The Funny Side of it All

"I guess I'm just so used to either drowning or flying, I'm unsure of anything inbetween"
Don't believe what they say
It doesn't get better
It gets worse and worse
Until you feel nothing, numb
And you long for that empty pain you once felt.
That empty pain you wished away
And you take a blade,
Hoping, that just maybe you will feel something, anything
And you feel that empty pain
And it hurts so so much
And it gets worse and worse
Until you feel nothing
And before you've a chance to realise
You're stuck in this cycle called depression


6. Chapter Five

"It's okay, you can talk to me, you can trust me"

He didn't realise that with those words he had just checked himself into hotel drama. I am so needy, so sad, so alone that these words made me feel a sense of security like always. But he didn't understand that with those words he had just ruined our friendship, that he had just revived access to a side of me he would grow to hate, to dread. He had turned me from a friend to a burden. But now he knows, the text on my phone read 'I can't deal with this'. I put my head on my bedroom floor and bit my lips to conceal the sobbing that was inside of my heart and I lay there crying, and crying, until I felt as though all the life inside me had been sucked out. How does someone like me ever be able to depend on someone, with the constant fear that they will be scared away by the disgusting scars on my arm, that they will be pushed away by the voices in my head? How is someone like me supposed to survive in a world where I'm so alone? It just so hard, it's so so so hard and I can't describe the pain I felt as I lay on my messy bedroom floor.

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