir.
Hikaru Sulu: I'm, uh, I'm not sure what's wrong here.
Christopher Pike: Is the parking brake on?
Hikaru Sulu: Uh, no. I'll figure it out. I'm just...
Spock: Have you disengaged the external inertial dampener?
Hikaru Sulu: [Embarrassed, he punches in the correct sequence] Ready for warp, sir.
Christopher Pike: Let's punch it.
James T. Kirk: What are you doing?
Leonard 'Bones' McCoy: I'm doing you a favor. I couldn't just leave you there looking all pathetic. Take a seat. I'm gonna give you a vaccine against viral infection from Melvaren mud fleas.
James T. Kirk: OW! What for?
Leonard 'Bones' McCoy: To give you the symptoms.
James T. Kirk: What are you talking about?
Leonard 'Bones' McCoy: You're gonna start to lose vision in your left eye.
James T. Kirk: Yeah, I already have.
Leonard 'Bones' McCoy: Oh, and you're gonna get a really bad headache and a flop sweat.
James T. Kirk: You call this a favor?
Leonard 'Bones' McCoy: Yeah. You owe me one.
Spock: [on intercom] Dr Puri, report.
Leonard 'Bones' McCoy: It's McCoy. Dr. Puri was on Deck 6. He's dead.
Spock: Then you have just inherited his responsibility as Chief Medical Officer.
[McCoy looks at a burning medical room full of casualties from the attack]
Leonard 'Bones' McCoy: Yeah, tell me something I DON'T know!
Security Officer: [McCoy is half-carrying a loopy Kirk after injecting him with a vaccine. Kirk is scanned] Kirk, James T. He is not cleared for duty aboard the Enterprise.
Leonard 'Bones' McCoy: Medical code states "The treatment and transport of a patient is to be determined at the discretion of his attending physician" - which is me! - so I'm taking Mr. Kirk aboard, or would you like to explain to Captain Pike why the Enterprise warped into a crisis without one of its senior medical officers?
Security Officer: As you were.
Leonard 'Bones' McCoy: [irritably] As YOU were!
Leonard 'Bones' McCoy: [to Kirk] Come on!