Underlying Fear

The mind is truly wonderful thing, developing as the world evolves. For Alexandra Rosalina, her mind is her greatest enemy. Diagnosed as mentally insane when she was 6 years old, she fights to gain back control of her mind. With a new life awaiting, secrets to be revealed & her past slowly re occurring, never would her life be the same again.

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5. Lost in Wonderland

Chapter 4⃣

Lost in Wonderland🎩

He was gone. He was the only friend she had ever had the chance to make & he was gone. Gone, so sudden, she never quite got the chance to analyze her feelings about it. One part of Alexandra was convincing her that he was a criminal, a very dangerous one to be kept in the secure wing, that he didn't deserve her happiness towards his escape but the other part of her, almost, missed him for he was one of the few strings of hope left for her. Fear overwhelmed her senses. The thought of having to spend her days well and truly alone petrified her. No one to speak to, no one to help keep her insanity at a level which she could control, no one to help her through her night terror attacks and simply no one to make her happy. The boy which she took for granted everyday, her clown, had left her for the freedom which she longed for. Betrayal washed over her and her eyes dared to break free of the salty water she had tasted too many times before.

"Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Inhale. Exhale." She repeated to herself, remembering everything which Dr. Crane had taught her. Her thoughts raced at she took the time to compose herself and be rid of the weakness she was feeling.

"Look at yourself. Look at what you're doing. Look at how weak you have become. Look at what he has done to you. Look at what everyone has done to you. You don't deserve this. Not. One. Bit. They can't stand your power, no, they are afraid of it. Think of everything you could achieve if only you remembered. Remember Alexandra. The power within you is much greater than you understand, you are something greater which you don't understand. This place is no place for someone as powerful as you. The lingering questions fear has stopped you from asking, it's time. It's time to demand for the answers. No. Matter. What."

That voice. Alexandra knew it all too well. Every since she was a child, this voice had consumed her mind toying with it, sucking every inch of sanity left from her innocent brain. Usually, the control which Alexandra had would stop the voice from entering her thoughts, but now, it was too late. Fear had dropped it's cloud and it's target was Alexandra. The voice she had pushed back so many times before had now slithered it's way through the thin crack of weakness that had emerged from the loss of her clown.

"Go away! Please. I don't want this. Just. Go. Away." Alexandra said through each sharp breath which she took. A dark giggle soared through her mind and Alexandra brought her hands up to her ears covering then tightly with desperation that the voice would go away while she slowly slid down the wall behind her. She threw her head back repeatedly hitting the wall, hoping that the pain would overpower and blank out the dark chuckle emanating from the most corrupted part of her brain.

"The anger you feel is not for me, but for a dear friend. Don't be mad at me. Be mad at him. He brought this pain onto you. I am simply here to help. The only friend who won't ever leave you. Whenever you break, I am here to help things heal again. He, no. He is a boy, toying with your feelings, playing games with your mind, distracting you of your true power and your true self. They are all. The. Same."

An angered scream threatened to erupt from Alexandra's mouth as the voice talked causing her to close her eyes shut with all the strength she had. It's words infuriated her. They caused doubt. Doubt that maybe what the voice said was indeed true and that doubt only caused the crack of weakness inside Alexandra to grow wider.

"Miss Rosalina, stop." The concerned voice made Alexandra's eyes dart open, only to be met with her psychiatrist: Dr. Crane. She darted her eyes to her shoulder where his hand was held and returned her gaze back up to him. She searched his eyes looking for confirmation that she was safe.

"It's okay Alex. I'm here."

The sincere tone in his voice caused Alexandra to break down completely. The simple day planned for her had turned into a day when she lost her everything good. Lost. She was now lost, more than she had ever been, like Alice just trying to find her way out of Wonderland or Dorothy just wanting to go back home. Dr. Crane knew all too well of Alexandra's case and everything she was capable of but this did not phase him. He could see through the girl in which the hospital couldn't. He could see how broken and lost she truly was and at this thought something crossed his mind.

"Come here," He ushered, his arms already open for Alexandra. She buried herself into him. The sobs of tears escaping her eyes and whimpers escaping her mouth caused Dr. Crane to break inside. Gently while stroking her hair, he hushed her softly telling her that he would make her better. He would help Alice out of Wonderland, he would return Dorothy back to Kansas, no matter what.

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