I've always been that good, little girl in school. The 'nerd' . Bullied. Be-friended. Replaced. I thought that was bad, but I never really knew what this terrible life would bring me until now. I was always told as a child "life is a gift, take it for granted." I actually believed it was a gift and tryed so hard to take it for what it was apparently worth, but I must have been a stupid nerd because life's not a gift, its a trap. It pulls you in and you can't do anything but wait for something good to happen. Which is pointless because nothing good will ever happen... WARNING: This story includes triggering and emotional scenes.


11. Broken

A/N This is quite a strong chapter, you have been warned :)


Days passed and everyday was just a repeat of the last. Bullied, broken, alone, in pain and hurt. People followed me home, calling me names. Emo, ugly, worthless... and being me I believed everything they said. I knew I was an emo, I was ugly and I was worthless. I never told my mother, how could she help? It wasn't that good at home either. Mum had found someone, someone she loved. They had been going out a month now and well lets just say she's become a totally different person. She's out every night, drinking and smoking with this guy. I come home from school and there's no one there to make me tea any more. There's hardly ever any food left in the fridge. And when she is home she's sat on the sofa watching tv and smoking. She never liked smoking, but when she met that guy something must have made her change totally. She's not that sweet any more, she's horrible to be honest. She's more bossy. She doesn't think about anyone else apart from herself. It's horrible, I hate her so much but then again I want to help her but I can't. I hate this guy, I haven't even met him yet. Hopefully I never do.  


It was Monday, my favourite. I always waited for the weekend but when it did eventually arrive it went by so quick and I had no time to do anything.

I woke up about 7, my usual time. Got dressed into my everyday clothes, picked up my bag and went downstairs. The house was quiet, as it usually is in the morning. My mum wasn't in, out all night then. I didn't go to get breakfast. Food needs to be saved, you see. Back then I always had to eat breakfast otherwise I would be starving all day. Now a days, it doesn't really matter. Yes, I am starving all day but it doesn't bother me, it actually is a way of releasing pain. It sounds weird but trust me I know what I'm talking about. 

I took my key, opened the front door and I was out. It was a nice day, sun glistering as usual. It was hot, as usual. I had got quite used to the heat now here, it was actually quite relaxing. 

The school gates were crowded like always. I pushed through the groups friends and finally got to the school door. I took my earphone, put it in my ear then opened the door. I pushed through my crowds coming finally out. I paced through the halls finding my way to my locker. My locker was fully decorated now with posters from my favourite bands. Black veil Brides, Bring me the Horizon, Ghost town and god so much more.  When I finally reached my locker, there was definitely something wrong. Half of my posters were ripped up, some on the floor. Some with words on them, 'emo fags' , 'stupid idiots' , 'gay'. My heart pumped faster almost exploding out of my chest. I honestly felt like crying, right there and then. Not just because of how much they were insulting my idols but they were bullying me, hurting me and almost abusing me. I didn't bother putting anything in my locker, I didn't bother sorting it out. There was no point it was just going to be messed up again. I was so angry at them, I wanted to murder every single one of them. But I'm scared of them all, I couldn't admit it before but I am. Now I fully know them, I know what they could do to me if I did try anything. I don't speak back any more, because of them. They have took every bit of confidence I have and chucked it away.  I feel so useless.

I dragged my useless self to class, did everything I needed to do and repeated. As usual drag, drag, drag. Every lesson I went to, I just did nothing. I was worthless in this world, there was no point in me being here. Soon it became lunch, I had a science detention as I had done nothing. I knew 'they' were going to be there, wonderful. I dragged my self slowly to the detention room, opened the door and sat down at the back. I knew from the very moment I walked in the room I was being watched. I couldn't be bothered with anything any more.  I took my earphones, put them in and lied my head on the desk. I stared and stared at the clock, every tick I wished would just go faster. Hoping they wouldn't come up to me. I had avoided every chance of a detention since I knew they had been here but unfortunately today I hadn't cared less and now, I wish I should have.

They came up to me, Jacob, the green haired boy whose name was Matty and there friends. I lifted my head up so I knew what was coming and watched there moves carefully.

"Hows your locker, Kyla? Do you like it? We made a few 'changes', we agree that its much better than it was." Matty said giving a little evil grin. My eyes narrowed at him as he paced back and fourth. Jacob and Matty looked at each other smiled and looked back at me. I bit my lip.

"So? Do you like it or locker or not?," Jacob says raising his voice, the whole room becomes quiet. I don't know what to say, what will happen if I say no? I shook my head slightly, fuck what have I just done? They look at each other again, smiling. Oh no.

"No? no? oh Kyla," He says getting up, followed by Jacob. They came closer, I can't do anything, I can't move like when Matty kissed me. My body froze. Suddenly everything went black. I can't remember anything after that apart from waking up in the nurses room. She smiled at me then dipped my head. 

"Wha? What happened?," I said feeling quite dizzy. 

She smiles again, "Matty Harper and a few of his friends hurt you quite badly, don't worry its not to bad and there being sorted with." Fuck I let them do this to me? Why am I so week? 

"There, that's it for plastering up. The head teacher Mr Wakefield said you could have the rest of the day off if you wanted. You'd just have to give your parents this." She handed me what read: Parents/Careers Notice 

Dear Parent/Career of Kyla, 

Your child recently had an accident during school and I would like to give you this to aware you. Please contact me Mr Wakefield as I would like to talk more about this. 

Thank you

~ Mr Wakefield (Head Teacher)

It wasn't much, but it was just saying how the head teacher wanted to talk to my mum about my 'accident'. There was no way on earth she was going to come in.


I left school, not a single person outside. Well duh Kyla, everyone is in class. I put my hood up, covered my eyes with my bangs and blasted my music in my earphones. Finally I got to the end of the school gates I took my accident slip and dumped it into the bin. 

Soon enough, Black Veil Brides Lost it All (A/N Here's the song link so you have a better idea of this part of the story) 





And after 30 seconds of listening to the song I was in tears. I thought about everything that had happened the past year, I tried to think of happy thoughts but it just made everything worst and I cried even more. Every breathe I took made me feel even more bad. The tears wouldn't stop. I needed to get home, I was crying my eyes out in public I was going to bring attention to myself and that's the last thing I wanted. I ran. Every step, every move I was getting closer and closer to were I wanted to be.

Finally I was home. I turned the key, flung open the door and ran upstairs covering my face as best as I could. I slammed my door shut, ran over to my bed and cried. Cried till my eyes were as red as blood. Cried till I had no tears left.

After about 15 minutes the tears stopped, I lied there on my bed. Still. Broken. So many thoughts went through my head. Horrible thoughts about suicide. Soon I came to the conclusion the only thing that would make everything better, to help me, to punish my problems away. 

Self Harm.  

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