When you lose someone you care about nothing else matters in the world; your world becomes one big black hole, you lose all the happiness in your body, mind, soul and spirit.

Hayden Rivers was always the shy type who was always with her older brother, their bond grew even closer when they were abandoned by their parents.

That all changes when her older brother (Ryan) dies and leaves her alone in the big, cruel world, she feels like an ant compared to everyone else and is lost with no sense of direction

At his funeral she doesn't expect to cross paths with Russell Scott

She witnesses him about to kill someone and that creates more problems in her already twisted life

Russell Scott is the most feared guy not only in their school but around the small town the live in; He has tattoos, deals, drugs, fights,
has anger issues that get him in a lot of trouble and his own skeletons in his closet.

No matter how many people tell her to stay away she just can't


38. Chapter 38

I don't mean to leave many notes but I just don't wanna confuse anyone..x


Russell sat on the large table and watched fear flash through the chubby man tied to the chair is eyes

“So where is my money?” he asked again

“So Chad was a sperm donor huh?” he smirked trying to get a reaction out of Russell whose eyes where giving him a deadly stare already

“I don’t think that’s what I asked you Adam” Russell answered pulling out a pocket knife from his pocket and started walking towards him

The man looked at him curiously and immediately started to panic when he realised what he was about to do

Russell held his hand down firmly and cut his pinkie off, the man’s agonising scream echoed in the small room. Blood slowly started to drip off the table

“I really don’t want to ask you again” Russell spoke in a demanding manner “and the next time you disrespect me like that it will be your limbs instead” he spat

The man sobbed and Russell snorted, this man was no innocent man and they all knew the consciences of borrowing from De Luca’s and not being able to pay back on time

“My money?” he repeated

“I don’t have it” the man spoke with so much fear it amused Russell

“Hmm” was all Russell said and he pulled out his gun placing it on the man’s temple “Well that’s a shame” he pulled the trigger and the man was gone in a split second

“Clean this up now” he ordered and the men nodded picking up the dead body

He walked out of the small room meeting Mike and Elliot at the door.

They went back to his loft and he managed to take a shower...He walked over to his couch and Mike and Elliot looked his way

They kept staring at him as if waiting for him to say something

“What?” he snapped and the shook their heads quickly, he pulled out a cigarette lighting it up and inhaling, enjoying the therapeutic feeling.

His phone vibrated and he pulled it out noticing it was a message from Hayden, they hadn’t spoken for the past week and he wasn’t angry with her but just needed a little time to deal with himself

Elliot and Mike watched his expression darken and they looked at each other

“Fuck” he cursed putting the phone against his ears and when he couldn’t get anything he stood up

“What’s wrong” Mike asked from his seat

“She left me” he spoke angrily “Hayden left me” Russell is emotions felt like they were sprawling out of his control

“Hey this is Hayden leave me a message” she giggled and something tugged in his chest, he missed her a lot but his pride wouldn’t allow him it.

Elliot noticed the defeated expression on his face; even though he didn’t say it often he was in love with Hayden just as much as she was with him. They could hurt each other badly but they were crazy for each other .Where they great together? Probably not but something about them together just seemed right.

Hayden woke up feeling like her throat was on fire, getting up she headed to her shower and took a long shower. She spent another night crying and her eyes looked like they had bags of sand underneath.

After her shower she put on a black robe and left her hair down, she made her way to the small kitchen and sat down on one of the stools

She walked to the coffee maker and found a small yellow sticky note. ‘Hey Hayden just stepped out...be back in 30’ She silently read the note with Sam’s messy handwriting

She bit her lip and looked around the small kitchen contemplating on whether she should have some coffee or not.

She tip toed and opened the vintage cabinet and grabbed a small pain baby pink mug.

She poured herself some coffee and she must have zoned out because the next minute she felt a hot liquid spill on her hand leaving small prickles behind

“Shit” she cursed running her hand under cold water. A loud knock echoed in the apartment and she reached for a tea towel “One minute” she yelled quickly running to the door.

She swung the door open and Russell was standing there in some dark jeans and a black t-shirt as usual. Her heart felt a small tug; his presence was overwhelming her little heart. He pushed his long hair back looking frustrated, his wild grey eyes piercing her green ones. He was angry.

“What the hell is this?” he asked lifting his phone up. His deep voice going straight to her core; she wanted to run her hand along his stubbled jaw but she restrained her hand

“A phone” she answered dryly

Russell looked at the little lady in front of him; her wet hair cascaded down, her figure covered in a black robe.

“We are not breaking up Hayden” the way he said her name made her insides shiver with want .he brushed past her, the scent of his aftershave lingering in the air

“Russell,” Hayden said wiping her face. She’d been trying to stop crying for ages, but she just kept on upsetting herself all over again whenever she came close and he just shows up and all her tears come rushing back

 “Hayden why are you crying?” Russell inquired pulling a hand away from her face. But she quickly pulled away.

“Russell I can’t do this with you anymore...” Hayden said looking at the ground that surrounded her feet.

“It was just a stupid fight Hayden, I’m sorry...” Russell said and Hayden shook her head. Playing with the sleeves on the black robe.

“Russell it’s not just about the fight, you ignored me even after I told you I did nothing wrong...” Hayden said and Russell opened his mouth to explain, but she carried on, “I tried so hard,” Hayden lifted a hand to wipe away her tears, “and you treated me like shit. Russell you say you care about me and you do stuff like this that makes me wonder if you really do”

“Hayden you know I love you this is all new to me, I’ve never been this guy before and when it comes to you I lose all control” his voice was stern

“Well you have a funny way of showing it”

“Hayden I said I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel that way...”

“Well you did; I just wanted to make sure you were okay and you completely shut me off. Russell you may not be very open or talkative, but I’m your girlfriend no wait I don’t even know if that’s my title and I tell you everything and you didn’t even have the decency to talk to me. I would never go off with another guy after everything I’ve experienced with you. You broke my virginity for fuck’s sake”

“You’re mine and I will not let someone else have what’s mine” Russell said his voice becoming more sonorous, stepping closer.

“I’m not a piece of property Russell, I told you I was all yours and yet you still act like a child when a boy even breathes the same air as I do”

He raised an eyebrow

“I told you before Hayden I am a very Jealous and Possessive guy”

“I-I just can’t do this anymore...” Hayden said. It was breaking her heart to let go of him but if he wouldn’t change then she would be waiting a long time. They were bad for each other and knew exactly what points to hit to hurt each other

“Hayden. Baby” he stepped closer to her small body and placed his hand on her waist “Don’t” he whispered

She released a small sob and he knew this time he messed it up badly

 “I-I-I-” Hayden started but her words were soon muffled by the black T-shirt Russell was wearing, while his hands held her waist, pulling her close to him.

“Please Russell” she begged and he pulled away from her and slowly cupped her rosy cheeks in his large hands, his grey eyes looked different to her and she slowly bit her lip

He dipped his head lower and captured her lips into a soft and very gentle kiss. He pulled her bottom lip into his mouth and sucked on it softly. Hayden tip toed but she still struggled a little. He banged her against the closed door; one of his hands rested beside her head while the other dug into her hair. He could taste her salty tears against his lips.

He kissed her like it was his last

Hayden allowed herself to enjoy the warmth he gave her for a moment and then pulled away. She didn’t look and him but she could tell he was looking at her. He kissed the corner of her mouth and stepped back.

He opened the door and walked out. She felt cold and completely alone.

Her body sunk to the floor and she just let it all out.


End of Part 1

(This is the end of the first part of the book...they will be a second part which will NOT be a sequel)

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