The Meaning of Life

"Are you okay?" He mumbles, looking over my mascara stained face slowly. I nod, flinching when he reaches out to grab my wrist. "Yeah, I'm fine." I whisper back, pulling the sleeves of my loose sweater down to make sure they cover my wrists, looking down at my feet. "I don't believe you." I bite my lip at his words, feeling the all too familiar burning behind my eyes as I sigh quietly. My eyes widen slightly as he slides a finger under my chin, lifting my head so my eyes meet his as I let the tears fall. "You don't have to be scared anymore, I'm here now. And sweetheart, there is a meaning of life, I promise."

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2. I'm here now

I sigh quietly as I sit up, being careful to spare the fresh marks on my thighs of the pain of being brushed by the blanket. I climb out of bed and reach for my phone, clicking on the 'answer' button as my best friend's annoying ring tone plays. I press the phone to my ear, mumbling a quiet hello. 

"Maddie? Hey, it's Taylor. I was wondering if you wanted to go to a club with me tonight, it'll be fun. Plus, you need to get out some." 

"Yeah, I know it's you Taylor and sure why not? I'll be ready in 20 minutes." I pull the phone away from my ear as she yells, happy I finally said yes. I sigh, telling her to shut up before I hang up. 

"Might as well just wear jeans and a sweater" I mumble, glancing down at the cuts on my thighs and wrists. 

 

*~~~*

 

I glance around the club quietly, flinching as Taylor grabs at my wrists, trying to pull me with her. She frowns, knowing exactly why I flinched. 

"Maddie.." She yells over the loud music, "I thought you said it was getting better." 

"It is, just don't say anything about it, okay?" I yell back, annoyed she said anything about it. 

She nods, mouthing a sorry at me before leading me over to the bar. I follow quietly, pushing my way through the mass of sweaty people that are dancing, or more like grinding. Taylor takes a seat on one of the many stools lined up at the bar, and before you know it there's a boy next to her. I sigh, used to this happening and find a seat further down, ordering a small glass of vodka. I down it, ordering another after another. A chill runs through my body before I flinch from the pain as a hand runs along my thigh. I look up, blinking a few times before my eyes focus on the person in front of me. He smiles down at me, moving his hand from my thigh to my hip, squeezing it gently and leaning forward, whispering into my ear as another chill runs through my body.

"Hi sweetheart."

"H-hi." I mumble, taking in his sharp features. His dark brown eyes, almost like chocolate. His dark skin, defining his jaw. His dark hair, not styled, just tossed around on his head. The tattoos that line his arms, the bold outline of the colors and blacks standing out on his skin. I look him over from head to toe, chewing on the inside of my cheek as I look back up to his eyes. He looks good. 

"Like what you see, sweetheart?" 

I blush, not only from him catching me looking him over, but also from the nickname he's already chosen for me. I only notice how close he is when I register the feeling of his breath on my lips. I realize I haven't answered him, and nod, blushing more when I realize that I admitted I like how he looks. 

Why the hell am I blushing so much?

He chuckles, noticing the affect he has on me.

"My name's Zayn, I bet you were wondering." 

I nod again, telling the truth and mumbling back quietly, still blushing. 

"I was. My name is Maddie." 

"Well, nice to meet you, sweetheart. I was wondering, would you like to dance?" 

I smile slightly, my first real smile in a long time as I nod, standing up.

"I would love to."

I giggle as he slides his arm around my waist, keeping me from falling over. I slide the sleeves of my loose sweater up, forgetting about the scars lined along my arms. I smile up at him as he leads the way through the mass of people easily. We reach the middle and he stops, moving his other arm around my waist also as I slide my arms around his neck. I wince slightly at the pin from the cuts but choose to ignore it, moving my hips to the music. Zayn smirks down at me, pulling me against him, pressing his front against mine gently. I bit my lip, fighting the first instinct I have to pull away. He notices my hesitation and pulls back some to give me some room, but I shake my head. 

It's just a dance, it's okay. You need to stop hiding and running. 

I press against him again, brushing my hips against his as I look up at him. He grins down at me and pulls me closer. He moves his hands down to my bum as his hips press to mine harder. I part my lips, not used to the feeling as I press against him a little more, moving my hips to the music against his slowly. I feel a hand brush over my hair, and I just then realize that I had my eyes closed. I open my eyes to look up at him, and he leans down beside my ear, whispering just loud enough to hear of the music. 

"You look beautiful, sweetheart." 

I blush, looking down at my feet the back up at him, noticing how close we are. I study his features, taking his close proximity as an advantage. His beautiful and breathtaking eyes search mine, probably trying to figure out what I'm thinking. I look down to his lips, just now registering his breath on my lips. His lips are full and I imagine how soft they would feel against mine, how it would feel to have him hold me against the wall, rolling his hips against mine as he tore my clothes off and- 

My thoughts were interrupted as his lips touched mine. I immediately kiss back as something explodes behind the kiss, a feeling I haven't felt in a long time. My lips burn from the feeling but then I realize that my arms aren't around his neck and that he's holding them, my wrists facing upwards and showing my cuts. My eyes shoot open as I pull my arms away, pulling back from him and gasping for air as I pull my sleeves down. My eyes start to burn as tears run down my face and I turn around, pushing my way through the people and running towards the doors and leaving Zayn and Taylor behind. My lips still burn from the kiss and so does my entire body, like the feeling moved from my lips to my body. I shake my head,  trying to clear my thoughts as I run down the sidewalk as fast as I can. My legs start to burn and I stop running, before I slide down a brick wall, still gasping for breath as I lean my head against the wall, closing my eyes.

Maddie, Maddie. It's okay, he didn't say anything about them, he didn't say anything. He kissed you Maddie. And you felt that. You only felt that with 'him'. It's okay, Maddie. You'll be okay. 

I calm my breathing, just as I hear a voice from above me and dart up from where I was sitting. 

"Sweetheart?" I don't answer him, watching as he takes a step closer to me.

"Are you okay?" He mumbles, looking over my mascara stained face slowly. I nod, flinching when he reaches out to grab my wrist. 

"Yeah, I'm fine." I whisper back, pulling the sleeves of my loose sweater down to make sure they cover my wrists, looking down at my feet. 

"I don't believe you." I bite my lip at his words, feeling the all too familiar burning behind my eyes as I sigh quietly. My eyes widen slightly as he slides a finger under my chin, lifting my head so my eyes meet his as I let the tears fall. 

"You don't have to be scared anymore, I'm here now. And sweetheart, there is a meaning of life, I promise." 

*~~~*

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