Fearless (au payne)

I used to think
that love & fear
were not even close to the same thing.
but now, being with you,
I understand that they can be similar.
The fear that keeps us from loving
is also the glue that keeps our love together.
I'm afraid of our future
I love how we are

I'm in love with the ecstasy of fear


Not every 19 years olds live their dream; going to college, meeting somebody special, marrying the one, & starting a family. For those who don't live that kind of life, live in a dark & harsh world. Where there's no one to trust or love. And to live in fear. But there is those who learn to fight fear.


1. chapter 1

Chapter 1~ I'm Sorry


I listen to the rain hitting the car, as I look out of the window admiring mother nature's thick green woods.

I glance to my left, to see my brother, Dean. His hard, but handsome, expression hasn't change since we left Chicago. I can tell he's in deep thought by his green eyes staring at the road. He hasn't even bother to ask me if I'm feeling fine emotionally or physically.

I look back to my window & stare at the woods. I too, go in deep thought thinking about what happen back in Chicago


~ flashback 32 hours ago ~ 


"Emma!" yelled Dean.

I ignored him & continue crying. I couldn't believe what happen. What I did. I didn't like the fact that it happen. That I would had done something like that. I noticed my hands began to shake & the tears wouldn't stop falling down my cheeks.

"Dean, give her some time alone. Especially what happen tonight. . . I knew it was a bad idea coming back to her life" I hear Sam say

"Back to her life?! We came back because she was in danger! So I am not sorry for protecting my little sister!" he yelled

"But you didn't"


~ End of flashback ~


Dean & Sam are my two older brothers. Dean is the oldest & as the oldest ,he protects the family. And what I mean by family, I mean Sam & me. Our parents died a few years ago, when I was 4. I don't have a lot of memories of them, but Dean said that dad was a dick & that I'm like mom. Sam, in the other hand, says that dad wasn't a true dick. He says that dad acted like because he was just protecting the family. At first, I didn't understand what he meant by "protecting the family", but I found out what he meant now.

"I'm sorry" I hear Dean say 

I stay silent 

"I'm sorry for not being there like I promise. I shouldn't had let you alone. If I would had known that he was following you, I wouldn't let you alone. And cause of that, he got you &... " He couldn't finish what he was saying because it disgusted him to even say or think about.

"I shouldn't had let you alone. I'm sorry for letting this happen to you. You were suppose to live a 19 year old's life going to college & do whatever the hell you guys do now" he pauses for a while & looks at me

"I'm sorry"

"It's okay" 


* * *

We arrived at Liverpool by dawn. Dean got us a little apartment in the city. It was small with two bedrooms & one bathroom. The apartment also came with a few furniture, which was good because we had nothing.

"Ian & Josh are staying at a hotel near us" announced Sam.

"Good. When did those bastards arrived?" Dean says as he took a sip from his bottle of beer.

"The same time as us Dean. When are you going to meet up with the other gang you put us in?" asks Sam.

"You joined another gang?" how come I didn't know about this. I thought he was done with gangs.

Dean & Sam look at each other both unsure what to say. Weren't they going to tell me? Even after what happen back home, they weren't going to tell me that they joined another gang.

"You guys weren't going to tell me. You were just going to tell some sick lie that you guys got a night job & leave me alone like always. I thought we were done with secrets guys!" I yell at them. I really don't get mad, but this really pissed me off.

They stay quite, not sure what to say or do. I should had know they would do something like this. They're my brothers, it's not like they didn't do this before. I sigh heavily & rub my temples.

"We're a family & as a family we trust each other"

"Yeah but in this family we also protect. That's what we're doing Emma"

"Yeah I know, but the first time wasn't successful Dean."

That shut him up. I regret saying that but it was true. If he wants to protect me, he better stop hiding secrets from me.

"We'll be back. Don't step out of this apartment"

And with that they both left

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