'You have changed,' I say to myself, staring at my reflection in the mirror. One time I was careful. One time I cared. Everything seemed to matter, and have an importance. But now... I've lost my spark. 'You're still there!' I yearn for it come back and shine once more. Bring the joy into my life, the friendship. Clara seemed like a nice person, a genuine person in another life. Ever since I picked up the black sharpie, I felt that she transformed. Clearly, it was just me.
Pictures are dotted across the desk, decorated in sea shells, collected, polished and shined from the beach. I haven't looked at a sea shell properly in a while. The photographs show a beaming, rosy cheeked girl in smart dresses and fine jewellery. In front of the mirror, I clutch the photos, comparing ones of me from a few months ago to now. My positivity has slipped, the colours from my cheeks have drained, and I no longer put any effort into life, leaving life the bare, plain girl with tangled hair.
'Addie?' My mother crawls into my bedroom silently, but I don't jump. No longer am I frightened.
'Yes...' I make a sound, but hardly a word. I hold the 's', taking a while to let go.
'I just wanted to ask if you're okay, because, you've seemed different lately. And I saw your friends in town today without you - have you fallen out?' I hold onto the rage building up inside. Inside of a cage, I lock it up and hide the key. Never will it escape.
My mother's eyes and mine connect, 'No. We're fine, I wanted to be on my own - that's all.' She shrugs before leaving the room. When she does, I collapse onto my bed and hold onto my face. I'm alone, but feel like hiding. From everyone I know. From everyone I don't.
It's the only way I can reach peace.
I yank my make up bag out from a shelf and unzip it quickly. I fish out a white powder to begin and wash my face with it, making sure that each and every corner has had a coating. Then I dust my eyes with black shadow, above and below to make sure I am fully hidden. Following that, I paint my lips with a deep purple. I feel like I'm at the bottom of the ocean. Somewhere far down, dark and kept away from everyone else. Finally, I pull out an eye liner, drag it across my eye lids before sending the pen each upwards and down in a curl - a wave. The sea is with me, and I am lost in it.
Nobody will ever find me.