Life is scary

We are all scared, but each of us has a different way to overcome the fear

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1. Life is scary


“ Sorry?”, I am taken from Kyle’s dreamy arms, back into the classroom. I must concentrate. The teacher doesn’t know in my world there are much more important things than World War 2.
“ When did the Munich agreement happen?”
That is a good question, whose answer I knew last week, but now for some reason my brain decided to delete that piece of information. Not the first time this happens.
“ When Hitler declared he wants to invade Czechoslovakia.” I answer, trying to show I did study, only what they are asking me is not recorded by my brain. The teacher seems to think this is enough, because she asks the student beside me for the answer.
I don’t listen. Even if I remember the date now, it’s going to get deleted by the time I go back to my room anyways. I will revise the dates later. But not now.

Now I can spend the remaining ten minutes thinking about James. No, not James, Kyle. The new boyfriend’s name is Kyle, James is the previous one and currently we are just friends. I am just so used to day-dreaming about James, we’ve been together for the past two months. Habits are hard to break.
So Kyle. Like a dream. He loves the same music band as me, The MsM and we are both into swimming. Isn’t that perfect? So much different from James, a fresh breath of air. Which is what I am telling my best friends. What a brilliant thought!
Isabella, my best friend for life, comes to me and explains how imperfect Kyle is and how James is the one. She says I and James have been together for six months and I met Kyle yesterday, so it’s a bit too early to do anything with him. But she doesn’t know James forgot to come to my poetry recital. He was perfect and then suddenly he forgot. What kind of a boyfriend does that? I tell Isabella she is stupid, she shouldn’t be giving advice when her boyfriend left her two weeks ago. Wait, no, it was four weeks. Was it? Or maybe one? One and half?
 It’s so hard to keep track of your imaginary life! It never happens in a logical order. I just come up with this idea in the middle of the day. And so many things are repeating themselves! How am I supposed to remember when was the fourth time James took me to meet his parents? And how can I remember anything about his mom’s interests? The first time I met her she was nice and polite, but then she turned into a career woman and completely forgot her duties at home.

So whatever, Isabella looks at me with tears in her eyes. I don’t regret what I said, because it’s the truth. She knows nothing and she must know just because someone looks perfect, doesn’t mean he is. Her boyfriend was the perfect match for her when they met, but then he fell for this blonde, because she is way sexier. What kind of a boyfriend is that?

“Lindy’s brain is turned off again.” I hear the giggles coming from the chair behind me ” Just look at her staring at the wall.” and they proceed to laughing. Before I used to fight for myself and respond, but I don’t care about them anymore. I care about the friends from my world. They will always be there for me, while these people here are just part of my current life. After a few years we are going to graduate and they will move on to study for one of those crazy jobs they want, life will crush all their dreams, all their hopes and they will soon become depressed house-wives. And then they are going to stare at the wall, because nothing will be exciting in their life.
But this won’t happen to me. I will always have my world where people care for me. I will always have a world of adventures. And I will have true love, true friends and true relationships. Like the ones from movies and books. I will always have that.

I love you. Shouts Kyle, so that everyone in the room hears. How marvelous! Just after three days he fell inlove with me! How dreamy. How perfect. It took James a whole week to say that! And Isabella now knows Kyle  is perfect. She saw how magical he is. She believes we are meant for each other. Isn’t life so perfect?

Sadly I can’t enjoy my happiness, because the new girl is talking to me.
“ My name is Lily, if you don’t remember.” Why are you telling me this? Kyle is waiting for me!” We talked yesterday. I sat here. I told you about the ski trip I went to last year, you remember?
“Yes, I remember, no need to tell me again.”
Why is she so annoying? Her constant speaking is preventing me from concentrating on my perfect life.
“Not everybody likes skiing, but I do other things. I also like reading and drawing. My plan is to go to an art school, or maybe become a fashion designer someday. Although my mom suggests I become a lawyer, but you know mothers, they don’t always get us. I love my mom of course, and my dad. They are both great parents. How about you?”
“They are parents. “
I would have told her about my imaginary parents, but that would make me seem crazy. Still, they are much more worth talking about. Much better than my real parents. They always allow me to do what I want and they always approve of my friends and boyfriends.
"If you have nothing good to say, better say nothing, huh? Still, they raised me and gave me life, so I can be grateful for that. … Which reminds me of this one time when I was so grateful it didn’t rain, because I had just recovered from a severe cold and I forgot my jacket at home. …. Speaking of jackets, I think that guy over there likes yours."
I just turn slightly, but not actually look at him. Why would I care about some guy when I have Kyle? Dreamy, perfect Kyle.
Only Lily doesn’t know that and she keeps talking about him.
"He seems really into you. And he is cute. Just look at that T-shirt he has of The MsM , do you know them? I also heard he is into swimming. Isn’t that cool? Do you know each other?"

" No, we are classmates, but we don’t know each other."
" Really?! But then I must introduce you."
"Lily, do you mind just minding your own business?"
I don’t wait for the answer. I don’t care if she cries or shouts, whatever.

All that matters to me is that I can go back to the garden and enjoy my time with Kyle.

 

 

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