When you lose someone you care about nothing else matters in the world; your world becomes one big black hole, you lose all the happiness in your body, mind, soul and spirit.

Hayden Rivers was always the shy type who was always with her older brother, their bond grew even closer when they were abandoned by their parents.

That all changes when her older brother (Ryan) dies and leaves her alone in the big, cruel world, she feels like an ant compared to everyone else and is lost with no sense of direction

At his funeral she doesn't expect to cross paths with Russell Scott

She witnesses him about to kill someone and that creates more problems in her already twisted life

Russell Scott is the most feared guy not only in their school but around the small town the live in; He has tattoos, deals, drugs, fights,
has anger issues that get him in a lot of trouble and his own skeletons in his closet.

No matter how many people tell her to stay away she just can't


19. Chapter 19

“Can you drop me back?” she asked distantly, tugging on the jumper sleeves

“Hayden it’s 4 in the morning, the parties over” he answered

She knew he was right and Sam and Josh were probably asleep

She pulled her phone out of her bag and quickly text Sam letting her know she was with Russell

“You ready for bed?” he asked. He was so casual about everything. Hayden couldn’t stand the thought of being in bed next to him, especially considering that she kept getting hot flushes every time he looked in her direction. Russell noticed her delayed reaction, “I’ll sleep on the couch and you can take the bed.”

“Russell it’s your apartment” she said avoiding his eyes.

“I’m not going to let you sleep on the couch Hayden” he said, his voice was husky and stern; a factor that didn’t assist Hayden’s current thoughts.

They ended up deciding to share the bed.  She climbed into the bed, lying quietly. She heard Russell go to the bathroom and then he appeared in the room. He turned off the light, hopping into the bed. At first he slept quite far from Hayden, who was just looking at the ceiling. It was very quiet except the sound of Russell shuffling trying to get comfortable.

“So are you always this quiet before you go to bed?” Russell asked turning to face Hayden. Hayden turned to face him, surprised at how close they now were. Her eyes met his Russell was resisting every instinct of his to just kiss her. Her lips were slightly apart and she didn’t know what to say.

“It’s kind of cold in here” she said trying to break the awkwardness.  He pulled her closer to him; she felt his strong body around her, enjoying the manly scent of his clothes and him. His lips were close to hers, he merely had to bend his head slightly and their lips would meet. Hayden loved the feeling of his body against hers, his strong arms wrapping around hers.

Russell felt Hayden’s body against his, her legs between his. “Hayden,” his voice was a deep drawl.

“Hmm?” Hayden looked up at him some of her hair falling into her face. She put her hand over the bandage on his injured arm. She let it go, his injured arm falling to her waist.

“I’m a selfish bastard Bambi, I can’t let anyone else have you...I just can’t” he told her sounding conflicted

She moved closer to him and gently brushed her lips over his slightly parted lips, not sure whether to kiss him. She was so close he could feel her breathing. He pulled her so close, she shuddered when her body hit his, and then he kissed her softly, his lips gentle on hers. Hayden had never wanted to kiss someone more. The gentle pull of his lips on hers, and his large hands on the small of her back underneath the t-shirt she was wearing. She finally managed to pull away from him and when she did his eyes fixed on hers. She saw a story in his eyes that she desperately wanted to know

“What happened to your mother?”

His face hardened and he let go of her, facing the ceiling, his arm on top of the duvet

“You don’t have to tell me I ju-”

“My father killed her”

Hayden was failing to swallow the lump in her throat

“Wha-How?” she asked softly

“He shot her and then shot himself” he explained “I was only 5 at the time but I remember watching it happen through the key hole and not being able to do anything because he locked me in a room” Hayden’s body felt cold and shaky

“Did-did he ever hit her?” she asked getting involved with the story

“He abused her; Mentally, Physically and Emotionally”

“Did he hit you?”

“Anytime that my mother wasn’t there to stop him”

“After he shot her he kept whispering apologies and how he didn’t mean it”

“She was a beautiful woman with a beautiful soul”

A tear slipped and she was thankful the room was dark. She didn’t understand he was okay after all of that and no kid should have to experience that, her parents left her and Russell when they were younger but this was something completely different

The room got completely quiet and Russell called her name turning on the light. Her face was now sticky with tears and she was crying

“Hayden” he said her name again but she wouldn’t look at him, he grabbed her chin making her face him, her green eyes full of tears

I'm sorry" she said pulling away from him and getting out of bed walking to the bathroom to pull herself together.

She sat on the cool floor crying until Russell walked in with his pyjama bottoms hanging low on his hips, he didn’t say anything to her and lifted her off the floor and walked them both to the bed.

She never stopped crying and he just let her cry because he knew some of the tears she shed were for him and his mother and the others were because she realized that he can’t love her back even if he tried

The only noise you could hear was her sobbing

“I love you Russell” she spoke through sobs “I’m in love with you” she confessed, feeling no regrets

“Anybody else but me Bambi” was all she remembered him saying before she fell into deep slumber but she didn’t want to love anyone else but him.

When Hayden woke up, Russell wasn’t in bed next to her. She got up going to the bathroom to freshen up and trying to make her hair seem presentable. She walked to the kitchen where Russell was making some breakfast ,tugging on the sleeves of the jumper she was wearing

“Are you hungry?” he asked, looking over to her.

“Yeah” she said settling on a kitchen stool. He handed her a plate. He looked at her for a minute and she awkwardly stared back, “What?” she said her eyes looking fluttering to his. She didn’t want to bring up the night before because not only did she cry like a baby but she also told him she was in love with him.

He shook his head and then turned around. Hayden was never one to be shy when eating, but Russell made her shy. There was a knock at the door and Hayden decided to go get it and was shocked to find Elliot at the door when she opened it.

“Hi Hayden” his amusement by the situation was evident seeing as he was smiling and his eyes were wide.

“Hi Elliot” Hayden said. She smiled at him and let him in. She walked back to the kitchen where Russell was casually leaning on the counter.

Elliot exchanged a look with Russell just as Hayden sat back in her stool. Elliot smiled, and Hayden just felt the most awkward she had ever felt in her life. She didn’t even know what to say so she just sat there eating her waffles.

“So Russell” Elliot said trying to catch his friend who was staring at little red’s attention.

Hayden finished her waffles and excused herself guessing that she should probably get ready to go. She walked to the bedroom, picking up her costume and shoes.

“Dude, you’re actually banging Hayden?” Elliot said when Hayden was finally out of earshot.

“She just slept over because it was late.” Russell said.

“It didn’t look like it; I mean she was in your clothes, your boxers to be exact.” Elliot said chuckling, “I totally saw this coming.”

“Elliot she just slept over,” Russell said, just as Hayden walked back out.

“So... I’m going to go” Hayden said gesturing to the door.

“No I’ll drive you,” Russell said standing up straight.

“I could just call a cab-” Hayden started to say.

“No, I’ll take you” Russell’s grey eyes were fixed on hers.

“Okay” she said shifting awkwardly because his eyes were fixed on her. Elliot just looked from Russell to Hayden a smile creeping on his face.

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