“MAMMA! MAMMA! TRENNEN SIE NICHT US! (MOM! MOM! DON’T SEPARATE US!)” I screamed as my mom was ripped from my grip and whisked out of sight.
“Trauriges Kind. Haben Sie n icht Zeit für die Argumentierung. Nehmen Sie Abschied. (Sorry kid. Don’t have time for arguing. Say goodbye.)”
“Ich hoffe Sie Fäule in der Hölle. (I hope you rot in hell.)” Nehmen Sie Abschied. Chanted over and over again in my mind.
I didn’t choose this life. I was taken into a concentration camp by the Nazi’s a couple months ago. I don’t even know why I am here. I’m not a Jew, so what am I here for? I have been here for three months with my mother, asking the guards everyday the question of why I am here. They all answer the same thing, ‘Ich interessiere mich nicht, Sie bin unbrauchbar.’ (I don’t care, you are useless.)
Hitler was actually one of my school teachers. He was kind, loving, always accepting everyone. Then one day he quits his job and says he is ‘just taking a short break.’. He never seemed crazy, or misguided. I mean he was my teacher after all. I was one of the first children to be asked to be part in his ‘perfect race’. He said I had so much potential and why I was his favorite student. Man I am glad I said no to that. I knew Germany would lead to fascism sooner or later, but I was hoping later. Adolf was such a good man. What a shame, too bad I hate him now. For making our country fight against each other. Making World War II break out. We didn’t need a first one let alone a SECOND one.
So here I am today in a concentration camp. I get the lucky pleasure of waking up to Swastikas and bad facial hair every morning. They bring me out everyday at about 2:00 PM to go on the ‘playground’ and play with other children. Then we go to the daily execution of a Jew, being publicly humiliated while being skinned alive, or maybe even getting lucky with the gas chamber. After that we get to go back to our cells to rot.
Today was a special day in particular though, it was a Sunday. That means we get to get raffled in a raffle jar. If we get picked then that means you will get killed within the new week, or you get sold into slavery, or you get to train as a military soldier. Now, I have been in this raffle what? Twelve different times and have NEVER gotten it. I think I’m perfectly fine with rotting in my cell anyway. Time for raffle number one, if your name is drawn, you are getting killed.
“Monica Edwards, werden Sie eingeplant, beendet zu werden Donnerstag. (Monica Edwards, you are scheduled to be killed Thursday.)” WHAT? Did I hear them right? My MOTHER is being killed thursday? The raffles finished and I didn’t get called. I don’t even get to see my mother… at least I will get to see her public humiliation. I was dragged back to my cell and once everyone was gone…
“WHY GOD! WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME? WHAT HAVE I DONE THAT PUT YOU UP TO THIS?” I screamed to the heavens. I couldn't even comprehend why he did this to me.
“I THOUGHT YOU LOVED EVERYONE IN THE WORLD!” I think I might sneak out to find my mom… NO… bad idea, REALLY bad idea. But the voices were telling me to… I mean at least before the person gets killed (If it’s a family member). I guess I can wait. I should just be thankful that I didn’t get caught for ‘excessive yelling’. Yep, it is one of the stupid laws here. If you so much as mutter that you think you won’t be raffled, your fate is sealed. You will be killed the next day.).
The next day I was woken up quite rudely I might say by Hitler himself. I was having a nightmare of my mom getting slaughtered but otherwise, no biggie.
“Ich gebe Ihnen eine letzte Gelegenheit Jane. Zu mich im perfekten Rennen verbinden. Wir ordnen die Welt eines Tages an. (I’m giving you one last chance Jane. To join me in the perfect race. We will rule the world some day.)”
“NEIN. ICH SCHLIESSE NIE MICH IHREM RENNEN AN, WENN ES DIE LETZTE SACHE IST, DIE ICH TUE! (NO! I WILL NEVER JOIN YOUR RACE IF IT IS THE LAST THING I DO!)” I shouted at him. He can never make me join the Nazi’s. The Swastika is NOT for me.
“Gut. Aber, halten Sie im Verstand…, wenn Sie meinem Rennen sich anschließen, ich beendet Sie nicht Mutter… (Alright. But, do keep in mind…If you join my race, I will not kill your mother…)” He said sickeningly. Now, if I don’t accept he will get really angry and make my mother get skinned alive…But if I do accept then Hitler won. Finally got me to join this despicable race. If he can manipulate me like that, image who he can terrorize.
“Nein. Ich kann mich dem Rennen anschließen. Ich gebe nicht auf und übergebe einer schrecklichen Person wie Ihnen. (No. I can’t join the race. I will not give up and surrender to a horrible person like you.)”
“Alrightly dann. Von Ihnen nehmen Mutter und von 30 anderen Leuten in diesem Lager Abschied. (Alrightly then. Say goodbye to your mother, and 30 other people in this camp.)” He spouted calmly, too calmly…
He left, and I remained quiet for the rest of the day, just thinking about my mother dying. I just hope that I get to say goodbye to her now. Plus I also have the thought haunting me that I was the cause of thirty other people getting killed. With that a butterfly flew into my cell and started…talking to me. Hey there little girl, so a little birdie told me that your mother is getting executed tomorrow. Hah, what a young one she was. Now she can’t even count on the one she loved the most… GET THE VOICE OUT! With that I started to scratch as hard as I could at my head, drawing blood, and pulling some hair out along the way…I was just trying to get the thought away…
“Ich hoffe gerade, dass Basisrecheneinheit stirbt und nie zurückkommt. (I just hope that butterfly dies and never comes back.)” I say out loud as I begin to sob. I don’t need this pressure. It was only Monday and I’m already a wreck.
Wednesday came and I had been in a fetal position since then. The voices had been haunting me for a while, yesterday I thought there was an old lady talking to me but I was really just staring at the corner of the wall talking. I haven’t talked to anyone in days, (besides the old lady, if she was even there…) only focusing on eating and trying to sleep. I fear I might have become schizophrenic, lets just hope anorexia doesn’t join the party. I HAVE to eat in order to survive this horror, that is if I ever get out…
It’s Thursday. Almost 2:00 PM. So many thoughts were going through my head and I wanted to cry, but that wasn't an option. The voices had stayed and went from telling me it was my fault my mother was dying to I should just forget it all and kill myself. I had confirmed yesterday at dinner that I was in fact schizophrenic, but at least I could put about two spoonfuls of spinach into my mouth without throwing up. Yesterday another voice had showed up, when I was going to sleep I had saw my mom in my room and she was telling me how I was such a brat, and how I had failed her. Is this what insanity is? Seeing things that you know aren’t true but they feel so real, hearing voices that you know are in fact there when they are really not. I am starting to get chills, along with pulling out my hair occasionally. I just wish this would all go away. I wish I never had a family to care for, to love. Love is for the weak ones, not the strong ones, at least that is what the voices say…
Here I am waiting now, sitting in the first rows and seeing my mom being strapped to a wooden post. They had chosen her way of going about Wednesday, she would be skinned alive. The other thirty people were going to get the firing squad, maybe even the gas chambers.
“Hier werden wir erfasst, um die Ausführung von Monica Edwards und dreißig andere Neanderthals zu sehen. Laßt ihm fangen Sie an! (Here we are gathered to see the execution of Monica Edwards and thirty other neanderthals. Let it begin!)” One of Adolf’s workers spoke.
In my mind, it flew by, the skinning, the firing squad. After hearing my mother’s cries for about 5 hours, shouting out to me that she thought that I loved her. While she screamed, the only thing on my mind was, why me? I tried to sort it out once I got back to my cell, but that just gave me a migraine.
The next day I was extremely depressed because of my mother, who I will eventually forget, that is if I don’t die… The voices, on the other hand, had made my depression greater. I had found a shard of glass on the ground and my wrists were currently covered in cuts. What? I couldn’t help it. The voices said it would relieve pain but it really just created more. Oh well, more scars for me…
It had been about a week later with voices and they were now telling me not to eat. I couldn’t anyway, when I ate I would get a sickening feeling in my stomach and could only force down about a spoonful of food. I mean maybe this is just a nightmare… The voices had told me that it was all fake and reality only existed when you believed in it, so I stopped thinking that reality was real and eventually the pain would go away…at least that is what the voices said. The last couple nights I hadn’t got any sleep because of the words the voices spoke. They said if you sleep you dream, and dreaming is bad because it can bring you into reality. I don’t really get their logic but who else do I have to believe?
Hitler hadn’t been bothering me, just the normal thing has been happening. But, on Sunday they decided to show us a new way of torture. They would tie you up in a bathtub with no clothing, cover you in milk and honey, and release thousands of flies to come eat you alive slowly - all while you go insane because of the buzzing. They got a telegram from the other side of the world getting the idea…at least that is what the voices are telling me.
It was Wednesday and instead of going out and playing, I stayed in my cell. I was to induced in a conversation with one of the voices. It was the really low and dark voice, there is more though. One with a cheery voice, one that mumbles, and the low and dark voice. They are starting to keep me company and even giving me the courage to be mean back to the guards but I have to be carful, I have to watch my tongue in order to keep surviving.
Lately I have been avoiding everyone at all costs as I am now starting to see things. Soon I think I won’t be able to distinguish was is real from not real. All I have to do is keep thinking reality is fake and not there.
“Gut Kind. Sie haben nicht aus Ihre Zelle in einem ungefähr Monat, Sie leiden vorsätzlich herausgekommen? Ist hier etwas Brot und Wasser, nur für alle Fälle, das Sie stave beginnen. (Alright kid. You haven’t come out of your cell in about a month, are you purposely suffering? Here is some bread and water just in case you start to stave.)” One of my guards spoke. Don’t eat it, you are stronger then you think, they probably drugged it. You don’t want to be part of that do you?
“Gut nein. Lassen Sie einfach mir allein für eine Weile mich sortieren heraus meine Gedanken. (Well, no. Just leave me alone for a while I sort out my thoughts.)” I said aloud. We’ll NEVER leave you my child. And then I imagined a lady stroking my face with her long finger nails and wrinkly hands. We’ll NEVER leave you my child. We’ll NEVER leave you my child. We’ll NEVER leave you my child. We’ll NEVER leave you my child. We’ll NEVER leave you my child. The time has come when I can’t sort out if they are real or not… I started to rock back and forth and…
“LASSEN SIE ES STOPPEN! (MAKE IT STOP!)” I shouted aloud and started to claw at my face again as I only had patches of hair now. The voices wouldn’t stop, they just wouldn’t. They were saying different things now, like how death is the only answer to making them go away, and also reminding me of how Love is so weak and I hurt to much because of my mom dying…I loved her. No matter how hard I tried, they would go non-stop, like a catchy song…only it was haunting me. I couldn’t take it. As this happened I managed to tear one of my eyes out, and I was currently had no hair left. I found more shards of glass on the floor and slowly cut. But no, it wasn’t my wrist this time, I had to end this. I cut away at my flesh, piercing my heart while witnessing my whole body shut down in front of me. At that moment I knew Hitler got me where he wanted me. Reality was now fading, and the last thing I saw was a Swastika, floating in the middle of my pool of blood, and I heard the words Nehmen Sie Abschied.